i could listen to the sound of
your heart beating
like i never stopped listening
to the top track
of my spotify playlist
i created when
i think of how
my vanilla scented neck
mixed with the smell
of your waxed brushed hair.

you held her like champagne glass
interpolated her with fake intentions
just as how you strategically poured in
your favorite drink not as close to the brink
you knew that every element of her
is delicate, fragile and vulnerable
same as the glass’ gleaming curves,
your face reflected on its surface
just as how you were mirrored
indulging in her caress
from your nape down to your
broad in denial shoulders,
and then you took a sip
took another, enjoyed every moment of it
like how your tongue played with her lips
silenced her mouth while her ears paid attention
to the sound of your breath;
it always tasted sweet,
day by day you craved for it
but suddenly everything turned sour
her heart that was glass
you just dropped without warning
fragments of her were scattered on the cold floor
like trash laying down, abandoned, abhorred
you asked yourself
should you clean up the mess you’ve made?
one step forward, three steps back
you’re indecisive
back and forth like the swaying pendulum
but you just barged out and never took a glance back
left her in broken pieces
wished you could pick them up even if it means
you’ll cut yourself from the shards and make you bleed
because once in a while she used to let herself wound
what's almost been healed,
let those thorns from your numb heart
pricked her again and again
and bled for you, nevertheless, until the end.

that wasn't internet love
we weren't lovers
we could never be
we just talk over the encrypted airwaves
like chatty strangers meeting for the first time
at the grocery line
i'm always the one who tends to overshare
you always listen to all of my rants and woes
at 3am in sync with the echoing cuckoos
i know all of my telltales were like how songs
are played on repeat by a teenage avid fanatic
and by that you might just think i'm kinda lunatic
but i'm just a sad, sad girl
in need of a vent buddy
a friend, someone who never leaves
and you were there to fill up the role as what it seems
like a hero, a knight in shining armor
so i'm sending a million thanks, you've served my favor
and i hope you're doing great, wishing you all the best
oh God, how grateful i am that you exist
thank you for plugging in and staying up until 3am.

it was a bittersweet two months with you
i still think of you whenever i take the 5:30pm bus ride home
you and me seated side by side at the spot i always choose
it was never the grandest of dates
because we never went out and stare at each other
across coffee tables
but it was one of the cutest romantic meetups i could ever consider
you always hold my hand
you always wanted to hold my hand even if it's sometimes sweaty
we talked about how our day went
like how crazy it was at work
or how ******* tiring it was to go to work
you're always the one who's chatty
the last time i remembered, you have so many stuff you wanted to buy
i could never forget how you have a funny obsession with pens
or how you're so picky with comfort rooms
or why you sleep late during fridays
because you're either watching a movie or gaming
it was more of a get to know you, than a get to know me
you never got to know me
because if you did, you're not going to stop
knowing me is unstoppable, addictive
but you never tried
and that's what left me scarred.

i know what you like
girls with their backbones shown off
curves trailed in their silhouettes, perfect
tops cropped, bottoms stripped
cherry lips, glass skin, white as porcelain
a sight you always imagine;

but,

i wish you would also like
girls with their bare faces in the mirror
curves scribbled with their pens as thoughts deepen
tees vintaged, bottoms unstripped
chapped lips, scarred skin, mosaic heartbreaks
a sight that also sees you beyond and between.

i crave for you like coffee
i want you creamy, sweetened
but i’d still like you black, bitter
awaken me with your aroma
let me take a sip of your innocence;

but,

i want you more than caffeine
i want to feel you in my veins
and, i think you could be my serotonin
stabilize my mood and my well-being
keep me in your sight, keep me sane.

remember all the ride home,
i’m behind you, looking up at the skies
trying to hide all the feelings inside,
trying to utter a sound,
trying to get a grip of what should be
in store for us;

remember all the sneaking out,
i wait for you, or sometimes you wait for me
trying to stay dead silent as possible,
trying to pretend we don’t exist,
trying to be real for you, but you never
want me to;

remember all the sneaking in,
your face at the front door, mine pretentious
trying to be awake ‘til midnight,
trying to keep you in my sight, but you let loose
of this thread i’m binding you;

remember all you did, and you said,
just want to forget, just want this to end
trying to dump all the thoughts i had about you,
trying to not to hold on anymore,
trying to remember what it was without you,
so then i could be brand new.

Introduce me to all of your demons
Maybe they were once my acquaintances
Let me know of the bad news first
Then nevermind the good ones
Break my heart
Rip off all what's left
And don't ever try to mend it
Take everything that you'll find
I won't ask for anything in return
Because I'm okay with it
Wound what's almost healed
Let it bleed
Let me bleed for you
Leave a scar
And become my permanent mark.

I shut my door and wiped my floor
I hear the sound of the wailing horns
The day is gone, the night is cold
I close my eyes, my heart is torn

I open my window
The world is quiet and slow
I bow down my head
Trying to figure out
When will this end?

I scream at the top of my lungs
But my voice is so small
No one can hear a thing
I cannot breathe anymore

I cannot move my feet
Paralyzed and masked
From the truth
With sweat, my body is soaked

I cry my heart out
This could get worse
But how will it heal
I watch the sky, and it was never a lie

I hope I never met you
Never felt like this beautiful
Never have to lie to my parents where I went the other night
Never have to go home at 2 am
Singing all your favorite songs
While the road is so quiet
And it's just the two of us
Who remained talking

There's a kind of love
that lets you risk
everything.
And, you'll know it
when you finally
meet it.
This kind of love
can move mountains
and cross the oceans.
This kind of love
is something
worthy to
die for.
Everybody
tells you
it's wrong,
even the whole world
is against you.
It may be
too difficult
at first,
but there he is,
Romeo is fighting
for his Juliet.

How dare you
Stereotype girls
As worthy of a bouquet
And not
How dare you
Imply that
You were not to be seen
With her in public
Was she a monster, a ghost
Or something else?
Was she ugly or what?
Maybe she wasn't as pretty
As those girls
You've been following on Facebook
Liking their profile pictures
Every time they make updates
Or that ******* the wallpaper
Of your phone
Or that girl you've always been dying for
To be your girlfriend
Who looked so much like
That teen star on TV.
How dare you
Tell her you loved her
Call her baby
When all you did in the end
Was left her
For another girl
Who now bears your future baby
How dare you
Drive her home after work
For a week or two
Ask her if she still loves you
Because you think you are still
In love with her
But then after a month
You're with another girl
Took pictures on that
Famous hilltop
Then said she was just a fling
How dare you
Read her poems
Make her believe
You admired her poetry
But all you did
Was get this idea
And tried writing a poem
For another girl you courted
How dare you
Demand for her time
When you were so bored
Of all of your free time
And all she did
Was to free her me time
Just to compromise
How dare you
Tell her you feel the same
When all she supposedly
Wanted was to be just friends
But you hid from her
That you already have your own girl
How dare you
Dare me
Was I a fool
When all I thought
That love
Was the most beautiful feeling?
How dare I?

The city lights
will shout at me
forcing me to stay
but the stars
shall whisper
to my ear,
you are calling
out my name.

There's summer in the strands of my hair.
You convince yourself, you will never fall for me;
Autumn leaves dance around my legs,
You try to keep your stares away.
My lips are frost,
You always like how it tastes
Sweet as wine, bitter as scotch.
I am the thorns but not the roses in spring
And you are not the rainbow after the rain.

If nothing
can take you
away from my
dreams
then,
I'd take myself
away from you
and from
those
kind of
dreams.

You keep my thoughts running,
Making me want to crave for more.
We are eternal,
You are rainbow to my rain.
We are a sad story,
You are thunder to my lighting.

Don't try to make me wait
In the cold dark night
I am my own ray of light
You will melt like snow
You're an awkward firefly
Losing its glow.

Is the world I carry with me.
At the back of my head,
Are these words I play back and forth.
At my back,
Is a child who's always
Fond of furs and cats,
Afraid of thunder and ghosts;
And there in front of me,
Is a lady perfecting
How to become a woman,
Waiting for the right man.

And, it all turned out you were just the dirt on his glass window that he needed to wipe off because he wanted to get a clear view of that humming bird which kept on hovering around.

W a i t !

The best of me
  is yet to come
  or maybe,
  just maybe
  it's hidden under these
  g a r m e n t s

        *or

        six
        feet

  under the ground.

He's
    electricity
       running
          through
             my
                soul.

He knew you were brittle so he broke you.*

After endlessly hitting the fire alarm button, out of panic he successfully destroyed the extinguisher's case. His adrenaline came rushing in as if he were Superman. He knew that you have been protecting that weapon a long time ago. But, he knew more than you do that you must subside for a while so he would try to put out the dangerous flame inside you even if it means breaking you.

I didn't want you to know how much I wanted you so I kept writing poems about you, put them in a box, buried it at the backyard near the mango tree where I carved your name. And, I left you a note during my last visit.*

I was rocking my chair there at  the front porch cuddling my kitties like an eighty-year-old lady was supposed to be on a sunny afternoon. Then there's this little boy (who looked so much like you when you used  to be kid with chubby cheeks on a picture in a frame hanged from your living room wall) who never stopped nagging me about those letters in a box he found at the backyard.

Remind me (again) of youth
Share (again) with me freedom
Come, let's play
Or just take me, take me (back)
To where we don't need to talk
About the big, big things
And the future.