silk blouses and cotton underwear
the nights merge into a sticky soup that falls into the pocket of a sweater i was wearing when they said that death is permanent
the voice echoing into the receiver of my first cell phone
the wavering tremble of someone in the middle of realms
sleep and consciousness turning the other side of the pillow
wondering if the smoke in my lungs felt comfortable
wonder if the moon sinks lower into your backyard
i was never good at distinguishing shadows and when i found myself on the dark side of the mattress;
my feet cold and feeble i wondered if you could hear my heart a thousand miles away
the fluttering of a drowsy bird, lethargically dragging it's clumsy wings into the plummeting stifle of open air
you said my lips were like the halves of a plum
i bit them until they bled but it was never as sweet
it was never as sweet

a huge piano and endless
piano sounds of endless sounds
about every day haunts me and everyone
day it sings to me so much already
many many years every day

and I remember the days of evening winter when my brother
and grandmother were together when everyone was
were near and when I did not know did not know the sorrows
o remember I began to paint and tears again
and again they have found me and eternity

all eternal eternity is a great eternity and all
the sounds of that piano of that past
happiness and the world of peace that has long been gone
world of a happy world of a bright warm world
not the world of the cold not of the world of
the terrible world of the sad

27.09.18

It’s something I think about often,
Do we fully understand the fragility of this life we possess?

And suddenly a loved one is taken …it inflames you to think.
Every consciousness is a precious and fragile gift.

These lives of ours are fleeting, gone in a minute.
When you suddenly understand this, everything fades into the background.

Pushing 70 now… I choose to soar out of bed joyfully rejoicing each morning,
That life has granted me another day above the dirt.

Life is strong and weak…it’s a paradox.
Keep your mind strong my friends, don’t hide behind your fears.

This life of yours is an amazing gift….live it with a smile!

Words carved on the bedroom desk in a mental hospital

- My path is oblivious
- You are not alone anymore
- I still have my blade
- Dont cry
- My ex made me insane
- Some can't be saved
- I need to talk to Austin! My anxiety is acting up!
- I insert heart *****
- Better off dead
- Stay Strong
- I'm ******
- We're even, 911
- Bella insert heart
- I'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up
- I choose death
- Smile, you're beautiful
- I'll never tell
- God will show you the path
- **** those who said they'd always be here for me!
- Dear people, don't do this *******
- Get me out of here, I feel trapped
- Life's complicated
- **** this system!
- Why can't she love me like she used to? I insert heart Anaquin
- God is heal
- Him insert heart
- Her insert heart
-  You don't need someone else to make you happy
- It gets better
- We're not even
- **** your faith
- Sometimes I feel like no one understands
- I'm gay
- Nero Michelle Granillo + Mario Jonathan Larios 12•06•13
- I'm scared
- Let it be 11-23-13
- Help me get out
- You're pretty
- Eat me out
- I like your face
- Tired
- My taste in music is your face
- I've been here 2 weeks
- I want out
- Stay strong
- I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain


At the time these words comforted me and brought me closer to something. I felt closer to peace the more I wrote. I'll never know the people who wrote these things or why I wrote them down nearly three years ago and decided to write about it publicly now but I do know who carved the last one. Stay strong, time will give you peace.

What do we do with all the time wasted together?
Stares exhanged in ***** hours,
Silent seconds ticked as our spellbound eyes
Took beauty in, sight devoured.

I used a multitude of minutes attempting
To beat insecurity, show you your worth,
You'd listen, I could tell you didn't believe,
But each night I drifted to sleep thankful for your birth.

Feasting on the flow of flattery we voiced,
To fill empty parts with desire,
Through my lowest days you stayed by my side,
I did the same even dead-tired.

I've accepted I will not gain back the years,
I lived in a haze, wish they felt real,
You think I abandoned our love,
The longer we were together the worse you made me feel.

and all the water lilies fell from all
parties and from all the islands to
they all disappeared long ago where they
all these water lilies have gone away for so many years
I lived among the swamp and nature so much
I wrote poetry there and went to
I kept looking at the moon with clouds and rains

disappeared the disappeared sea disappeared
people and disappeared myself I disappeared myself and I think
perhaps forever forever forever

16.09.18

My Teenage years;
Teenage years with people saying 'sit down and shut up'
Teenage years with no one caring
Teenage years with physical abuse
Teenage years with razor blades
Teenage years with no mother
Teenage years with bottles of pills
Teenage years with ****** assualt
Teenage years with suicide attempts
Teenage years with no reason to live
Teenage years spent pining for what was lost.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton