I need a peek,
A sneaking glance into the future,
To see what and who I become,
If I'm even alive at that point,
Now I have to admit that I know I'll be seeing darkness.

Yet I still retain a fraction of hope,
That my mind,
That my efforts will prove worth it and I'll gain purpose,
Purpose to move forward without a thought of death and regret.

A kid like me,
Well why shouldn't I be hopeful?
I've got many years to live,
Many years to change,
The only problem is that the years are long,
Then the winters will follow and I'll descend,
And the fear of all the years,
How many years will I have to go before I stop that?

Yet I still retain a fraction of hope,
That my mind,
That my efforts will prove worth it and I'll gain purpose,
Purpose to move forward without a thought of death and regret.

just because i'm speechless
doesn't mean i don't know how i feel
it's just that i can't put it in words
for you to understand
my broken english
i don't know, i just
i mean its
sometimes i wish
i never meant for it
to happen
y'know?
of course you don't
you never do

Here I am laying, filling my head
At 3 A.M rerunning every word I have said
I suppose my tears are the blood from my soul
Happy or sad it overflows out of me and I can’t seem to feel whole
I don’t want to die anymore because things aren’t too bad
But I’m tired constantly and I miss my mom and dad
That’s the thing about being an adult
You make the tough decisions yourself and if they’re wrong it’s your fault
You choose right from wrong and no one is there to tell you otherwise
No one is there to catch you in your lies or wipe the stream of tears from your eyes
Momma isn’t there to hold your hair when you *****
Daddy isn’t there to point to the sky at the comets
It’s more like a hollow and dark lonely place
Days feel like years yet weeks seem to race
I suppose we take for granted our youthful state
We don’t know what we have until it’s a little too late
I’d give anything to go back to a day before loans
Spend a day with my family before I wanted to become skin and bones
Give my brother a hug and tell him I care
Tell my father that the things he calls my mother are wrong and unfair
Play with my dog before the cancer took him away
Show up to work with enthusiasm as though it was my first day
See my town like I did through an adolescent lens
Bike through my neighborhood to the house that once was my friend’s
Run in the yard and climb that one crooked tree
Relive the trip to the forest that ended with bees
Laugh at myself when I fell off my bike
Not take myself so seriously and be willing to admit who’s right
Tell my sister “thank you” for yelling at me to not speak English
She kept me fluent and that was her wish
Go trick or treating from door to door
“Here’s some candy, would you like some more?”
My eyes fill with liquid nostalgia as they sparkle and close
My head bobs and nods as I catch it then doze
I miss the world before it got complex
Before I had to worry about what came next
I’d live for a day at the age of ten
Before things began to hurt and I was mistreated by men
I’d watch the stars with Jessica and talk about life
I’d give her a hug after a sleepover and get back on my bike
Pedaling home in the cool fall breeze
Everything was simpler back then and I took it for granted with ease
I wish to go back to a time almost half my life ago
I wake from my sleep to realize it can't be so

The future waits for you,
Knowing you will show up.
It sees you right now
In this old world,
This old era.
It finds you entertaining.
Watching the way you live
Thinking so little of the future.
But it knows you will arrive.
It just wishes you were
Aware of that right now,
While you are in the old world.