your love sits on my chest like an overweight elephant,
imagine all that weight plus the obesity of your neglect,
crushing my heart that was once so delicate...
breaking the whole foundation of my chest.
i try to push back but my arms snap under the pressure,
i try not to love you so the weight might lessen.
but i never seemed to be able to lift you and your darkness.
because of you it takes much more pain for me to be broken hearted.
it may sound better, like nothing phases me as much..
but if pain and more pain affects me like nothing,
then how will i ever be strong enough to build myself,
how will i ever stop falling and finally get up...
i wish that you'd just get off me i wish you'd just roll over.
instead it seems you keep eating and the disease is moving closer.
instead of affecting you it drops right down to me,
my heart explodes and bleeds and you finally get up to leave.

The weight 

Atop her shoulders

Is enough to 

Curve her spine

And twist 

The corners 

Of her lips into a 

Sinking line

But in the view

Of distant eyes

She is no more 

Or less

Than posture 

Uncorrected

And vague
Unpleasantness.

Swollen eyes
Tear stained cheeks
A dusty mirror
And a beating heart
Pinching my thighs and muffin top
Fat
Ugly
Unlovable
These words haunting me

Wishing
Wishing to unzip this skin
And emerge as thin
Beautiful
Lovable

My head feels dizzy
Hearts starts to race
Warm tears streaming down my face
Smash
The mirror is in pieces
Hands are bleeding
Heart still beating
A reflection
That cannot be fixed

Little girl
With long blonde hair
And big bright baby blues.
Perfect teeth
And a tiny waist;
Girls like her "never lose".

Lonely girl
With frizzy brown hair
And eyes with muddy irises.
Freckled face
And too large hips
Girls like her "nobody misses".

Little girl
With a stylish mommy
And a very wealthy daddy.
Endless toys
And posh private schools
Girls like that; "life's easy".

Little Girl
With no known daddy
And mommy who always lies.
Little food
And a ***** home
Girls like that "never survive".

-ARI

i feel so
heavy

every thought
is another
weight
on my shoulders

it is only a
matter
of time

before i am
pushed
down
into the
darkness

you don't understand-
i can't help that i'm skinny.
a stick that looks useless,
curves small to secure pity.
you don't understand-
its hard to maintain weight.
the food won't add on,
no matter how much i ate.
you don't understand-
i have so many flaws.
freckles galore, and
dark vains that resemble claws.
i'm trying to tell you, yet
you can't understand.
"you're so lucky you're skinny"
but,
"it ***** you can't tan"
surely you'd know by now,
i'm fragile but strong.
i can take all your pity,
but my "luck"- not for long.
i may be skinny and as short
as can be,
but tell me you understand,
before you say you want to be
me.

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F             ­          A             A                  T
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F                    A                    A   ­           T