Actions don't dictate my behavior
let me latch onto the next bottle
sitting across my vision
settled, calm

Let me drink and word *****
on your shoes
leaving a stench that will remind
you of the hazy days
spent, boozed up

Let me smoke till my lungs
beg for a molecule of oxygen
to freshen it's dank corners

Let me wobble on the sidewalk
reminding my feet which one goes first
let me sway, cursing whatever
injected my heart with a dose
of forbidden feelings

Leave my vision of tomorrow
the same, swallow the the changes
like an unwanted gag
drown it with that burning liquid

Let me be, as if the next encounter
is just seconds away
let me
be

26 hours ago
My friend told me she was waiting
“Life” she said
“Never seems to calm down,
And I’m waiting, just waiting, for it to just even out”
I looked at her and I stopped
It was like those words had opened something in me
And some wild wisdom poured into my brain
Something I had never before understood

“Honey” I said “Life is never going to even out,
Life is a series of ups and downs
And you and I just have to get better at riding the waves"

You deserve to hear those words and believe them with every piece of your torn apart heart. You need to hear these words and nothing less. You don't deserve maybes and someone who doesn't know what they want. It needs to become a rule to believe these words and not something to laugh off.

You deserve to hear someone say, 'I'm not going to hurt you.'

And you have to be able to trust them. You deserve a chance to believe them. And what those who left gave you was not love. Because love is giving as well as receiving and you have to open your eyes when looking back on the past and see how empty they made you from taking and taking and taking all your love and leaving you with so little. But take your bent and battered heart that's far from broken and allow yourself to fall in love again. Because after all the tears and pains in your chest that felt like trying to swallow broken glass, you deserve to be happy. Don't rely on someone new to fix you - fix yourself. You deserve to know and be so sure of the fact that you don't need someone's hand to hold in order to be happy. You deserve to find love again and never have to look back and wonder what you did wrong. They were wrong and they never loved you. You are lucky, you have not lost anything. They didn't love you. You loved them with everything you had and that is their loss. You have so much more to find and its waiting for you just around the corner. But you can't look back, stop looking back. You deserve to open new doors, shut the old ones and swallow the keys. They'll always live deep inside you, but they won't matter anymore. They don't deserve to matter to you anymore.

Walking in archways 
What felt like worlds between us
High above my tower I see you 
As your face stays determined not to crack 
They said I lost my muse 
But she's in every crease upon my bed 
Not able to wash the memory with a splash of soap and water 
I thought about throwing it to the streets 
Let the homeless make fortune over our mistakes
Cradled up in the nook you used to sleep 
Sleep? 
What lies 
For no moisture was lost 
No teeth mark not tear 
Because I failed you 
And all of the coloured flags
I couldn't help but call your name
In the nickname only I used 
Ignoring then sudden realisation 
Never looking back 
Head locked like a brace 
While hidden hands forced my face to your seat.
Even after you left
My eyes lingered over what used to be. 
She ran 
Out in to the night 
As I sat among the nightmare
Excusing death in a movie 
For why tear drops fleeted 
Down my cheek
She escapes 
Leaving quickly out the door
Couldn’t leave it up to chance
She leaves as if she couldn't stand to watch the credits role
But I know her 
Spent what felt like days watching names roll on screen 
While we meshed bundled
and blissed.

All the things you said to me were a lie
You ****** around on me the whole time
You made me believe you cared
But all you did was play me
You told me you loved me
But all you did was lay me
You never really gave a **** about me
You told me I had nothing to worry about
You said I meant everything to you and that there was no one else
That's funny
Six months later and you were ******* someone else
You said it didn't mean anything
You thought I would never find out
You told me I was the one
You told me you wanted a future with me
You said you couldn't picture a life with anyone else
*******
******* and your stupid *** lies
******* and all the ******* you put me through
*******
You said you wanted to marry me
But look at you already engaged to the ***** you were ******* while you were with me
******* for making me believe that you cared about me
******* for making me think I was important
******* for making me think that I was something special for once
You made me feel so safe and secure
But now all I can say is you're a ******* and I ******* despise you
Don't tell me you love me and then **** me over
Don't waste my time with your ******* lies
*******
I hope you're happy
Enjoy your ****** up marriage
Enjoy the lies
*******, ****.

I feel so alone
So hollow inside
It eats and gnaws at me
And makes me want to hide

The flame of love where
Every corner did it fill
And chased away every shadow
Is snuffed out and now chill

There's a hole there now
A chasm so great
So hard to fill
And so hard to abate

It's a monster that claws
Scratches and howls
It can't be satisfied by anything
Forever it prowls

I don't know what to do
Everything moved along just right
The fires lit I tended to
Helped them grow and fight

Then with a flash
A basket over hers was put
Snuffed out the flame
Left nothing but soot

My fire still raged
But alone it stood,
The other but coals
No fuel and no wood

Oh Lord above
Light it again I cry!
I can't stand it anymore
I'd rather breathe my last and die

"I've always had this feeling that I'm going to die young. I don't know why, I've just never been able to picture myself being older. I just have a gut feeling, that I don't have much time to be alive"

I said these words to you and you told me to shut up and stop talking. At first I thought you were being rather harsh, I was only speaking hypothetically of course, no seriousness at all. But you genuinely sounded terrified and you told me that you wouldn't know what the **** to do if I died. You told me to never speak like that again because even thinking about me being gone forever ***** you up a little bit. But, love, what makes this any different? Now only a few months later you tell me you have to let me go. That we have to stop what we're doing and that we'll never move forward from this. That you have too many doubts and I don't deserve someone who can't tell me they'll love me no matter what. So now, it'll be just as if I'm dead to you, that's what it feels like anyway. I haven't seen your face in over a week and you don't plan on seeing me anytime soon. Even the deceased get one last goodbye as you lay flowers on their tombstone. I didn't get anything but an emotionless message claiming you're sorry. So you're telling me, that you wouldn't be able to deal with me dying. You would lay flowers on a grave containing rotting remains of a soulless body but you can't stick around to love the real thing? I feel dead because you haven't acknowledged my existence in so long. Your touch and the weight of your body was always an assurance that I was alive, regardless of how numb I felt inside. You brought my eroded and love deprived heart to life and planted flowers that filled my rib cage so sweet I had no choice but to feel utter and complete joy. And of course I had my doubts because we're young and ignorant and a little naive. But I never doubted you or the connection we shared. I never doubted the fact that I cared for you with every broken piece of my heart and I would continue to care until you no longer needed me. I just didn't expect it to be so soon and I was so sure of the sunshine you brought to my soul, I only assumed you felt the same and nothing less. And I'll never understand how the people you love will tell you sweet nothings and make false promises about the future, with no intention of keeping them. I'll never understand how you could look me in the eyes and tell me you'd see me soon, and not have any intention of looking into my eyes again.

In the highs and lows of life
In the ups and downs of life
In the joys and sorrows of life
In the happiness and sadness of life
In all the different moods, moments and spheres of life
Always make it a point to live life in the present with present moment of time.

Never has it happened in the present,
nor will be happen in the future.
Every moment in life that comes upon has got it's own life for quite sometime till the point in time comes when it passes away.
A moment in time that has gone, is gone,
it won't come back again.
Never has it happened in the present,
nor will be happen again in the future.

Thus every moment in life comes with a purpose.

Each moment in life has got it’s own importance,
it’s own value,
it’s own significance.

Always it’s important to understand, realize and accept the importance of every moment in life.

As easy as it may seem to be,
the easiest thing in life is to do something in haste,
in a rush of blood.

By doing so,
if it solves a problem,
then it’s well and good,
if not,
then the struggle continues.

Still even if it brings a solution to a problem,
it still remains good proposition.

The only thing that remains of concern when doing something in a rush of blood is that it can also mark the arrival of a disaster,
even if you know neither it can be averted,
nor can it be reversed.

So better keep moving at the right pace with the present moment in time
Keep a track of how things shape
Better to be more concerned about the present than that of future
Things change,
sometimes something good might happen.

Things change,
sometimes something unexpected might happen,
but then that’s life.

Hence it’s always important to keep in mind, to remember
Always take one step at a time.

Do things which you like,
rather than doing something just for the sake of doing it.

Never run away from the obstacles of life
They are a part of your life and part of the game
So face them,
learn something new in the process of solving them.

A day will come when a sense of satisfaction will occupy a place in your mind and also in your life.

Till then, it always give it a try,
try again.
Try, try and you will win.

Till the perfect moment in life comes when there is a sense of satisfaction that comes to mind till then,
it’s life and life continues.

In the highs and lows of life
In the ups and downs of life
In the joys and sorrows of life
In the happiness and sadness of life
In all the different moods, moments and spheres of life
Live life in the present with present moment of time.