We found out that we were pregnant with you on June 5, 2018 and that is when everything changed. Your daddy and I were so excited because we had been trying for over a year to start a family and we finally got our dream. We got you. We started thinking about names and how we would design your room. If you were a boy we were going to name you Parker Dylan we could not come up with a boy name just yet. I even bought you your first outfit because it was Spider-man and I am obsessed. We thought that everything was going okay and that you were healthy and doing just fine. Then on our eleven week check-up we were supposed to find out what you were if you were a boy or girl. The only thing we got to find out that day is that we lost you. You were no longer living inside me you had stopped growing at the eight to nine week mark and they were not sure why. Of course every mother who has or will ever go through this thinks that they did something wrong. They think what could I have done differently there must have been something wrong with me and that it is all my fault. But it is not your fault. I am slowly learning that. It has been one week and four days since I lost you. The worst part was there was no saving you and I did not get to hear your heartbeat for the last time. I am still recovering from the emotional pain this has brought me and I am still recovering from the physical pain this has brought me. The physical pain is brought on by the fact that I had to go through a procedure called a D&C which is the worst thing ever. Your daddy and I never thought that we would have to go through this we thought that we would just be able to bring you into this world without any complications but we were wrong. I am so sorry Baby C. We love you so much.
June 5, 2018 you were conceived July 25, 2018 we lost you
I feel so lost anymore
I don't want to feel this way
I sit here and cry for hours
And I never feel okay
I wish things were easier
And I didn't have this feeling of wanting to die
Would people even cry?
Would they'd even care if I wasn't here anymore? Or would their day just keep on going?
Ththey would probably be happy that they wouldn't have to deal with my breakdowns anymore
Or constantly checking on me because my lif is a mess and I want to hurt myself
If I were them I'd be happy, less stress and worries.
No one cares about the girl that is broken.
I know I don't.
I'm tired of giving my all in a relationship
I'm tired of being the one who cares more
I'm tired of always being the one who ends up hurt in the end
I'm tired of laying in my bed crying myself to sleep because "I'm not good enough"
I'm so ******* tired of falling for the wrong people
So tired of thinking that they care about me
So tired of thinking that they actually want me
Tired of believing all the lies they fill my head with
I'm so tired
I'm tired of feeling this way
Tired of not being good enough
Tired of being lied to
Tired of feeling like a *******
Tired of not feeling pretty enough
I'm just tired.
When someone wakes you up in the middle of the night
whether it's by phone, e-mail, text or in person
because they are upset and need someone
do not get mad, irritated or annoyed with that person.
Think about it that person is falling apart
and out of all of the people in their life they could talk to
and lean on
they chose you.
For whatever reason they chose to come to you
They chose to let you in during their most vulnerable moment
because they trust you
Being able to trust someone is a big moment for any human being
Be happy that you are trusted with the most beautiful thing
a human being can offer
Being able to open up and allow someone into your heart
when you are sad is risky for anyone
That person opened up to you
Take that seriously
To be trusted is a rare gift
Don't ever take it for granted
WRITTEN BY: Mandie Michelle Sanders
WRITTEN ON: February. 27, 2016 Saturday 5:31 PM
Does anyone really know what the true meaning of happiness is?
Because I don't.
Sometimes I feel like I'm happy, but then that gets taken from me.
Almost like you get caught up in the moment and you can't see straight.
What does happiness mean?
Happiness is the state of being happy.
Gives you pleasure, makes you content, you are satisfied.
But why doesn't that happiness stay with you?
Why are you afraid to remain happy?
Is it because you know that someone will go wrong so you're scared?
Or is it because no matter what you do, you feel like you're not good enough?
Which is it?
Explore your happiness.
Get lost in the moment.
Don't take anything for granted.
Laugh until you cry.
Love with every inch of your body.
Be passionate about what makes you happy.
Don't give up on your dreams.
Just find your happiness.
No matter what.
Live your life to the fullest.
With no regrets or take backs.
Just be happy.
Love is different for everyone**
there is no definition that fits every situation
love can be a feeling, an action, or just a word
I should have told you
what love meant to me
before I started giving it to you
before I whispered
those words in your ear
I should have asked you
what love meant to you
before I assumed your words
meant the same as mine
and that they weren't just words
I'm giving up on Love
I don't want it anymore
Don't want to hurt
and don't want to be jealous
Don't want to cry
and don't want to be nervous
I hate the fact that I smile
When his face shows up in my mind
Hate the fact that I
Always recognizes his voice
No matter where I am
I'm stalked by the feeling
That's slowly choking me
I wish that Love
would just let me be...
The day I tried to make a distance was the day he chose to move closer...