Everything I saw in you
I don't see anymore

Everything that was once there
Is missing from your core

Your smile
Not so radiant

Your eyes
Don't sparkle or shine bright

The way your arms enveloped me
The way you use to hold me tight

These things now bring me nightmares
They cause my suffering

And now that you have left me here
You will be the death of me

I'm trying hard to let you go
But you never seem to leave

Staying in the back of my mind
Haunting my thoughts, always bringing them back to you

what if who they expect, isn't me?
2. or better yet what if i try to be what they expect,
3. and lose track of who i am?
4. would you still love me if i wasn't me?
5. or better yet
6. would you love me even more?
7. if you answer yes to either of them,
8. forgive me for leaving,
9. but how can i stay
10. when the person you love isn't me anymore.

I don't dream anymore
   that's not true
      but when I do
         it's always
            of you
So I don't call them dreams
Because dreams are supposed to be...
Well, they shouldn't make you fall apart at the seams

An endless track,
Meandering predicatively,
305 times around,
Yet never knowing what lies beyond this
Grizzled track.

Shivering,
My gray spirit presses on,
305 steps taken
Through this impenetrable fog,
Many more to go.

This bight winds on,
This way and that,
305 turns.
The speckles of this devious path
Cloud the search for meaning.

Only a breath,
Only a moment,
305 days.
Run away from the end,
Clear the path for me.

I want to tell you what I'm doing right now,
I miss the feeling you give me when you are around,
And how you understand me better
Than everyone else.
I want to tell you my
Mysteries,
Secrets I can't bear to
Hold on to any longer.
The dark threads of memory are slipping
From my clammy grasp.
I want to give you every poem,
So you could see my brokenness,
So you could teach me how to cope with pain.
I just don't want to spoil this feeling:
A blossoming friendship
In the heart of a rose.

I want to tell you,
But I won't.

Don't get me wrong--
I trust you.
I know you could hold a secret,
Treasure my heart.
I've already fallen for that.
Maybe it's me I need to trust more.
Maybe if I loved myself,
I would have a greater urge
To run to you,
To hide those precious moments,
So we could remember them together.
I don't think I've been in love before,
Somehow this is different
Than the other times I felt my heart
Find another friend.
Maybe you don't understand,
I know I don't,
But teach me how to get through this,
Teach me how to find love.

I know that it is highly likely that
As a young thing
I have yet to know love.
But part of me is terrified
That if I have no comparisons yet
That I might
Just might
Have love. Right now...
And not even know it?
What if I miss it?
I won't ever get it back.
I know that it is highly likely
That I don't know what I'm saying
Let alone what I am feeling.
But...
What if...
I love you?