when love blossoms
from a crack
in the sidewalk
of your life

remember

a garden would grow there
if you let the concrete crumble

It was not supposed to be that way.
No green-purple spots in my eyelids, I said,
said
no graveyard asphalt on the back of my knees.
It was supposed to approach me modestly,
quietly,
with blushing fingertips and eons of time.
I had imagined it would approach me modestly.

In the meantime, I could visit a brothel
or two
***** my heart out, spread open its capillaries.
Poetry is prostitution of the lewdest kind
and how lovely, while I **** my paragraphs
to eat a man
or two?
There was one
with hardened fingertips and no more than a second to spare.

I had imagined it would approach me plainly.
No sifting through mounds of shell and bone, I said,
said
no puppet shows.
No masquerades, and my veins were supposed to do their job.

This was supposed to be my play,
my knight takes rook,
my girl takes respite.
I was supposed to come out golden.

He was not cruel but it seeped out of him
like mustard gas.
Sickly, yellow,
I inhaled it with relish
acid burned its way down my cheeks
through my chest.
And how beautiful, to love and be loved
without feeling it crush your lungs.

I have never known love at its awakening; To a mere happenstance, it unfurled in the simplicity of side by side walking through the streets, picturing each shared memory at every corner of it. Like we are the side story of someone else who has been on the same spot of the coffee shop, little did we know that we always share memories for someone else to tell.

Have you ever memorized each word that I said that day, from the first time we met, from the way I said each syllable and how I forced myself to not stutter? Although we cannot recall each scene day by day, what matters is that I always remember each fragment of our memory each time I say your name.

It's like a collision, but it's a peculiar one. It is perfectly meant to meet each other, like it is measured accurately and approximately. But is it really worth the time?

wrestlemania

traveled cross country,
wrestling with extended
celebration and an
unexpected death;
the body maladjusts,
only to be disrupted
when time zones reset,
hard a-heels upon return,
packing up again for a
sacred pilgrimage
to a summer place
of sheltering, where poems
grow and dangle like participles
from local fruit farms, one
need only pluck and taste,
attach your moniker
and then feed them to the
joggers & walkers running past

send them all on their voyages,
hopefully protected from
travel disorientation and the
cycle of rebirth

with luck, bits and pieces of me
will accompany said word whispers,
them shreds and shards
requiring healing,
or just pruning,  
exiting old words,
fresh fruit berries,
roadside acquisitions  to b
carry me stained & strained
& happy new travels o‘er
this fruited plain

it's five o clock
yes in the morning
birdsong has woken me
an hour and a half
before my alarm
was supposed to
even after another
terrible night's sleep
to-ing and fro-ing
with tossings
and turnings
staring into the blank
of ceiling and wall
not enough comfort
or perhaps too much
on this slumped mattress
to slip deep enough
beyond those initial
stages of slumber
down into REM
i'm surprised to find
i'm not as angry
nor as drained
as i thought i would be
at such premature awakening
i can lie still
untroubled for now
contentedly listening
to the chattering
of these feathered neighbours
an avian symphony
of movements manifold

Unexpected smile from the lady beside me
As I say goodbye after a day's work in the office
Such joy,  such a great smile , such radiance
Perhaps we can can it?

Unexpected number plate 'Ph1 1LL'
As he undercuts me at the traffic lights
Calm down Phil
It's only 8 a.m the morning
I'm sure you'll get to work ok.

Unexpected gorilla bursts into my home
Heads straight to the office and grabs my laptop
Logs into my old Facebook account
And starts sending illicit messages and naughty pictures
You're welcome mate, grab a banana too

Unexpected kindness from the beggar at the parking bay
Tells me that the meter is broken so don't bother
I buy him a sandwich
'Ham and white bread will do'.
No problem mate enjoy

Like a veil- Cool air covers my nape.
My heart going haywire,
Didn't think someone would make.

Looking at you now,
Such a magnificent sight
It's you I want to know.

Such soft and neat black
Hair. Your eyes I can't seem to
Turn my attention back.

Every move you make is
Filled with such desirable
Grace.

Why don't our eyes meet?
Even just for a second,
Or split?

Why don't our hands
Graze? Even just for a
Slight chance?

If I could get your
Attention, my cheeks would
Bloom like a flower.

You fit my ideal and I
Can't seem to remove
My eye.

Just know one thing,
Something before I leave:
This was never intentional,
Falling in love, being deceived.
I thought I could ignore it -
Push it to the back of my mind -
But it only grew, cultivated,
Leaving any sanity behind.
Just know one thing
Before you leave me forever:
I never meant to fall -
I didn't expect this feeling whatsoever.