With a smile she built her man of the freshest snow with eyes of the coldest coal, - she laughed as she set his top hat at a song-and-dance angle and fashioned a fred astaire cane from a discarded broom handle, - she whispered her mischief, hoping for some reaction, but he kept his silence, with a marked chilled inaction - and as she began her dance, she couldn't help but be crushed by his stubborn hush and the steady fall of diluted coal dust.

Gravitating toward home
with its star stained skyline
a latch on every door
torn over coffee
the smell of peppermint
a tear here where tears have been
the hope of a stranger
helping to embolden
an empty cup
pouring.

You told me you admire how confident I was about who I am
And you wished you could be so strong

Little did you know that inside
I'm just a little girl with tears in her eyes
Begging you not to leave me alone

Hiding behind a sarcastic smile

do you hear
like ringing of still bells
sound like precious silver
clinging to the flush of a cheek
The soft sobs of her soul
when you berate her
her whisper but warm breath on your neck
exhale birthing desire
“   no   “
Have your way
Have her sorrow
Shyness?
oh dear. you are mortally worn
by morning

Should I be worried about something?
I stood by the bed and everyone cried, I held his hand and felt nothing
Quite literally since my grandpa was dead
But also because there might be something wrong inside of my head
I observed the time and told the nurse who walked in the room
One week later he was in a tomb
More like a six foot box in a wall
Flowers and a name as a rememberance is all
We visit occasionally my parents and I
An empty flower vase greets us each time
I take one from Dorothy's box right next door
Her family doesn't visit her anymore
But her flowers are there everytime that we go
So I move them around, it's not like she knows
My mother cries and my father stands strong letting one or two tears hit the ground
But I stand there and read names of strangers all around
Leaving behind people like my parents who mourn and remember
And granddaughters like me who don't cry and whatever
My mom calls it being strong for the family and says I'm okay
I think she's in denial of my lack of display
But alas a tear fell in fourth grade
I recall, putting my cat down at such a young age
Made me realize that death is a gateway to nothing
But leaving behind family that struggles with living
So I just won't show it anymore I determined when we left the vet place
I walk right by death and I don't leave a trace
He could knock on my door and I'd take him by the hand
Show him the bed and where to stand
Just like I stood during my grandpa's last day
He can stare at me and wonder looking on
Is there something wrong with this human?
I find myself thinking that I know it all, but I still am left asking
Should I be worried about something? Is it okay to feel nothing?

her soul was the flavor of anarchy
and he knew he wanted a taste
silver roses and bloodred flame
to win her heart was a lovely game
he kissed her in the rain
and she touched him without shame
he wanted her heart
but only got pain
she played around
with the strings of his heart
but she sometimes feared
she would tear them apart
a flicker
or flame
a bite
and a taste
of her
anarchy
soul.

There were rainbow colors in the skies
=
She had clouds in her eyes
=
She saw things with colors no ones ever seen before
=
She had keys to every door.
=
All of them except for his heart
=
And it slowly tore her apart
=
It tore her to pieces
=
And now she is dreamless
=
And all of her colors are gone

Those were not my tears,
they were memories streaming
that I can't get back

1:09 AM
2/6/19