I would give up
The world, my life
My soul, my heart
Give everything up for you
But the only thing
You will give up on
Is me

Dear anxiety,

i know you still cling to me
like clockwork, you never fail
to show up,
control my every move,
like a puppet and its master—

pulling the strings

making me look at my life
through a mirror,
yet I'm forever scared—

to lose you—
old friend.

i walk around in a haze,
but you're there to comfort me,
a static noise i can't turn off

old friend—

i can't sleep without you
sleeping beside me,
sending shivers down my spine,

i feel you touching me,
with your cold breath.

i shiver - I'm scared—
of what you do to me.


but i let you stay.

you influence my speech,
put words in my mouth—
that i didn't want to say.

make me stutter,
’cause i can feel you

clawing at the door—

to let you in
when everything seems calm

i always let you back in

i ask you to leave,
but you make me stutter—

You poison me—

and i end up
begging you to stay

you know you're my weakness.

you may burn everything to the ground,
everything i have—
but i can't get rid of you—

i always hear you calling my name
answer it in a heartbeat, old friend—

you understand me and comfort me,
I'm addicted to the feeling of drowning,
with tears running down my face
I'm addicted to the ghost inside of me—

i hate you
but i still let you in

i regret it.

i stopped feeling
and started accepting—
that you're always here,
you're part of me.

My heart—frozen still,
searching for the will
to forget you.

The alcohol takes its course.
Tears slide down my cheeks
as I try,
fail,
try again
to forget you.

Was my love real?
Or just something to play with—
fooled by the warmth,
cut by your words,
sharp as paper.

You made my heart ache.
Still, I stayed.
Now you just make the alcohol
taste sweeter—
and the night colder—
with every sip.

It's okay,
the drink—
is the love I need for the night.

Our favorite song—
all I can hear
is us singing it
with our whole hearts.

Was it love,
or just—
need?

Every memory in my head—
crumbles.
'Cause all I have now is this bottle
to pour my tears into—
to remember every lie,
you shakily whispered,
in my ears, holding hands.

Now you're gone.
All I have left
is the drink—
we used to share.

They say life is a show that must go on,
but what happens when the show is over,
when the music fades,
the sun sets, and the curtains close?

Will everyone forget the wrong I've done,
the pain I caused?
Will they clap when the show is over—
find reasons for me to be missed?

Will the ones I love—
when they feel empty—
keep me
in their memory?

I've caused pain,
made people cry,
broken hearts—
but will any of that matter
when the curtains close?
Tears have been shed.
Will they care what I've done?
Will they stutter my name?

Will I be able to rest easy—
knowing everyone thinks of me fondly,
and leaves out the rest?

The ones who once hated me,
will they be able to forget,
and love me for the memory I bring—
leave out the rest?

Please, find a reason for me to be missed.
Forget the rest.

Time is ticking—
I only have so much—
time,
before the curtain
makes the credits roll.

Please, don't resent me
for the things I've done.

Leave the hatred,
leave the pain,
the tears—
with the closing curtains.
Find reasons to miss me.
Let me live as a fond memory—
before my time comes,
and the curtains close.