I found us
And I killed us.

I shouldn't have.


-- Watercolour

Punched me in the guts
I know that I can't tell you it
You already know
Saying what ever is on your mind
Is saying what ever just whatever?
I showed you the part
Apart of me
A part of me
Part of me isn't going to be
Because what ever I can be
I will be
But what is a matter? I do not.
Punched me in the guts
I tried to say it
But you could not.

How heavy are these words unspoken:
It's almost as if I disregarded
All the weight of the world
Already on my hollowed shoulders

I've found my new hold of home
And despite a pulsing contentment that makes more than sense,
I'm still catching my muffled thoughts
Request your attention;
It's that kind of imagining
That feeds off tunnel vision
And brief but meaningful exchanges

It's that kind of
"Where have you been all my life
and why can't you be a part of it now?"
That performs like automatic transmission
And interprets a second of a glance
As a spark of a chance.

The damage is done, I suppose
Nothing could really burn worse
Than what the flames have already touched

You have your ice princess
With her glistening curls
And bright, beautiful eyes
To cool you down when
Your temper begins to scorch

...

And it isn't me.

How heavy are these words unspoken:
It's almost as if I had disregarded
Any pinch of this mysterious mess that is romance
Counteracts
My sturdy, broad, broad shoulders

I shouldn't miss you
I shouldn't want to pick up the phone and call you
So why does my heart ache
Why do I dwell

I shouldn't miss you
You hurt me almost beyond repair
So why do I miss you
And your gentle touch
And the way you said my name

I shouldn't miss you
Or how you said "I love you" with little hearts
Because in the end you didn't mean it
It was all *******

Yet, I still miss you
Why do I miss you

I am happy,
But why is that those tears wont stop falling?

It's the right thing,
But why is that it doesn't feel like so?

I am strong,
But why is it that I need to be strong?

I should not feel this way,
But why is it that my feelings have become so bipolar ?

It's bravery,
But why is it that I feel it's an act of fear instead?

I am not oblivion no more,
But why is it that i feel there is much behind every path?

I fear failure,
But why is that I feel that it is a fear of success?

I should enjoy the moment,
But why is it that my brain cant comprehend to happiness no more?