Girl. Girl in the back of the class. Girl with her camera off. Girl hiding in the dark. Hazel eyes and the broken smile. Lights off as she hides from reality; Immersed in fiction. The girl with the broken smile The smile that no one knows. So, to the girl. The girl with the broken smile. The girl whose silent tears put her to sleep at night I see you. I know you. I am you. I believe in you. Girl.
I'm not good with hello's or goodbyes because when you are someone as invisible as a whisper on the wind as the atoms in our skin or a melody trapped within there's no one waiting to greet you and no one there to leave you
I'm just a cellophane wrapped scream waiting to be heard, waiting to be seen
I want to be thought of as wild, feral, absolutely uncontrolled, I want people to see me as barely restrained, I want my hair to be an total mess and my smile to be a little unnerving, I want my hands to be as soft as the sweetest moss but my fists as rough as the stones beneath, I want to look like I've just climbed a tree or I'm about to dive into the ocean, I wish to be perceived as thunderstorm, a maelstrom, I am lost but not looking for a way home.
I find myself clawing at the rays of light. The way they flood and cease. Rivers to droplets seeping through the cracks in the wooden walls. They run through the gaps in my fingers too, sometimes they go right through me. Blood and veins glowing from the seams. I can never figure out where they come from. Or why they choose to illuminate me. There are beauties in the world that beg to be seen. They deserve the light I receive. I want to give it all away. My spot in the visible. Give me the silence of the dark. The empty that surrounds. I’ve longed to wear it again like a second skin; cold and comfortable. I want to return to the dark I know I am worth. Unseen, unheard, unbroken.
I like the light that bathes me. and how it feels like wind. But I feel the way it cuts and I think it’s been too long.