We put gas in our tanks and pretend
all our claws are clean and pick at the bones
and the guts and we’re not satiated.

We give our souls and smiles and bodies and ****,
we’re not gifts or garbage, we’re human slot machines.

We are sterile in our thoughts,
and septic everywhere else
in a fashion that’s tasteless,
yet not obscene.

Donate clothes to the poor through
homophobic institutions because
what else can we really do?

Powerless, and yet so convinced we’re going to
fight the bureaucracy some day, and **** yeah
spell check writes half of my good **** nowadays.
I navigate online dictionaries seldom and cowardly.

Most of my writing is anti-revolutionary in the sense
that I hate what I desire intellectually and sincerely
but only because I want it so ******* bad,
and in the end I’m powerless
and empty and distant.

You have your hands around her neck yet she's not afraid. She's so love struck she doesn't feel your grip getting tighter. She gasps for air but you're giving her "love" so she doesn't care. You hold her tightly behind your back not letting anyone see that she's your back up, your plan B. Her delicate hands Trimble and you don't care because the power you posses over her is too addictive for you to let go of. Your evil deceiving words assuring love and protection melt her heart, but your promises never fulfilled. Twisting her words making HER the one at fault for all of your ***** ups and misconceptions. Her heart longs to be accepted, to be "good enough" for you. When she is a sweet daisy trying to grow through rocks and thistles, you are but **** on a gym shower room floor. You will NEVER deserve this flower, this gem, that you think you have control over. One day this princess will become a queen, fight for what she wants and what she deserves.

saying I am a little offended is an understatement
for years I have stood by your side
and watched the **** you let carcass your skin
send shivers through your bones
who in the end break them all in half
and pile them back into my arms again
where I rebuild, restore, reform
but you destroy, demolish, devour
each time
but eventually
I never gave you back
to the souls who feed on your essence
like a power outlet
and I am told I am in the wrong
that I cannot play the heroine in this light
that you don’t want to feel my hands
that my breath for you was in vain
and it ******* hurts
and I want to rip
and tear
and leave
this life behind
because even when I am needed
I am still utterly not wanted.

to live is to dream
to die is to awaken
my life was nothing
more, then surely mistaken
the monsters and demons
that stay inside of my head
don't won't to leave
because they have a
nice comfortable bed
they sing and dance
as they chant their spells
cursing me with sorrows,
regrets, leaving me in hell
my thoughts towards the world
is now just filled with ****
leaving me to drink and drown
on pain and ***
I dream of dreams but
end up with nightmares
now I go to sleep
saying nothing but prayers
I miss my old self, the
person who I once was,
the ***** old homeless who
slept in a broken down bus
the evil is so strong, it's
to late to runaway
like my monsters and demons
I might as well stay.

It's 3:05PM and as I sit outside in the warm sun, the sounds of a vacuum off in the distance and maybe a few cars that pass by, it dawns upon me: I don't need you. You don't control me. Whatever hold you had on me is gone, and I have come out the other side victorious and better for it.





Have a nice life, *******.