Turning her head
as if to  bury  it all
back under the covers..
This hiding away
from me

from everything  about me
that could hold her

right where she is at--
This crazy holding

That cannot stop itself
That cannot keep  from doing
what it does
That cannot control itself
from what  it feels

every  time  she  shows  me
(who it is that she is)


She is anything
but a death  to me
whenever she sings,


whenever  she..

There will come a time where we will put all our wishes in hopes of the world favoring our unmet needs. There is cruelty, there is emptiness, there are ghosts, there are cemeteries, there are parks comfortably sitting under the tree, there are seas yet to be discovered, and then there's me picking up the phone and waiting for you to answer.

I know you've been busy lately, lifting yourself up like a broken love song, finishing the last verse of moving forward—and I wait for you here, in hopes of your answering. Even your voicemail I miss, and I long for your broken body inside my head. Your voice I could hear everywhere. Familiarity sinks in while I look into the eyes of every soul I meet—not once did I see you there, but I see you now in every blinking second, in every touch of the flickering lights, and the darkness envelops them with an embrace.

The traffic lights, the piano hustling, the cars beeping, your hands softly ruffling my hair, lightly poking my now bitten cheeks, and I let out a laugh I've been meaning for you to hear. Reminding you of childhood, wishing you'd pick up the small crumpled paper and take you back when you were younger. I will be observing you from afar while you correct the choices that you made on your exam. Erasing those youthful drawings you've done and you...going back to your own nostalgia, where you feel most at home.

I lowered my gaze and ran as fast as I could, chasing the portal that the gods created. I was brought back here, in our home, where our plans were scattered in the room. Where our tears meet on the other side of the bed. Where our hands almost reached the final step of the ladder, and then there's light waiting, trying to take us in.

But you did not look back, and I went home alone. When I blinked, all I could see was the harsh reality of the world—but this has been my heaven for a long time. I guess there was something that pulled us under and we met—for the last time. I tucked you into your old house's bed, where you could sleep peacefully at night with the people you never forgot; I gently brushed your soft silky hair while the light waited outside the room.

And now, we're far away again, like how the lighthouse watches every night for travelers to come pass her by—in hopes they overcome the sea in comfort and safety. I watch you leave again and I wait for another lifetime. Next time, I hope you pick up the phone.