Like buying Irish tea bags in the 'World Food' aisle
I like to take my jeopardy close to my native Isles

I do buy silky underwear, but only M&S
- trying something sexier will only cause me stress

I stick to those experiments with familiar ingredients
You'll never mistaken me for some sort of deviant

I like to take my journeys only slightly off track
I like it when the menu includes a Big Mac

Don't judge me for my caution,
you’ve no idea what it's like
when my mother keeps on telling me,
cosmopolitan is hype

silence can be...awkward.
but it can also be a powerful tool.
depending on your intention, it can represent respect.
repentance.
introspection.
it can help you grieve.
it can make it easier to breathe.
and in a world that can bring the brutality of war
into the safety of your home,
when you feel lost for words,
like there's nothing you can say,
the sound of silence can say it all

I am weightless, rocked,

embedded in the warm moon --


of your body curve.

you asked me if a i wanted a house tour
at my first frat party
during my first
weekend at
school.

I still feel the heat of your breath
as it hits my skin.

I still smell the liquor as you start to lean in

I still remember the feeling of your hands
as you granted yourself  permission to explore my body
as if you had been gifted the key to the city.

your fingertips were like fire.
slowly burning across my skin
igniting a rage within my heart
that I would never learn
to put out.



   "911, what's your emergency.....?

                       ...I am burnt beyond repair...

I like to nestle

between my thick ***** cats --


the divan cushions.

Lisa and I got our emails the same day.
She read hers first. She made a small
sighing sound, the faintest of protests.
Then broke the news, with a scowl,
“They’re moving classes online “temporarily.”

I don’t want to talk about Corona any more
- I want to scream about it. Maybe we’ll
graduate, in three years, without knowing
what most of our classmates look like -
​​antithetical to university “networking”.

I’m lucky, I know - I’m only inconvenienced.
I roam, safely, indoors, impatiently untouched by
adult, real world concerns, like jobs and money.
So I’ll keep my head up and smile like those
glamorous, happy girls in ****** commercials.

Squat down, knees to chin,

and your arms tight around them --


safe like angel's wings.

Your hands on me
They're so sweet and
You tread so lightly
Moving along my thighs
Rubbing patterns into my soft skin
At the apex I close my eyes
Bathing in the warmth of your touch
In that moment I can breathe
I'm with you and I'm happy
But I have memories like bad dreams
Showing up so unexpectedly
And suddenly
Your hands turn to his
It's no longer your body against me
Pleasure turned fear
Burning into me like electricity
My brain goes offline
It fills with music instead
Trying to cover up these demons
But my body cannot forget
All of my muscles are frozen in time
It's 2014 again
Why can't I feel your hands on mine?
Feel your arms wrapped around me?
My lips find yours
I want our spark back
I'm trying so hard
Just to come back
I want this
I want you
But my body doesn't know
It doesn't realize you are safety
That we stopped right away
Because you can see me
That you care if I'm there
And give me space to breathe
As this trauma leaves me bare
You stay with me
You tell me I'm ok
And that we don't have to do anything
I'm broken and I'm grateful
Terrified and wondering
And even though it takes awhile
For me to find myself again
When I'm ready you still kiss me
And it shows that you understand

I have a gun and

like to have it with me, but --


where can I put it?

sometimes i decide to be brave
but in doing so, i put on a set of armor that covers this delicate body
no one can hurt me this way
no sword can pierce my skin
no word can break my bones  
nothing at all will harm me

but . . .
what if . . .

one day i decided to be brave
and take off this metal illusion of safety
because there are times when bravery means being able to feel
even the pain
some days, it isn't holding yourself together, but shedding tears that takes the most courage
as i unfasten my breastplate and drop my shield
i think to myself
this is living:
not shielding yourself from feeling
this is healing
only by allowing yourself to break