You are still waters that run deep;
a challenge some may say.
But to me, your closed emotions
are like a test to see
if I can crack you open.
You're not one to spill your secrets
yet every time we talk
whether it be cellular device
or heart to heart in person
I notice
(for intrinsically I notice everything hidden and important not seen with the naked eye)
I notice you slip
some of your most shielded
vulnerabilities
and I catch them
with soft cold hands
(because for some reason or other my hands are always cold)
with soft cold hands warmed
by your toasty rough ones warmed
by your sensible muttering warmed
by your discreet aspirations warmed by your witty attitude.
I like that we can be waggish
together like two jesters
high strung.
My facetious view on life is somewhat wrought with doubt.
My senseless family drama scaling backwards for months on end.
Return is what I want; a sense of peacefulness whereas I'm pulled into the flighty nature of my parents' inconsistencies and my aunts' finicky nature when all I want is for everyone to get along.
You have your barriers drawn and sometimes and I don't mind it.
We are emotional opposites, bouncing off each other like ping pong *****, but in this scenario it works because we've both got paddles and are willing to play.
That's what I see in you.
An ever-eager possibility;
passionate in your politics,
loyal to your friends,
leader in some circumstances
when I am at a loss for words.
And you spark a sort of electric chord within me, plugging right into my frontal lobe, sparking my interest, lighting up my receptors.
My neurons have never been this happy before; I have never in my life had a romantic reciprocal relationship like this before.
Nothing has prepared me for this.
This floundering of feelings, sloppy, spilling, leaking out of the cauldron every time we speak.
You are boiling broth, a frothy drink I've put up to my lips and sipped from, a drink I did not order but delightful all the same.
You are still waters that run deep;
a sensual spice of parsley or dill that can lighten up any dish;
and it doesn't take a genius to see how much I need a person like you in my life to challenge every predisposition of romance I've seen, read, fantasized or imagined.
Caught in the slipstream of figuring out my future after the new year has yet to arrive. There's still so much to work out; there's still so much hope I have brimming inside me even after my confessions, even after I've asked for forgiveness and complacency.
Where there's hope and forgiveness, there's also peace.
Maybe all it took was the repetition of swimming pools in dreams this past week to understand where I stand. I'm not drowning anymore.
I'm on the edge of the pool looking into clear waters, finding the wise guide of my blue water dragon
and his humongous whiskered face
staring straight at me, into me, telling me that I have all the strength I need to overcome the obstacles. I need not cling to fear any longer. I need not hide away, like I've done in the past, behind thick curtains to blot out the light.
My only constant now is the sun rising and the moon waning.
You are still waters that run deep;
a sure-bound belief
that everything will be okay.
