My mother used to hide *****
In the freezer,
In the back behind the peas and corn.
I decided to try it.
A sip and a burn
And my lips went numb.
That's what it felt like to kiss you.
A gulp, or two
Or three
Or seven, (who's counting?)
later I got a head rush and
that's what it felt like to kiss you;
The burn and the numbness.
The release of realizing
You were far more intoxicating.

It bugs me that the way things play out in my head are never how they go in reality. I guess that's just the reality of life. Things may not go according to plan, or anyway close. So, why do I keep planning? Why do I keep expecting? I guess that's just a habit that needs breaking. What's worse, constantly biting your nails or constantly biting  onto the hopes of a lost dream being found and coming true? They never do...for me at least. But I'll keep this brief. I just needed some..relief...

The cigarette or the pen,
which will be more effective?

Have you felt the caress of rain
like a cautious, caring lover soothing pain away.
Touched the night sky with your gaze
felt it reciprocate with no haste.
Have you ever loved what no other had dared
adored?
Out of fear of the beauty of the unknown.
Sighed along with the thunder of a storm,
being captured in the flash of lightening strike.
Have you felt and failed,
despaired and wailed,
thought and smiled;
Let the clamour of the rain wash away the fears,
the tears?
Take a moment, breathe, remember your sanity
is far more important.
Have you had a moment for yourself today?

voices calm me
they never alarm me
they try to harm me
but I just hide

it's hard to work with
but it's always worth it
to feel the relief
that I feel inside

it's a struggle to
always run
it's a struggle to know
where i come from

voices excite me
my room ignites
the flames worry me
but I just hide

hide, hide
constant run
constantly running
until we see the sun

we don't stop
for no one less
because our souls
will undress

my room ignites
my poetry in flames
the voices bite
but I just hide

Just one more cut
but I've been clean for 2 months
Just one more, you won't have to feel the pain any more
isn't life unbearable? Just one more cut, and you'll feel better
okay
once I start, I can't stop
more, more, more
I need more
all along my arms, my thighs, my shoulders
Deeper, I need to cut deeper, to make the relief last
I can't believe how pathetic I am, I never stay clean long
I guess that's why its called an addiction
I'm a hollow shell, and somehow this silver little blade fills me up with relief and happiness for at least a short little time.