dear whatevers up there, im currently choking on my own soul in my room whilst thom yorke croons into my ears,
surrounded by paper and **** and all i can think of is the decaying in my bones.
dear whatevers up there, please save me.
im not here, this isnt happening.
everything is piling up and im drowning in myself.
dear whatevers up there, please save me.
i want to shiver and breathe until i reach something new.
dear whatevers up there, please save me.
i want to curl and coil until i reach something old.
dear whatevers up there, please save me.
i want to fade and dilute until its like i never really was.
dear whatevers up there,
please save me.

We are bugs under his shoes.
Not a loved child, in terrible two’s.
Disobedient children couldn’t be so far.
We are grains of sand, and he is a star.
Trample our cities under his feet.
We believe he loves us, an epic conceit.
So full of ourselves, we hope he will serve us.
We pray for glory, success, and surplus.

Warmth, joy, a love so true,
Emotions I never knew—
Not until my soul met yours,
Not until you opened doors.

I once believed in fairy tales,
Foolish dreams that always failed,
But then I saw the way you stare,
And found my home within your care.

You say the words don’t come with ease,
But love speaks soft in moments seized.
Your smallest acts, the way you see
The parts of me I thought unseen.

Your laughter lifts, your smile shines,
A light that feels forever mine.
I’d fight the world, I’d stand so tall,
Just to see you through it all.

I know that nothing gold can stay,
That time may steal this love away,
Yet still, I beg the stars above—
Make you my endless, only love.

For though your lips stay quiet still,
Your heart speaks louder than your will.
And though these words I dare not say,
I’ll love you more with each new day.

Tell me;

when does the suffering end, when does the weight lift up,
of waiting on unanswered prayers? Who else is out there to
place all the blame on, when your self-blamed self blames
you right back?  

who do you believe in less, firstly - God or yourself?
When facing all of the four walls, whose pinned up walls
stand much stronger? Who is fed firstly – an empty stomach,
or your poverty’s hunger?

For I am beginning to rest myself on canine sugars – a mutt
chasing after the sweetness of biting their own tail. Whereas
your daily bread seems to have gone a bit stale!

I’m not ready to die; but then again – I’m not so willing
to stay. And that makes for this to be… a scary prayer!

Beneath this stone, a light once shone,
A son laid down, the battles won.
In tender arms, a dream to hold,
A mother's heart, forever cold.

Though time may pass and shadows creep,
In memories bright, your spirit keeps.
Each whispered word, each silent prayer,
In every tear, you linger there.

No path more cruel than this we tread,
For parents mourn the child who’s fled.
Yet love remains, a guiding light,
In darkest hours, your soul takes flight.

So here we stand, our hearts entwined,
In grief, in love, forever bind.
Though life's cruel twist has sought to part,
You live forever in our heart.

Today's Gospel is from Matthew 15:29-37. It describes Jesus performing miracles of healing and a vast crowd of people had gathered and followed him for several days. He looks out and says: "My Heart is moved with pity for the crowd... I do not want to send them away hungry and possibly collapse on the way back." They have a little food between them, Jesus blesses it, breaks it, gives it to his disciples and from there to the people with seven baskets full of leftovers. What I want to focus on is not the miracle, but Jesus' statement that "My Heart is moved with pity." It's a fine enough description in English, but in the Greek, it is called splaghchnizomai, which means "be moved in the inward parts". It comes from a word meaning internal organs, a deep gut-level response, "visceral feeling/reaction".

Have you ever experienced this? Something so powerful, it turns your insides out and can make you feel physically ill? We've all seen those commercials of starving children or helpless animals on TV before. That's how Jesus probably felt or worse to see those people before him starving for physical and, more importantly, spiritual food. I get the feeling when I see someone suffering and there is nothing that I can do to ease their discomfort. I can only pray. To be honest, prayer might be the only thing that can help, and we should take great joy in the fact that we have a way to help, we believe and have faith that prayers will be answered, and we have the gift of asking others to intercede and lift their voices in prayer joining our own.

Lord God, how perfectly, how intimately, you must understand and experience our joys, our burdens, and our sufferings with us. How connected you are to all we go through. If this is true, it's unimaginable what you must have experienced on the cross with the weight and pain of all sin, all the suffering in the world. It makes our trials easier to bear because, at mass, you unite your very self within us. You become part of us and, likewise, we become part of you. We do not walk this road alone, because you share and understand, better than anyone else, what we are going through.

Lord, help us to develop a greater connection with you, give us the grace to be moved in our inward parts by love, compassion, mercy and all the gifts and blessings that flow from you. Let us act swiftly and come to the aid of those in need. Perhaps, our own crosses, our own struggles and trials, are preparing us to have that tender heart of mercy toward someone in a similar situation that they can find hope and peace in the midst of the storm. We ask this and all things in the name of the Father who created us, the Son who died for us, and the Holy Spirit who lives within us. Amen

My Goddess divine,
I have stumbled yet again.
My Goddess wise,
Fallen for a mortal gave I.
My Goddess blind,
Is it just for I to love?
She is a beauty,
Yet, she sees not the beauty in she.
My Goddess strong,
Grant me the same strength,
So I may protect her as you have protected me.
My Goddess, my angel,
Look upon me with favor.
For I will need these blessed days,
To learn from you,
And so I may love her.