It is true pain changes people.
But you know what pain also does;
it hurts you,
it breaks you,
it drains you,
it disconnects you from the
people around you at times.

It sometimes makes you feel
like giving up on your life.
But maybe that's just a phase.

Maybe we have to break to heal.
Maybe we have to fall to rise.
Maybe we give up to fight.
Maybe we have to make mistakes to learn.
Maybe we have to tear to be courageous.

Maybe we have to go through chaos to find peace.
Maybe we have to feel weak to be strong.
Maybe we have to get messed up before we step up.
Maybe going down was a part of the plan of rising
up once again better.

Pain brings out the worst,
the best and sometimes
it is just different.
And you get to choose
who you get to cast yourself as.

You get to pick up those pieces
and place them the way you want to be.
Sometimes it isn't bad, it isn't good,
it's just different.
And that's alright.

Another year and look where I am
Hands deep in my pockets
But no longer depressed
I haven't cut in forever
No painting myself red
I haven't hated myself
Hated my name

I left all that behind in 2018

You didn't.
You stopped in 2016
Dead in the phase when we all were trying to find a reason to live.  
You really did die
When we all were pretending to be
You didn't leave the phase that left me
In 2018

Call me naive.
Blinded by a honeymoon phase
and sickly sweet jest

Because I want to keep
this blindfold
pulled down over my eyes.

I don't want to know
what time it is—
day or night, stars and light —
but this comfort
wraps my body and glues me to my bed.

He likes me
He likes me, not
the me I always try and hide behind
but the me that's real.

And he's honey sweet
and golden feat,
how I managed to find him
I'll never know.

He tells me once
twice and again, actually,
that they couldn't have made
a better half for him in a lab
if they had tried.

I'd lift my blindfold to see
you and your gorgeous honey blue eyes
shining through the dark like a moon,
and what we bake together
might just be the most delicious cake maybe ever.

If my words were sugar
I could have told him then
and there, his lips on mine
tasted sweet.
Like everything he says to me.

But I'm bad at baking cakes with no sugar
and all the store had was keyboards and pens
so I wrote him this instead;

To my perfect other half,
Each joke you make resounds
laugh for laugh, I sculpt you a present
epitaph commemorating you... for you
with words, to say

I think...
I might love you?

wouldn't you want to live every day with substance? or is the only substance you know the one you abuse?

In Search of Truth
The path that I had chosen for the achievement of the eternal truth is giving me nothing now. It started asking me questions, tough to answer and tough to listen too.
I overlooked the mesmerized turns and went straight towards the eternal truth but it now seems like it is not the truth which I am looking for.  
I became pliable for those paths which served a lot of misrepresentations and I took them. They cause me to believe that I am close but I am getting further away.
We speak, we talk, we laugh in accordance with that they shall see us in the order but forgets the main reason's concern too.
I didn't have any idea that I shall find myself broken into the various footsteps of the way to accomplish rather I thought that I have my own way to attain the truth.
In search of myself first, I see nothing which has happened to be taken from entering into my own aspects but found it is portrayed by some others.
In the meantime, if there is a way to exit this path I shall pay for it to my extreme extents eradicating eloquent evincing enemies eternally; my own deceiving traits from my real face.
Horrendous hollows hanging horribly in this way, I can choose the other but then the truth shall also be redefined which is not the thing which I want.
So what's the thing going to happen? Let it happen? I don't want it to happen I want some other things to happen happily. But it will happen whether I do anything but yes I can make it happen for my own good sake and for my truth also.
Let the world come against me I shall fight fearlessly and cause a turbulence of revolution in the way and clear away all those fanatical footsteps and let the liberal moves of mine to fill the hollows and construe the way once again that, 'now it is the one which I expected and when all those questions shall become mere rumors of paradoxical ruins and of utmost pomposity. In that way which I believed and make the era believe shall be my way and that clears away all the barriers, In Search of Truth...'

I am just searching for someone
To fall in love with
Because it is that feeling
That I miss.

'Happier place' they call it
What is this place?
Is it pretty?
Or is it just a phase of life?

Happiness comes in waves they say
High tide or the low tide?
I do not understand this phrase
But I know it fades

Peace. What does that have to do with happiness?
They say happiness is peace
Okay then. I'll be calm.
Calmer, like the dead sea
And then will I be happy?

All these questions
But still a failure to understand happiness
Just quotes and sayings
And people calling their spaces happy

Where do I look?
But before, how do I measure?
Maybe I am happy
But dare I say I am not