The chemical formula for love contains Dopamine, Oxytocin, and Serotonin

Dopamine relieves pain, helps with motivations, movement, and is a leading cause of addiction

Oxytocin controls cognitive control, emotional responses, and social behavior

Serotonin  effects appetite, sleep, memory, and ****** desire

Sweetheart when I met you my internal pharmacy went insane

The ****** in me overdosed on every capsule it could find

But here

Here is the kicker

Overdosing on any piece of this mystical, magical love potion can cause a slough of disorders

Depression

Schizophrenia

Extreme Paranoia

Over all insanity

Somehow

Somehow all this love nonsense

Finally makes sense

they don’t know.
they don’t know.
I tell myself over and over and over.
it’s impossible,
purely impossible,
for one to know my thoughts.
they cannot see me,
they cannot know,
so why is it I hesitate.
this feeling of paranoia,
so strong it drives me to insanity,
bedevils me even now.
I will myself to persuade my mind
that truly they do not know,
cannot know, will not know.
I tremble in the moment,
the ones that debilitate me,
leave me questioning my own reality.
it feels that they’re inside my head,
beckoning me...taunting me.
but I tell myself no, no,
no way in hell can they know.
for surely it is not possible,
for them to see me.
so why do these anxieties plague me,
over things I know they cannot know.

I desperately ransack
Crumpled sheets and pillows
Hunting for you
At any time of day
As the sun glares at me
Shining rays of duty onto
My faded features
And bloodshot eyes

When I can't find you
Sparks bury under my skin
But when I turn
It's just the sunlight
Turning me into liquid wax
My eyes dissolve but
I don't care
They deserve to be punished

You're always out at night
I ring the bell so much
That I get tinnitus
But sacrificing my hearing
Is all for nothing
Because you leave my offering
Bleeding in its temple
The scornful God you are

You want me to use pills
To hunt you down but
I won't satisfy your desires
I know you like a game
But your opponent
Is apathetic towards life
Your worst fear
How can you twist numbness?

So we intertwine
A symbiotic relationship
You need me to have you
To exist as an action
This brinkmanship
Might push me to the edge
But I can live on the brink
Can you?

You gave me anxiety attacks,
And I loved it.

The mural, it was of myself
Amongst lycanthropic flowers
I was in the Balkins
And 6am was the hour

I saw this in a psych ward
The strangest thing it was
To see a portrait of myself
It seemed as if I was in Hell

The up side
everyone knows your name

The down side
everyone knows your name

shirelles
monday night
alone in a big house
light the candles
another one of my rituals
born one hour,
dead the next
to make room
for other
prayers
postures
pen tips
but the way candles
flicker in the sweet
soul
is not another ritual
warm life
to the tune of golden
notes
swimming through
once bleak
     once empty
once impure
       air
and suddenly, I am baptized
more than I ever was
in that sterile, dead
chlorine
    more than spent hymns
in drafty cathedrals
       so, the sound lives.


my bed would tilt
           at twelve years old
I'd wake
               startled of the
                       psychic death
spread like bodies after
            a paid for war
I'd scream like the cats
              fighting by the window
at my aunts house
               I would huddle with
my childhood
                     hiding from the puberty
that stalked me
like a jungle cat
               the mind reeled with
my spent pulse and
                 at night
                        under shamed
                   covers
                                 bitten fingertips
the white light
           on the street
                              looking on