the first time, you took me to an abandoned mental hospital. it was definitely one of the crazier experiences i've had. we nearly got caught by the cops and i've never felt so comfortable around someone i just met. i remember when you walked me home and we talked about past lovers and the scars they left. our scars were similar. i didn't expect to fall for you as quickly as i did, but i don't think you did either.

the second time, you brought me to a train bridge. i thought you wanted to jump. you brought me under the bridge to the beams and told me it was safe to walk on them. i don't think i've ever been so scared before. but i trusted you and it went fine. so i trusted you more and more. it kept going fine. i trusted you with my heart and you obliterated it. you even warned me, and i guess that's partially my fault for not listening.

the third time, you brought me to an abandoned building. when we climbed over the fence, you assured me nothing would happen. nothing happened. you brought me into the basement and i felt fear rushing through my veins. you took out a can of spray paint, painted the date and our names and handed it to me. i couldn't think of anything so i wrote, "all things come to be loved and lost". when we left, we found ourselves walking towards an oncoming train and it took everything in both of us to move. i'm glad we did.

the fourth time, you brought me to your house and your mother greeted me with a warm smile and one of the biggest hugs i've ever received. you went into the kitchen as she hugged me and whispered into my ear, "thank you for making him happy again." and i didn't know what to say. in my opinion, you got worse when i came into your life. maybe it was just to get a reaction out of me. maybe you actually felt that way. your little sister looked me like i was an angel that just walked into a house full of sinners. i'll never forget how grateful she was to see you smile for the first time in months.

the last time, we met at the mental hospital again. after not talking for over two months, this was the first time we'd actually spent time together since that night at your mom's. you tried your hardest to make it like old times, but it didn't work. things changed and you couldn't see it. your laugh started to fade from my memory and now it plays like a broken record on repeat in my head. your words caused havoc in my mind and i'm not sure if they'll stop.

it's been 7 months since we called it off and your words left permanent scars in my head and on my arms. your friends glare at me when i walk down the halls and it sends shivers through my spine. i can't drive by your house anymore. i still have the necklace you gave me, i can't bring myself to get rid of it. it's the last piece of you i have. i wonder if you still have my baby picture. you might've burned it. but that wouldn't have been the first time you burned me.

if you need me, i'll be in my future
where the how's are no longer,
the what's made me stronger,
and there's no need to hide away.

try not to need me, i'm stuck in my head
where the why's are not clear,
the when is too near,
so i don't want to be needed today.

The only time Women and Sports Cars should be mentioned in the same sentence is when i get nervous with ruining it
And i get paranoid about damaging them when everything is fine
Obviously i get more nervous with Women
But Sports Cars is the closest thing to that i could think of.

I drag pen across paper
and watch the ball point
linger,
as do you,
ever present on my mind,
still after all this time.

You are a flower that blooms
in my center
and I catch glimpses
of your sweet fragrance
with every move I make.  

With each deep breath
I take
I long to hear you echo it.

You are the sun that
kisses my temples
and dances on the mountaintops
that make up the peaks
of my cheeks.

You are my temple
because the thought of you
is sanctuary.

And yet, the thought of you is scary.

A wild and powerful creature
you are
that I sit and watch from afar.

Never would I think to cage you,
only to engage you
for you are much too fierce
to lock within my rib cage
next to my fragile heart.

I long for you to coax it from behind is bars.

I am much too lost
in your wilderness to
remain tame.

All my stoic efforts are
soon to be in vain
because you are a racing river
that has swept me away.

I find myself speechless
with so much to say
and an idle tongue,
as though my voice has
been carried away
on the butterfly wings
that softly hum
anytime I feel your presence.

But how could one fit your essence into simple words?

You are beyond so much more
than words could ever speak,
especially for a meek mouse
who hides behind her rosy cheeks
and tendrils of copper hair.

You tie my tongue,
yet it dares to delight
at every chance it has
to bite at you and
dance with yours.

I long to dance with you
as two become one,
such as the hummingbird and the flower.  

You are the flower,
vibrant and graceful,
and I am a bird who can't keep still,
for my mind does race
and my heart beats with such insistence
at the thought of your existence.

In everything I do I am reminded of you.

Your face leaps forth
from the landscape of my life,
and in your eyes
I see divine light.

If I only ever get
to watch you from my hiding places,
I will revel in my heartbreak, but it will be alright.

I am honored that your light
shines on me
for you are an amazing being
to behold.

You are my muse.

The world has lost its taste
The trees don't even smell the same
I face this doom that looms over me daily
I'm afraid, a bit nervous..
I'm tired of feeling tired and sick of being sick..
I want to feel again.. I want the rain to wash my pain away.. I miss you to the depths of my soul and I feel your absence as it knocks the wind out of me... Then a small voice cries out in agony saying, "you can do it, just one more day, just one more month, just one more lifetime.."

I would drink her if her words came in a bottle
If my hands stayed steady long enough to quit shaking
and finally hold her hand.

Without you my heart is calm
My head is quiet
Every worry is neatly tucked away where it belongs
Then one day out of the blue you called
You called and you compared me to objects hidden in the fog
You said
You couldn’t quite see me
But I thought, you wandered these streets every day
Then you said
You knew I was somewhere
You just couldn’t remember the place
I guess you didn’t want me to be in your way
But then I heard you say
That you didn’t want to hit me
Or hurt me in any way
You continued to say
There was this fire ablaze in your chest
I was a passion so toxic yet more cunning than the rest
I put your better judgement to the test
Then you confessed
Without me your head would be a mess
That comparing me to the fog was twisting your heart
That within it held truth
Your fear escaped the incarcerating bars of your lips
That everything you ever wanted was so close yet so far
You feared taking time from me
You begged to see me this week
Weakly I agreed
When I saw you
You said you didn’t want to rob me of my time
You held my cheeks and whispered sweet
“When you could be out there discovering who you are.”
Then you softly said
These words forever embedded in my head
“But you’ll always own a piece of my heart.”
No no no I will not give in
You continued
“When I have children they’ll ask me about my first love
And I’ll tell them who you are
I’ll explain that I allowed you to break my heart
That I should’ve known from the start that when two souls like ours meet
It will never end well”
        Finally silence set
        I looked to you and said
        Love when the fog lifts back into the sky
        When your world is finally clear
        It will be easy to see
        That I am fear
        Fear is chance