I don't think.
I never do.
I dive in head-first,
without knowing
the depth of the water.
Without having a clue.
I jump in without
a single thought.
Only when the
shock of the cold
water ***** the air
from my lungs,
do I realize the
damage that
could be done.
I cannonball into
the deepest end.
And it is there,
that split second
in mid-air,
when I decide
whether I'll
sink or swim.

oh my god
i am so sorry

it's just that my battery died and i drove around for hours looking for your new second floor apartment
i am sticking my fingers down my throat and i’m gagging until these ******* butterflies find their way out of my cavernous stomach

you aren’t allowed to laugh when i walk through your door with cold taco bell and red cheeks because i’m nervous
you've never seen this freckle before, you don't know my new favorite song
you rest your arms on my legs and move closer to me and we both scream because we’re gonna puke, butterflies

i ask you for a glass of water and you should ask me to leave
trembling, you don’t even use a coaster
i take a sip and stare at the tupperware on the floor, i taste dishwasher soap and it is almost enough to scare these butterflies who used to remain dormant right out of my ******* gut

I remember our first kiss
whiskey and too many cigarettes
I was at my worst
you were at your best
I made you do two lines
after all I needed to feel fine
you made me slightly nervous
you were too observant

Suddenly I stand up to the mic;
               The rooms starts to spin.
               Nobody is talking,
               Everyone is staring through me;
My heart starts beating.
My hands start sticking.
My body starts sweating.
My face turns tomatoe red.
              I wish I was dead;
              Instead I'm here at this poetry jam -- Frozen.

Today I am so nervous,
I have my first job interview,
That I already rescheduled three times,
I have an honors graduation ceremony,
and my mother will be putting my robe on,
Infront of my peers,
I have a practice before that,
That lasts two hours,
Then I run to my interview,
Then run home to change,
Then be at the ceremony at 6:30
It's a busy day,
and to think,
That tommarow,
I graduate....
maybe tommarow I'll read this poem
and laugh,
I didn't need to be so worried
after all.

Nervousness is the feeling in you're chest,
The light tap tap of the heart,
With a tingling feeling,
Like a butterfly wants to rip out of you're chest,
But stays trapted in a cage,
with a one track mind,
That won't leave you for days,
As you loose sleep and wait,
As worrie and you're face changes,
Pale,
Butterfly, Butterfly,
Please go away...

With apprehension I wait for you to text back
I feel sick to my stomach.
Thoughts racing through my head.
Will it be good?
Will it be bad?
Will I ever be able to talk to you again?
I regret sending that text.
Your typing seems to last a lifetime.
Then: a reply....