I’m not stupid
Honestly, I promise
I think it might be
You making me nervous

I’m bad with speaking
You might think me a fool
I stutter and stumble
Trying to keep my cool

Not much time
To think it through
But I have to analyze
What each word will mean to you

I think and I think
I know what I want to say
The problem is just
I don’t know which way

My words seem to fail me
Mouth moving like a fish
I want to talk, please
It’s my only wish

Scared of saying it wrong
Confusing you, driving you away
I’m so ******* afraid
That I’ll make it not okay

I’ve found my words
Each and every one
But when I look back up
You’re already gone

Love me like crazy
and I'll love you like crazy.
I'll love you until there is no til.
Until the world stands still.
The touch of your skin could keep me warm for several winters.
The stars will align and spell out our names.
The twin stars will shine just for us.
I was never taught how to love another person,
and I never learned how to love myself.
I have always walked in shadows of others
hoping one day they'd turn around,
and find me.
I was never taught how to take care of another person
but I could take care of you,
but only if you want me to,
and you could keep me out of the shadows.

Everyday
It eats away at me more and more.
Like some type of beautiful parasite.
The words I’m aching to say will never come
Rip them out of me
Make me say
What I cannot.

Forgive me, my heart beats too fast.
I suffer from lightheadedness.
In frigid sweats I shrink aghast.
I panic from my breathlessness.

My weakened legs won’t let me stand.
My skin sizzles like it’s been shocked.
Can’t calm the tremor in my hand.
I’m speechless as if jaw’s been locked.

My eyes are crossed in confusion.
I’m frozen like an icy blue.
I’m afraid it’s no illusion.
My body’s broken around you.

Your freckle covered body, your non stop nervous chatter.
Your quirky fashion sense, your "8 year old girl" bladder.

The way you asked for permission before kissing me goodnight.
The way you told me later that you wanted to be mine.

Your beer-fact filled mind, your world war 1 obsession.
Your innocent fumble, your absolute perfection.

My arms are tingling with nervous energy
There are too many words swimming in my head
WRITE THEM DOWN, my mind yells
But the water’s too murky
And the waves much too turbulent
I can’t find them
Where are they where where where
The thoughts are vehicles of reckless drivers
Speeding, screeching, crashing
Are you sane -
Maybe the medicine’s working -
It’s been 2 weeks, right -
Write it down -
The medicine should’ve kicked in -
You’ll feel emptier than before -
I knew since Year 1 -
Just a thought -
Are you okay -
Is mum still mad at me -
I don’t know -
Are you going to pass -
Is something wrong -
I like your art -
Would she appreciate my art -
Why is my head so full of noise -
Should it be this way though -
I don’t know -
Why don’t you know anything for sure -
I don’t know!
Leering, laughing, screaming
Thought the noise was from the hairdryer
So I flipped the switch off
But the noise didn’t go away
It’s all in your head, dummy
Looks like your medicine’s working
Shouldn’t have taken in that caffeine this morning
You’re always in my head
I can feel my heartbeat at my fingertips
Throbbing with frustration and fear
I bite my tongue
And this doesn’t feel good
But I don’t know what to do about it
And neither does anyone.