What I can't seem to figure out
Is that
When I look at you
My heart lights up
It burns bright and fierce
Sharp and strong and thrilling
And yet
My mouth turns down
My eyes frown
And the singing flame in my heart
Burns like shame across my cheeks
The gears in my head freeze
Even as my heart begins to melt
My flesh crawls
Even as it tingles
At the thought
Of you on my skin
I want you close
Even as I want you far
I want to let you in
But I can't

Your name is on the tip of my tongue each moment I have an opportunity to say it
"Oh X and I were just talking about that-"
"X doesn't like that kind of food."
"That's so funny, X was saying the same thing!"
I've never liked the feeling of someone else's name on my mouth more
These are the moments when I wish the folk tales told to me as a child were true
Because if I could say your name three times and you'd appear, I would sing it like a song
Humming each time I felt myself wish you were here
I wonder if your ears burn when I laugh your name to my friends, filling the room with the anxious adoration of my energy
Does my name hold the same power?
The ability to masquerade panic as confidence, in the moments most required
Only to later melt into the world just through recalling the moment you used my name in warmth

i'm sorry that me nervously tapping on the table
annoys you
sara,
but like,
it's not as if i can just
not
have anxiety
or anything.

Hope you feel better than i do
Todays my moms birthday...
i feel so nervous
im tired
my stepdad called me a *** and goth over me being emo
and almost killed me for the 3rd time
i feel like the cover of a fricking Nirvana album
bleh
I don't kno any more

today is shaky
by that,
I mean I am

lingering fingers
drifting eyes
parting away
from some
run down town
and into this diner
our fate awaits

astonishingly
nervous
for lips tasting
of cheap wine

do i scare you?

you touch me like
the slightest misstep, could
break me

is this
tenderness, or
fear?

You realize,
You have 2 more questions.
Your fingers are shaking,
As you click on those last few answers.
You are sweating like crazy,
Sweatshirt sleeves rolled up.
You click submit,
Trembling, you click view score.
You wait, and wait,
For the slow computer to load.
You take a quick glance at your score,
And you breathe a sigh of relief.
Thank goodness it’s over.