the devil on my shoulder whispers the reasons I should call you
it's the reason I'm thinking of you while he's driving me home
why I feel you when his hand is clenched tight in mine
it's foolish but I'd spend the rest of my life falling apart if it meant falling apart with you
your name blends with his and I have to bite my tongue
look what a mess we made

I've always hated roses
Maybe because they're
So flawless compared to my messed up life
Very beautiful compared to my scared skin
It's amazing scent compared to my rotten soul
But a part of me loves roses
Because it has thorns just like me
We both hurt unsuspecting people

Piles and piles of garbage
Everywhere
In my room
In my brain
Clutter
In my mind
I'm too busy sitting in it
To do any spring cleaning

I am terrified to let you know how I really feel
But time is spinning forward faster than a wheel
Each day that passes is another chance I lose
Cowardly silence is what I always seem to choose
For what if I let my polished surface crack?
Only to discover you don't love me back?
So I act indifferent, like I don't care at all
Determined not to be the first to text or call
I'm safer with you thinking I don't give a ****
You have no idea how badly I'm stuck
Controlled by the fear of getting hurt once more
That's what happened when I shared feelings before
But they keep growing, I have nowhere to hide
They have almos filled me up completely inside
And I start to wonder how much longer
I'm able to pretend these emotions aren't stronger..
I'll admit I'm scared to tell you what is inside my heart
But which am I more afraid of? Being real? Or being apart?

My life is a mess,
full of ups and downs but,
she is the variable that
constantly keeps my equation of life;
balanced.

I was stupid.
I let people in,
I got to close.
I know better,
but I messed up,
and it shows.
I couldn't help it,
I craved it so,
physical affection,
and someone that knows.