I want to scream until my lungs give out,
collapse on the floor,
tear off this paper-thin smile
and spit out the lie of “romanticizing life.”

“It’s just you and me again,” I mutter,
staring at the mirror, a blank, colorless canvas.
Eyes hollow, face streaked with tears and a half-formed grin.
F*ck, you’re unbearable. I want to punch you so bad.

If I stop, is it release or just cowardice?
The thought drifts away like smoke.
I drag myself upright,
patching the cracks with silence,
fastening the mask once more.

The mirror waits,
its hollow twin whispering,
“If not you, then who?”
breath heavy, fingers trembling on the doorknob.
Feeding myself lies before stepping out.
“It’ll get better…” I promise myself
like a broken prayer
time and time
and time
again.

No one will wait anymore—
Here, this silence hums its lonely hymn.
If anyone on this earth remembers the path you once took,
If anyone still hears the echo of the door you closed,
If anyone had stood beside you in that relentless rain—
That rain from a season long forgotten—
Will they return to find you here once more?

On the verandah, where evening moths swarm the fading light,
Or inside, as they reach for a half-forgotten tune—
When the fragile thread of melody suddenly snaps—
A withered petal will tremble, then fall,
Unraveling from their grasp like memory itself.

Sickening,
He found it sickening,
How everyone around him seemed to be in love.
Someone,
They all had someone.
They all had the thing he was dreaming of.
Loverboy was surrounded by love,
He found it excruciating.
Loverboy wished for an angel to come down from above,
To end his misery.

How Loverboy loved,
To hear about everyone’s,
Relationships while he was alone.
Loverboy all on his own.

He went through the motions,
Dancing solo.
Solitude had left him destitute,
Crawling to a new low.
Loverboy watched as,
Lovers and friends,
Intertwined hands.
He envied,
His friend,
And hoped her relationship,
Wouldn’t meet a bitter end.

Circling,
Circling thoughts.
Was Loverboy good enough?
Was it something he lacked?
Loverboy pondered as he turned his back.
He closed himself off from the world,
Too afraid to watch his heart unfurl.

How he loved to listen to,
The gossip of the hearts broken in two.
Some relationships were meant to lose,
Fate demands his dues.
How could he be so unlucky?
Surely, this was the work of irony.
Or, perhaps, was he,
Just unlovable from the beginning?

Loverboy learned not to care,
When his friend spoke about her affairs.
After all, he was alone,
With no opinion to offer besides his own.
His friend was clueless,
Clueless about Loverboy’s mind.
He accepted his fate,
That one day he’d be left behind.

Loverboy’s lack of love,
Led to lies of liable fun.
Just smile and listen to the stories they tell,
His tears overflowed inside his well.
Don’t crack,
Don’t break,
Loverboy can’t afford to make a mistake.
After all, it’s not about you,
It never was,
Loverboy knew this to be true.

Loverboy loved to listen to others’ loves.
A lie to keep him up at night.
Loverboy wished an angel would fall from above,
To show him some love,
Some of that fated love.

Somebody, give me your soul.
Clone army, Somebody 1, Somebody 2,
Anybody! Give me to you,
So that I can become Normal.

I am Nobody alone.
Just a waiting John Doe
For somebody to know
I was never my own.

I wish, I wish it was the case
That we were more alike:
That it wasn't such a hike
To walk the way you pace,

But I'm not. I'm only this.
And if you knew me
For even an eternity,
I'm one no one'll miss.

I'm nobody playing a role.

I have returned all that I borrowed—
the dreams,the heat, the light.
I face a narrow,stark tomorrow,
and welcome the coming night.

I drew a line around my name,
a border with no gate.
Inside,the rules are not the same:
there is no love,no hate.

I wonder—
if you reached out your hand to me,
would it find anything?
Or pass through where I used to be,
a ghost on winter's wing?

My words morph out of place— would you
still entertain the thought of me in the end?

Every star rules its own space,
but the circumstance of a cosmos knots me up,
its circumference bending beyond my grasp.

A smile cracks the mirror—
I cut myself and I bleed from the shards.
Alone in my room, my sighs are heavy
as a tomb buried under the world.

It’s cold, too cold, and I’ve waited for
the heroic ******, that movie moment
where the hero rises—but I’ve climbed my max.

My throat feels split by an axe.
It’s all out of my hands; I tried to leave
it in God’s hands, but faith feels like
hand-me-downs— worn thin, never quite mine.
I light another cigarette, to drag time along with me.

I am not a sad song, just a tune people sing
along to, a chorus written in tears.
Tear me apart, piece me back like armies
lined up only to be shot down.

And when I fall again, I look up,
choking on the silence, and ask,
"Is this really the life I was promised by God?"
But then again, I did this all to myself!

slumber
oh how i wish to paint it golden
let me find peace in nothingness
find the missing amity i'm desperate for

slumber
always weeping without it
please come to me soon
i might go mad, keep me from going lunatic

slumber
i slowly fall into your arms
i trust you more than anything else
don't let me lose my wings when i hold your hand

slumber
you hold me even more tight than before
my bones numb and skin blue 
quite the hostage, isn't it?

slumber
you ripped my wings off and took me under yours
it felt so much better, goodbye sweet joy
i now am dependent on something that worsens me, but i believe it's for the better.

How long, how lost,
how

lonely
is the day?
The sun lies recumbent,
as I do:

languishing in cold storage,
perfectly preserved
in its hollow corner
of sky.

I'm
learning
that we're not unalike.

We burn, with equal intensity
and others, love best
to gaze at us,
from the furthest,
faraway plains.

I seem,
to bring naught,
but discomfort.
Wrapped in pain
like the fading aurora bloom,
of day,

I'm a solar-powered picana

so, please...




avert your eyes.