Before pointing fingers
peer deep inside,
behind your insecurities
is where the truth resides.

The agonizing honesty
that it's easier to blame
than dig deep in your soul.
Find your courage and cast your shame.

You’re surrounded by people
But all of a sudden you feel alone
You feel exposed
Feels like you’re nothing but skin and bone

You try to escape
But you’re trapped and you cant leave no more
Try to break the chains
But they’re stuck on you
And you Cant breathe no more

Try to take a deep breath
But it’s short and abrupt and almost dead
You try to complain
But they say that it’s just all in your head

Try to cry out
But my voice breaks halfway through the scream
I try to move
But im paralyzed it’s like im in a dream

I try to break down
But it’s hard and i cant seem to cry
I know you cant relate
But for gods sake you dont even try

I try to be cool
to smile for the cameras around me now
But the flashing light is blinding
Try to capture a smile but idon’t know how

I try to stay strong
But i feel like the load is just too great
I try to man up
But i just cant bear the heavy weight

I try to be happy
But it feels like everything makes no sense
“ lighten up” “ be grateful”
oh come on LAWM, “ stop being so tense “

I try to love myself
I try so hard to smile at the girl in the mirror
But i steam up the place
Let the fog stop it from getting any clearer

I try to be positive
Try to make the sky clear inside my head
But i cant bring myself to
And reality hits me before i go to bed

I try to stay present
The past just chases after me
Cant cut to the chase
It captures me and drowns me in misery

Try not to regret
Any decision ive made so far
That Ive let myself down
No longer do i shoot for the stars

I try to focus
But all i seem to be doing is getting more angry
At myself and the world
I just sit and stare at my books so blankly

I try to be a good friend
But all i seem to do is focus on my sorrow
Try to be there for her
But what she doesnt know is id give her my strength to borrow

Try to give her my world
Id give her my heart my body my soul
But all i can do
Is selfishly act as dry as coal

I try to be a good daughter
But all i do is make them pay some more
Like i own Their bank accounts
Until they empty to the core

I try to love
But love just seems to break my heart
I trust it give it my all
But it Pushes me around, and tears me apart

I try to help others
But i just cant seem to help myself
I bury myself in my pessimism
And stack up all my  problems in a shelf

I try to remember
Who i once was long ago
But the seeds i once had
i have no more water for them to sow

I try to be me
The person i once was one day
The bravery and confidence
But the love i had for myself’s faded away

I try to go back
To fitting in all the things i once wore
Bigger arms hips, stomach and *******
I grab and beat up until im sore

I try to calm down
But the anger it just wont go away
I try to leave this place
Try to get myself out of here everyday

I try to move on
But moving on is easier said than done
I try to forget
But it all burns me like the heat of the sun

I try to stay still
But i shift and fidget and stumble then fall
I try not to tremble
Fearing that i wont stand up at all

I try to get up
But the weight it just holds me down
I want to be the queen of my heart
But Failure never really came with a crown

I try to Hope
I try to find Him when Im lost
But I pushed Him away
And i know that pushing him away comes at a cost

I try to stay alive
But the thought of death bombards my brain
Try to focus on the good
But when i do, i remember the pain

I don't have the strength to ask you.
Everytime I think I have the power to bring it up I fall back.
I am so afraid of all the what if's. Terrified of the answers you could give.
And I just don't have the strength to ask you.  
They have broken me with this before.
Turned me down or made me feel worthless.
So really, I am afraid I will never have the strength to ask you.
"What do you think of me?"

.
i want to start believing that i am mine
i want to own every bit of myself
all of the parts i deemed ugly,
ungraceful,
meant to please others,
i want to wrap them all
in the softest cotton
and give them a new home,
one i can live in too

Your power is limitless.
It threatens the insecure
exposing what they are not.
They come at you with hatred.

That hostility is theirs
to hold and carry not yours.
To hell with all the haters.
Rise and regain your power.

When I stare at mirrors
My eyes disrobe the lies
And shadows of my mind
Til I'm left with emotions
Creaking on worn floorboards
Stepping into a noose
Kicking the insecurity out
And waiting to find out
If I died
Or was set free