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Today when I tried to write,
Just something about you.
I couldn't and I couldn't.
I felt bad and I felt numb.
I felt empty and I felt sad.

Like an angel's call it felt,
In my head. Calm. Composed.
Trying to keep me away from harm.
From your wicked ways,
And mindless seduction.

I have all this love for you.
Reserved. Unopened.
It is this box. Taped all over.
Destined never to be opened.

Maybe now I should **** myself,
To be free from this monstrosity.
Neglect and abuse delude me.
For a better time I yearn.

Recognition for others but none for me,
All that acting did set you free,
From my hands of control and greed.
But never you knew my heart and soul.
Every time I see your lips,
The way they move when you talk to me,
Those eyes when you look at me,
So intensely. I’m in love. Deeply.

I’m hurt badly, deep down.
The sorrow of a good heart.
Just wanting to be loved,
Just wanting to be yours. Truly.

I want to hold your hand, firmly.
Hold you close to me.
Stare into your bewitching eyes,
Till the end of time.

I want to say “I love you baby.”
But sadly that’s something I just couldn’t.
Cause you weren’t here no more.
Not here to say that you’re mine.
Just when I realised, I’m in love with you.

If I could just go back in time,
To all the times we’ve been together,
I would like to save all our moments,
In a bottle just like Jim Croce.

If I could just see you again,
Kiss you on your cherry lips,
Tell you that I love you,
In your warm embrace.
It’s 5:30 in the morning,
And I’m still thinking about you.
Your lips are all I can think of,
And that look in your eyes.

At times I feel like breaking free,
Pull you close and kiss you.
Hold you in my arms,
Close and never letting go.

Alas ! My complexes won’t give in.  
My insecurities take over, done.

You become unattainable. Suddenly.
Forbidden, like the dreams I’ve had.
I feel crippled and powerless,
Not knowing how to make you like me.
But would you ever even if I tried ?
Yesterday went by like a breeze,
Just like that.
Time flies when we are happy.
To see a person amidst the chaos,
Someone to smile at among the crowd,
Someone who smiles back at you,
Is a feeling you can’t explain. Euphoria.

We skimmed through topics here and there.
Talking without a full stop.
From the moment we met until we parted,
For the first time.

The days after moved slower.
So slow that I can’t take it.
The fast rhythm in your voice haunts me.
The colour of your eyes I can see,
In every reflection of me,
On the windows and in the rain,
And the stone cold pavements I tread.
Last night at around 11:30,
I was sketching a future with you,
In my mind. Colourful.
You make my dreams so vivid.
I dreamt that we kissed,
Under the evening sun,
In a parked car on a lonely road.

Our eyes met,
My hand on your arms.
There was this electricity,
In the air between us.
Bringing us closer every second.

A faint blue glow I felt it,
In your eyes that looked into mine.
The first one too.
If only time could freeze in this moment.
If only I could save it for eternity.

Hues of pink and blue dance on your face.
The way you move, such grace !
I’m intimidated by you. Your stare.
Every time I see your face,
My happiness shoots up a thousand times.
If I die in that moment I’d be smiling.
All in an instant.

I haven’t felt this way before,
Or have I wanted to !
Now all I want is you.
Would you take a leap of faith with me ?
Aravind Shanavaz Nov 2018
The wind blows strong
From outside the door.
It touched my face with
An intense love.
It kept on blowing
Keeping me comfy.

I look inside all around
I see people sitting here and there
And everywhere.
On the seats.
On the floor and over the racks.
Standing, sitting, sleeping and thinking.
All of them thinking at once.
"When will I reach home ?"  

Here I am Standing
beside the coach door
Feeling the wind in my hair
Feeling it in my heart.

Suddenly I see her outside the door
That face glowing with love.
Her lips red, her eyes wide
Floating in the the wind.
Just within my hands reach.

I reach out to her.
Trying to hold her hand.
But alas! She disappears.
Back into my imagination.
Back to her place in my memory.
its all about her.
Aravind Shanavaz Oct 2018
Can I make it work,
If we can see that future ?
There on a park bench,
Just like a cliche. Us.
Hand in hand,
Your head resting on my shoulder.
Such warmth.

I woke up to a screeching noise,
Of the midnight express ,
Coming to a halt. Silence.
I looked to my side hoping to find you.
Resting on my shoulder.
Alas ! You weren’t there anymore.
I look around and it was just a dream.
I felt alone in the midst of people.
Strangers.

Time went by and I’m sleepless.
It haunts me, the memory of you.
That lost dream became a nightmare.

Today I can’t sleep.
The thought of you haunts me,
Day and night.
I try to write it down,
My mistakes and fears.
About my synthetic love affair.
Heart crushing pain .
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