"Shut up."
shutupshutupshutup
I can't stop myself
From repeating those words
He hurts me
So much
But he is so kind.
God, I love him.
Shut up.
Just...
Shut up.

Pain,
The stabbing feeling
That I experience
Day in day out.

Knowing that for
Three years
The issue has been
This the pain is unneeded

To stop the pain
These tablets, Painkillers
Cause more pain
Than they solve

The daily tears
The throbbing
Like a knife
Unexplainable
Unthinkable

A dance career
Wanted
No longer possible
Ended before begun

how can you end sadness

when you don’t know why

it exists

There is a door in each mind
Where things will hide
Beneath every corner and shadow
To protect itself the room fills with toxins

So to protect the human outside this mind
a fictitious character is made
The only thing that can be grasped
is the heart no longer the mind.

Only if she would allow one to understand
Read her schematics, and try to make sense.
That behind those shattered eyes
is a view of the world falling around her.

The scattered pieces tear any man apart
Breathing in the toxic air one can wish
to be unbreakable
to hold her pains inside themselves.

That door in her mind
has never been entered
With a trefoil hanging from the door
as a warning to never enter.

No one will ever return
when that door shuts
Know that the shadows
allow no life inside.

“Sorry I can’t do this anymore.”
“Sorry I don’t want things to be weird.”
“Sorry I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Sorry, you don’t deserve me acting like this.”

If words could heal, my eyes wouldn’t start tearing every time someone asks “are you okay?”

I wouldn’t feel broken every time I hear your name or think about what we had, or didn’t have.

If “sorry” actually made things okay,
then some things wouldn’t be as painful as they are.

Having you say sorry actually makes it worse.

Why are you apologizing? Just don’t,
don’t even bother, please.

No many how many times you say it,
it doesn’t change the fact that
it still hurts.

I am sorry but your apologies don’t make things okay.

I asked myself, how can love hurt this much?
It's like we throw ourselves with our eyes closed.
Except we don't actually throw ourselves, because we have no control.
That's it, love orders us, we don't handle it.
We don't have a choice.
Love may carry us to the heights that take our breath away.
Love may push us to the depths of my heart not saved.