No Valentine
Happy Valentine’s Day,
so fckn cliche,
no Valentine,
no sublime,
no feelings of ecstasy,
no we just me,
alone,
once again,
faced with my own thoughts,
and the deafening sounds of this silent hotel room,
I’m alone,
and I probably deserve it,
this is likely my proper karma,
the emotional toll paid in full all cash no credit,
the piper being paid,
for every heart I’ve ever slayed,
for every good girl I’ve ever played,
for every time I left when she wanted me to stay,
they were good girls,
they didn’t deserve it,
I was a bad boy,
and didn’t even know it,
I guess the only thing worse than breaking a heart,
is not even realizing that you’re the one that broke it,
she loved me,
most of them did,
and I left most of them,
with scars and sorrowed sentiment,
and I apologize in all honesty,
even though heartbreak was never what I intended,
but breaking a heart is breaking a heart,
no matter whether or not the Breaker even ever meant it,
this is what happens when there’s desire,
but for lasting love their’s no incentive,
like a dozen roses ready to go,
with the postage paid but with no place for the sender to send it,
as this sick cycle signals,
it’s time to either heal this or end it,
as these deep wounds burrow,
this can only be described as deserted and desolate,
chocolate,
hearts,
melt,
in the Sunshine of Time,
thoughts,
of her,
felt,
as they frolic through my mind,
no Valentine,
probably won’t have one,
until I’ve paid in full,
for every good girl I ever left,
so I likely have a few more heartbreaks headed my way,
because I’m not yet done paying off this debt,
and I’ll pay,
and I’ll pay,
and I’ll pay,
I’ll pay until there’s nothing left,
and then,
hopefully,
at that point in time,
I will finally find the girl out there that I know somewhere exists,
the one that’s been doing time like me,
the one who’s broke just as many hearts,
the one who too is paying off her relationship karma,
by repeatedly getting her heart broken apart,
even though we know what they say,
you can’t turn a bad girl good,
but once a good girl goes bad she’s gone,
forever,
whatever,
either way she’s out there,
and even though I’ve never met her,
I know I already love her,
that girl that no longer wants to be a player any more,
I don’t want to be a player anymore I just fck a lot,
no Big Pun intended but everything else I meant it,
writing this Love Letter on Valentine’s day with no where to send it.
Anyways I know that ex-player turned good girl exist,
and she feels just like I do in this exact instant,
she’s somewhere alone paying off her debt,
for all the guy’s who’s hearts she broke even though she never meant it,
and now,
she feels like I do like ditto,
tired of playing the field,
just looking for a solo love that can be true like bingo ,
and one day we’ll meet,
and we’ll probably get married but no kiddos,
because 2’s a company but 3’s a crowd,
and that’s one thing that both of us still know,
that’s why I write this out loud with,
the hopes that she’ll find these words right wherever she is,
and she’ll find me somehow from this love letter,
like a message in a bottle sent from an island and found by a ship,
and when we finally meet it will be love at first kiss,
this,
is what I hope for,
no more promiscuous ***,
nope no way no more,
I’m a born again ******,
holding out until I finally meet that Apple of my eye,
and until then,
I’m not dating anyone no way no how nope no Valentine,
because I don’t deserve one,
won’t until I’ve paid off this debt in full,
for every good girl that I’ve ever left,
still hold no regrets even though I’m lonely as Hell,
so I likely have a few more heartbreaks headed my way,
because I’m not yet done paying off this debt,
and I’ll pay,
and I’ll pay,
and I’ll pay,
I’ll pay until there’s nothing left,
until I’m totally spent,
but until that time I’m alone,
once again,
faced with my own thoughts,
and the deafening sounds of this silent hotel room…
∆ Aaron La Lux ∆
Free download of the new book here: www.scribd.com/document/367036005/The-Sydney-Sessions-12-Steps
