If love was tangible what would it be
Do you hear love in the beat of your lover’s heart
Do you see love in the smile of an innocent child
But what good is love if you have it not...if you know it not
You can merely hear it...you can merely see it
But you feel it not
Still we hunger for love
Black or white...day and night
Man or woman...young or old...we all run the race
Searching this whole world...in my world or in yours
We keep searching for love
We search the depths of the ocean
The outer limits of the cosmos
We keep searching
Some say they have found love
But how great is love
How do you measure love...is there a measure to love
And when you’ve reached the end of the road and your journey is complete
You find that you’ve been running at a losing streak
Your chasing race has been in vain
Then you look in the mirror and hear the voice of love say
Are you perhaps looking for me
I have been here inside of you all along
Love begins with you

I have made the night mine,
no longer asking,
"May I accompany you?"
Instead, inquiring
"Would you like to accompany me?"
I have made the forests mine,
no longer requesting
"May I show you this place?"
Instead, fielding
"Will you show me this place?"
I have made the mountains mine,
no longer begging
"When shall we go?"
Instead,
Filling my calendar,
Filling my backpack,
Filling my heart
with what is mine
And going.

I sought out just what I've become

Numb to trepidation, apposed to emotions
I choke on sensations, opening to oceans
Of blood soaked remnants I can't fathom
Begin to comprehend, or otherwise justify
To myself

And It's square on my shoulders

If I like it or not

Sating my lust for life, finding out how
To revel in spite, in spite of myself, honestly
Grating, the thoughts that haunt me through
Sleepless hours and all the mindless rambling I do
To myself

I wanted to change, and I did

I did change

Bought at the current rate
Life condensed to a price
I wanted everyone to pay
Besides me. Never me

I thought it free, until someone came around with
The promise that they'd take it all away

Breaking ground, like the words I said
What I say in my day to day
Breaking ground, foray into something
I'd call a grave mistake

Try to justify it, screaming at the sky
Trying hard to hide what I swear I left behind
Blame it on society. A scapegoat that never falters
Hurdles that I prayed would change, and yet
They never falter
So, I blame it on you, and then you blame it on me

I blame it on myself

...

I blame myself.

What it always comes down to

And I turned into what I had always planned to turn into
Go figure.

Woke up
cuddling a bottle
it was no longer subtle

My love for this potation
has become an addiction
and no longer a mental transition

Body shaking
asking for more
sobriety scared me
it might be a bore  

Woke up
cuddling a bottle
.... no more
"at least I'll remember
this one" she says

Written this morning, I had an inkling that the title sounded familiar, so I looked it up (bless the computer) and lo! there is was - a poem, not at all the same, written in 1998, twenty years ago, even published under the misprinted title Pushed Around by Fat.  Anyway, here they are:  Pushed Around By Fate#1 &
#2.
      Pushed Around By Fate #2

Maybe.
Maybe it is not like how I think.
Maybe it is all just for the time being.
Maybe it is what I am meant for.
Maybe it is what I am destined to be.
Maybe it is all just in my head.
Maybe it is all unreal.
Maybe there's something more to it.
Maybe this is not the end.
Maybe there's still hope at the other side.
Maybe this is all just the beginning.
Maybe.
Maybe.
I wish maybe.

If you ever hear me
Know I'm here for a reason
That everyrhing is okay
And that as long as you
Believe
It will be