I'm sorry I'm so difficult to love.

I'm sorry you can't love me with one hand.
One holding my hand and the other on your phone with an ambulance on speed dial. I'm sorry I have the impulse to hide myself whenever I'm with you. It's not that I dont want people to see you with me but more of I dont want people to see me with you  because you're amazing and I'm ****** up and you're way up there and I'm down here and you're beautiful and I look like a foot and you're smart and I'm dumb as a ******* ******* rock and I know you keep telling me I'm not but I cant I cant I cant I just cant ******* fathom why'd you'd love me and why you cant ******* see that I'm a just an early monday morning, a long walk home when you're tired, a bad hang over, a test you didnt study for. I'm just something you have to get through. I'm sorry you have to go through me. I hope you feel better when it's done.

Freshly ******
lying on the green

In the garden
you took the feather
out from your hair
and handed it to me

To play it on your soft skin
as I moved it over your body
with your back arched
and eyes closed

goose bumps

We both knew we weren’t finished

Make love to me again
once more
**** me

Do unto others
As they have ****** you

I’m tired of trying

There have been too many tears

All these nights that I’ve been crying

The burns on my arms

I’m terrible at hiding

But no one cares

So I don’t have to keep fighting

My parents don’t know

The pain I’m still going through

I’m “as happy as can be”

Who knew

There are cuts on my stomach

My hips

My legs

I don’t tell anyone

About this pain in my head

No one knows

About my long-term sedative

I’m getting better

Except for the fact

That I don’t want to live

I feel so ashamed

Because I’ve tried so hard

To fight for you

But it’s hard

And I’m still scarred

But I want you to be proud

Of this smile that’s been misplaced

Not of the make-up running down my face

Not of the blood that seeps through my skin

I’m “getting better”

Though I’m dying within

I’m ready to go

My thoughts always win

I’ve lost everything

Though I had nothing

To begin

With

My open eyes

Every night

I still cry

In the bathroom at school

My shoelace

******* high

Just a loop around my neck

Just a jump away

I’m ready to go

And my body will sway

Back and forth against the door

I just know you’ll be okay

Without me you’re safer

When I’m gone it’ll brighten your day

I’m sorry I made you go away

I’m sorry I made you feel that way

I hope my tears will brush the pain away

I’ll be gone soon

So say

“Hooray!”

I won’t bother you

Another day.

I've noticed
a tingling sensation
a slight blur of vision
and a simplistic way of
looking at things.

I've come to terms
with the fact that a glass of wine
a day keeps the monsters away
and a few more will send them
running.

So buy me a bottle
of your cheapest Pinot Grigio
then ask me about my problems
and I'll gladly spill them out for you.