Bling
Bling
...
Bling

The bombardment of messages was deafening
Every new message pounded at my head
As I wore a pillow over my head, protecting

Bling

My eyes closed shut as my body shook
Rage started to brew, but
I knew better than to look
At the betraying notifications, this much was true

Bling

Overwhelmed,
desperate,
frustrated,
disappointed­

Bling

"Patterns seemingly can't be broken"
Were some of the last thoughts on my brain
As I fell into a deep sleep in a sea of tears

Bling

Why is it always trash night?
Just another small thing I fight
Like tailpipes on the highway
And timelines that go sideways...
It's the trivial things that eat me up
Nibble by nibble, right through my gut
Don't sweat the small stuff?
****, that sounds nice
But what if the small stuff
Is your entire ******* life.

“How do you feel?” I ask again. I, knowing the answer, poke my head into the lion's den. I feel the ghost of your frustrations floating about in the confined space. It haunts the room as our shadows strangle each other.

“What is the opposite of homesick?“ You ask.

“Homesick, ” I answer.

They clap our backs, nod their heads
Look down and distant smile
When we tug at their t-shirts
And ask to be heard

Their gazes wander, and block their ears
Sneak a look at the television
They sit us down, telling us to talk
And in between, stand up when their phones ring

They tell us that you will do great things some day
That the world rests upon your hands
You will climb to the top and pull each other up
But keep pushing us down instead

They tell us that you are the future
And dive out of our thoughts
They think it is an excuse
For sizing us up, and declaring us not enough

Not yet, they say. Not now, they murmur
Have you ever thought that
We don't want to be the future
Because we need to be the present?

That we don't want to lead the world
But instead, just live in it?

That before we want to do things that are great
We just want to live in a world that is?

I can't tell if the stinging in my eyes
Is from my tears
Or from keeping my eyes
Open in the rain
Too long.
Both end up blurring my vision anyway.
I don't mind though.
Because if there is a God,
And he's up there,
Then at least I know
He's as frustrated as I am.
And he deserves to be.

I flew above the horizon
Soar high with the eagles
Flew up high to cross the great sea
With my magnificent wings

I joined the clouds on the skies
I flapped and flapped tirelessly
To reach the paradise
On which I can almost see.

The eagles gracefully flew over the mighty mountain
They reached the other side
They have entered their destination
A beautiful paradise.

It is my turn to ascend like them
I charged, pushed myself higher
But I lost my grace, I hit a tree
I fell down to the dirt

I tried to rise from the ground but I can't
Tried all my might but my wings are broken
I can no longer fly
I can no longer land on paradise.