Beautiful fire, how easy it is to ***** you out of existence...it makes me jealous. If I could disappear in silent smoke and forever remain absent, I'll burn ever more brightly with pain, then...*****.

Life's not gonna wait for you.
So tell me, what are you waiting for?
If you want to chase your dreams,
Pick yourself up off the floor.
The frustration and fear bringing tears to your eyes
Will give you the strength to get what you want.
Just keep your eyes on the prize.
We've all got things we want to do
But let our heads fill with doubt
The trick is to listen to your heart and drown all the other voices out.
What you do with your time is something only you can choose.
But even if you fall, tell me what you have to lose.

Every day, I get out of bed
And wait for work so I can stay out of my head.
For 8 to 9 hours a day, I talk to people I barely know.
but it's a big relief because I'm not the star of the show.
When you live life on the autism spectrum, the mind can be a scary place.
You question every decision you make, and just talking to people can make your heart race.
It can make you feel alone. Frustrated. Sad.
But it's not all bad.
People on the spectrum see the world in a way most could never understand.
It's beautiful. And we want you to experience it. That's why we reach out for your hand.
We want to connect.
But it takes a while to learn how.
If you can be patient, when we're ready, we'll show you the world in a different way. I promise it will make you say "wow."

When I feel low, cold as ice
I think of you, and I'm hot as hell.
And when I get frustrated,
When nothing makes sense,
I talk to you, and my mind
Is as clear as a bell.
Thank you for making me
See things in a different light.
Thank you for making me feel
Like someday, everything really
Will be alright.

Everything has been said before a million times
Everyone has thought of the same phrases with countless rhymes
I’m sick of feeling more than I can say, systematically forced to lock pointless words away
With every waking moment I must focus and strain to find a word or two I haven’t used in vain, just to put it here, or maybe there, so you can hear that I’ve been there
My tongue has lost its meaning by the death of my bloodline
Symbols carved on stone had more life than the ones written on mine
I’m sick and tired of trying to weave my way around something so blandly perfect
Something so generic and true
‘I love you’ should be enough
I should not have to tell you how soft the clouds in your eyes are, how sharp that gaze of yours can be
I should not have to ask you to blink every so often, so I am sure you are not a mirage
‘I hate you’ should be enough
I should not have to illuminate the ferocity you unlock in me
I should not have to show you how primal the urge to cave your head in is
I miss the feeling words gave my people before me, even if I’ve never heard it for myself, I can only wish my thoughts came to speech as easily as air comes to my lungs

I see now why God had struck Babylon,
And I wish he’d do it again.

It was a match dropped into an oil field
And so these flames depicted the hellfire that reigned inside of me.
A pure rage
Unbridled and ever growing
What volatile emotions unleashed while their warden was away.
A jailbreak of hatred enticed with frustration and fueled by confusion
A soul that once new peace
A heart that bloomed love
Now fields of brimstone wishing harm to those who destroyed the garden
Oath breakers, eyes void of soul. Liars the lot of them cast together with no sense of right or wrong
Yet wielding a hammer of “justice”
There is no balance to these scales
No punishment befitting this imaginary crime.
I pray you all be destroyed, in worse ways than you destroy those around you.
My hearts misses who I was.
My soul has forgotten peace.
And my mind is ever burning with the devils blue flames.
-Mr. Vaun Niklaus Morningstar.

They say I'm perfect.
They say they wish they were me.
I scoff in their face.

They don't know my life.
They haven't traversed my mind
or searched through my thoughts.

They know nothing of
what it is like to be me.
They don't get to say

That I am perfect
Any more than I can say
I know their life story.

Rows of angry red
eyes stretch endlessly onward.
Morning “rush hour”.

Nobody,
No, nobody,
Nobody, nobody, nobody. ...
Ever, ever,  ever, loves me,
Frustrated, tears swelling in my eyes I cried out.
I do, I do, I do,........
Yes! Yes! Yes! I truly do.....
I heard a sweet, firm voice from the doorway,
I do, I do, I do, I really love you,
I love you more, and more, and more everyday mum!
Exclaimed my four year old son,
running towards me,
Hugging me tightly,
Draining all bitterness within me.
10/11/2019
...

you know I’m complicated
always made you frustrated
you never got wasted
instead love is what you gifted