I keep fighting
                     shouting at the fog to

                                GO AWAY

but it doesn't hear me.  
and it doesn't care.  

                         So it sits
                                 on my heart
                                           in silence.

3 a.m. has found me again.

I wake, startled, for the fourth time this week, the nightmare played out behind my eyes already fading from my mind. I can still feel its presence, like fog it lingers.

I have fist fulls of sheets as I lie on my back, my eyes closed. I focus all of my energy on catching my breath. I am an anchor in my dark sea of thoughts, unable to move.
Sinking, sinking...  I am drowning.

Then my husband stirs next to me.

I look at him to my left, his back towards me, fixated by his messy brown hair. I feel my heartbeat slow, my mind calm. Suddenly he is all I can see.

After a moment of hesitation, I turn towards him and reach around and touch my cold hand against his stomach. In his sleepy state, he grabs my hand and moves closer to me.

I feel the fog begin to subside, overcome by the light that is sleeping next to me. I can breathe again.

I see this small image of me

in my mind’s eye.

In a world filled with black fog,

there in the center stands someone.

Who feels like

my life personified.

I feel I am copy of whoever

stands in that darkness.

I feel I only exist there.

I feel I am the darkness.

In London-
a hollowed out city-
the fog
is returning-creeping
back-

A poisonous invisible/white
sheet
salivating over
supine cars, insinuating
its baptismal
seed
into open mouths-
sinking into gutters
emerging undigested
from empty drains.

it crawls around the Shard
clutches
each ancient bridge
yellowing
in its pilgrimage  

it has returned-
IT
The Thing-
ghastly
in its plans.

A resurrection
that requires no death!

It's all smoke, fog and haze,
Vague thoughts of distant days,
Better to always look forward, say,
"Make the most of this day!"

Moonlight shines upon the lake
Darkest black and cold it's waters
Silver ripples running, flowing
Slowly, gleaming through the night
Here the fog is breathing poison
Unnoticed it transforms whoever
Dared to come a few steps closer
Enticed by bewitching sight

Morning will make magic vanish
In the deep it hides and waits for
One that here belongs from now on
That runs far but can't escape
Nothing else will bring him solace
Warmth of sun will burn his skin
All he hears is genlte whisper
Of the silver painted waves

Resonating haunting rhythms
Overflow heart with strange longing
That one day will surely bring him
Will return him, to stay there
By serenity enveloped
All fades into swirling darkness
As the waters close above him
Leaving shattered moonlight trail

My dreams are more vivid now
I'm out of the fog
I have a schedule, a routine, a home
Yet somehow I still can't sleep
I stay up too late
Just thinking, being, processing myself
Eternally exhausted
Permanent gray weights sit underneath my eyes, pulling them down towards the inferno
I feel pretty though, I get attention
I feel light most days
Until night comes
I slip, I fall, I carry this weight until I'm alone
And it all comes crashing down
In the fog of night.