The world tells you to be happy
that you should be happy
you've said all the right jokes
made people smile
made them laugh
played the role well
you have good friends
and even a good family
and they all say they love you
and usually that's enough

But in the end
the lights will be turned off
the part over
and the crowd gone
then you find yourself
taking that long road
back to where you don't want to be
back to being alone

When you get there you'll find
that joy was merely in the moment
that happiness was not yours
you never owned it
and if you lean on it
trust it to get you through
you'll fall farther than before
farther than you knew possible
because all those people can say they love you
but it doesn't mean you do

Nicodemus is a mate of mine
Known as Nick to his friends
He’s always on his laptop
But you know it can depend

On whether he's got wifi
Or maybe just 5 G
On some nights he's got neither
That’s when he goes to see

That Jesus, the new teacher
Who’s wiser than the rest
They have these late night sit-downs
When he gets stuff off his chest

Like why he needs to start from scratch
Why be born anew
When he’s spent a life-long lifetime
Learning what's truly true

But all his wifi’d searches
All his 5 G chat
Can’t teach Nick what’s important
More than just the facts

More than what he’s learned from books
More than simple knowledge
More like child meets Father
Not student at a college

So now Nick don’t need wifi
He’s fine without 5 G
Cos he’s found what’s more important
And spends nights on his knees

I'm the blonde black sheep
In a family of five
And the secrets I keep
Are what's kept us alive

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, just an old a family memory on a dinner table--sorry no rhymes :>


to the no one who is not recognizing......
when I stopped for a long stare for me

I stopped and looked around me searching for something that
I don't know stashed deep into the picture I view

I smiled for the happiness that invades those hearts
for the gratitude that my soul is permeated
I crowned the thrones of blood in pure joy
I stole the sounds of laughter

I screened that shot that is bottled into the core of my memories that shot the reason I am on ground in this life
the reason that I believe in the reason that I hang on to the reason

that I long on my stormy nights and deprived alones
I locked them on that table of love and warm clouds attached
when I stopped for a long stare for me

                                                             ­                              ------ravenfeels

she tries to love me the best she can,
but its never enough

everyone says i look sad in pictures,
even when i'm smiling
i think its because my inner child is showing

you'll try to love me the best you can,
but it won't be enough

ME: I’ve called you all here today to ask you something.
BROTHER 1: [looking sideways at the door]
BROTHER 2: Hmm.
MOM: [smiling widely in that way that says she knows]
DAD: [smiling widely in that way that says he doesn’t]
ME: To be frank, I don’t think you all like each other very much. Is that true?
MOM: [smile gets tighter, hand reaches towards phone]
DAD: No, it’s not. [scratching side of head nervously]
BROTHER 2: Hmm.
BROTHER 1: You all bore me.
ME: We know we do.
MOM: [typing furiously]
[silence punctuated by dog licking his leg]
ME: So, now what?
BROTHER 1: [rolling eyes slowly and obviously] What do you mean, now what?
ME: Well, I mean where do we go from here?
MOM: We don’t. We just stay here or nothing at all.
BROTHER 2: Hmm.
DAD: What else can we do? How do we know doing anything at all would be better?
ME: I am tired of writing poems in my head about us. We have to do something.
[silence punctuated by dog coughing]
BROTHER 1: ******* and your poems. Do you want to hang out?
MOM: I love you all but I can’t stand any of you.
BROTHER 2: Can we be done now?
ME: We’ll never be done.
ALL: We’ll never be done.
[dog sneezes]

For so long I was upset about it,
As of a few days ago no more existence,
I feel no ways about it,
For so long I felt it inside,
But I didn't wanna believe it,
Now I see it was true all along.

Sometimes we can't help but try to see the good,
But in the end we see their was never any good,
Don't hide from the truth but face it,
Hiding behind those lies only prolong the pain,
I know it's hard to face but it's necessary to face,
That pain never goes away,
It only gets easier to cope with.

I no longer feel anything in my heart,
Losing everything does that to you,
I have nothing to lose or live for,
Some would say different,
But they don't even know my pain,
Nobody can relate or feel what I've felt,
In this cold world I feel like I'm all by myself.

Them thoughts get darker than you can imagine,
Sometimes I just wanna escape it,
But I don't have the courage to make that choice,
Many think it's easy to do it but it's really not,
We all have our own reasons for doing what we do,
They think they know but they really don't.

They be like "talk to me" but what's the point,
You can't help me with this pain I'm feeling,
Only god can provide me with the healing,
In the room staring at the ceiling,
Some days I don't know how I'm feeling,
This depression gets the best of me,
I don't know rather I'm coming or going.

It's the pilot light in the stove,
                                    the fireplace.  It’s the
night light in the bathroom,
                        the living room.  The
reflection in the mirror,
                  in the glass of my windshield.  The
      hum of electricity,
the sigh of the furnace.  

What do you mean I’m supposed to go looking for something that is constant?

The conjoined twin does not go looking for its sibling.
                 The brain does not search for the heart.  
The shadow always finds the body.  Gravity invariably
                                                    pulls the moon into orbit.  

The smoldering ache of loss
                  —hot like bubbling magma, bright like a solar flare—
                                                   is always there.  
Lurking beneath the skin.  The face behind the mask.  
                 Gnarled roots beneath the forest.

What do you mean I’m supposed to look for something that is a part of me?
Assimilated to my sense of normalcy.  Integrated into my DNA.
I can only do so much introspection before I go insane.