A stake through my heart <3
What would it feel like.
THE HEART
That beated for you,will suddenly stop.
These eyes, that always longed to see you will close forever.
These ears, that always craved to hear your voice, will never listen anything from you again.
These lips, that always wanted to talk to you will be silent till eternity.
My body that always wished for your hug, will turn cold forever.
"JUST A STAKE THROUGH MY HEART"

#14

She hung by a thread to her sanity
Constantly staring in the mirror she realized her vanity
But if what they call her is "vain"
Then there must be more than one definition to that name
Because her sense of self is "skewed" and "inaccurate"
But to her it's all she knows and she's quite aspirant
Ready for change and to be a new version of herself
Hardly caring about her deteriorating health
Walking into the health club already exhausted
Not understanding how much it has costed
Not with money or credit but with physical wellbeing
Not heeding her body's warnings or in the mirror seeing
Her hair is thin and no longer growing in places
She compares her pale skin to the other people's faces
She puts ******* down her throat in the hope to purge up a candy bar
Convinced her calorie count was taken too far
Her nails chip far too easy
And the thought of eating makes her queezy
Yet the stress encompassing her life pushes her to binge
Hundreds into thousands the floodgates unhinge
Never for sustenance, always for taste
Each and every calorie is a ginormous waste
She collapsed on the Stairmill and in embarrassment and rage
Exited the gym floor as though it were left-center stage
With poise and a smile she laughed as they stared
She grabbed all her gear and left as they glared
When she got to the car she was nothing but angry
Pushing too hard her body sat blankly
Breathing was difficult and by speaking she was pained
Every ounce of her life force felt utterly drained
Her skin can no longer take the lack of nutrition
And her eyes are wavering as she tries to focus her vision
She used to be a student with straight A intent
But all she can think about is the next meal and its scent
Forgetting the most basic things about her day
She forgets how to write and takes a derivative the wrong way
People look puzzled as she waves off their concerns
While in her stomach and throat a deep hunger burns
She stares once again at her monstrous reflection
Grabbing and poking at her bulging midsection
Now huddled on the ground she stares at the ceiling
Entering a loose dreamy feeling
On the brink of unconsciousness she extends her hand skyward
Only then realizing that down to her soul she is tired

i'm tired of it.
tired of never-ending rainstorms
and oceans promising hydration
when all i get is salt rubbing against my organs
like sandpaper.
tired of lightning striking twice
and landing me in the same situation i'm always in.
tired of preaching about self love and then always hating myself
no matter what,
for going back to the same people,
going back to the same bad habits,
never truly healing.
tired of stressing about stress so much that
my eye starts twitching and
all i want to do is sleep.
tired of having no motivation,
no interests,
sometimes walking through the day in a haze
while other times i can't stop the waterfall of tears.
tired of believing people when they say it'll get better,
believing people when they say they'll be there.
save it for someone else,
i couldn't believe it even if you
meant it anyways.

exhaustion
bone-deep
i can't fight it
it pulls at my lungs
constantly,
trying and trying
to make me succumb.

i know it's right.
i do not sleep enough
but i don't remember
what it feels like
to be fully awake-
a time when fatigue did not weigh me down,
lost in my childhood amnesia.

exhaustion
my conscious mind
drifting gently like
a sandstorm in an hourglass.
i am not strong enough.
it forces my body
to submit
to the weight of my
tired eyelids.

exhaustion is the constant of my current existence
will i ever sleep long enough
to be free of it's power?

I am so tired
maybe of life
maybe from lack of sleep
I really can't tell
but **** am I tired

Every moment
every night
every shining moment of light
I am so...
tired

There I am.


I walk on a razor’s edge with added violence.
One foot in the past, one foot in the wrong
And all is gone.


You want my soul to sell, but I regret these words are mine.
I give away the thought of it all.
If only you had to see your world through my eyes.
I have no strength left to fight, or climb the walls.


I cannot reap an empty field,
Where my tears of fire have salted the earth.
If I allow you into my heart, I will only decay;
For what it’s worth.


Inside a nightmare is where I have to live;
Visions all shrouded in mystery.
The hysterical cannot think of peace.
The path forwards is always through,
So come with me.


Seize destiny, if you care.
In the pit of despair, I gasp for air.
You are never truly there with me, so you cannot understand.
You only care, because I seem not to.
One of us is better at this;
You are all a better man.
I am nobody’s truth.


Rise above it; accept you cannot truly see,
The whisper’s that swim around inside of me,
From the pit of my burning stomach,
To the very edges of my finger-tips.


They gather in waiting, until one day they come bursting through.
They destroy all ideals, as I speak about me, not you.
I cannot live with such apathy.  I will never feel the same.
I love you now, but on a shattered bad day,
I will never to be seen again.


The person I was became invisible, never to be seen on your wave.
I become another person, with each and every face.
Life cells grow back to replace the old.
The only continue is my soul.  It’s all I own and all that I know;
But what do I know?
I am lost without your hope.


Lust is a word, like love;
These feelings come and then they go…
I stare into a hall of mirrors,
Wondering which one is the real me.  I don’t know,
Or care which one is true-self.
I guess I will never know.

(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

On my knees.


I have lived a lonely life with no-one beside me.
I keep on climbing mountains, but nobody can see.
The person I hide inside, he holds me back,
From the demons; my own.  Riding the rails, one way, sad.


I have told the same old story a million times before.
I’ve fallen to my knees a million times or more,
But still I rise up to take another punch.
They never knock me out, but I have had enough.


I think I want to go, but this is where I am.
I am just a loser losing all the love I will ever have.
The love that no-one sees,
The words of poetry,
The hidden pieces of me,
Will never be seen.


Nobody gets close enough to let them in.
Nobody cares enough to notice the one they all call him.
I’m just a face upon a carton or telegraph pole.
I’m missing a woman to love and to hold.


I keep on struggling and doubling up in pain.
I keep on worrying and wondering, will it always be this way?
When will it all just go away?
When is my brighter day?


Words unanswered only leave me on my knees again.
I say a prayer, I wish for her, but she has not been written yet.
I cut my hair, become a word,
So she can say the thoughts inside her head.


Still unknown,
Still she has never shown the slightest interest.
She has never shown me that she cares,
But I still believe she is out there, whilst I remain hopeless.


I stare into the deep,
Continually wiping away the tears I weep.
She holds my key, but I am so weak.


I’m fading out,
So full of doubt.
I only want to live again,
But here and now I am without.


This, I think, is how it is going to be.
If only she could find her way to loving me.
If only.
If she did, I would be found;
I would be lifted up from the down.


Red Bull gives you wings;
She wants the *****,
How I need her.
I’m tea-totally weak.
Too quick to pass,
Upon this chance of romance.

I am on my knees.  Find me…


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

sleep tugs at heavy limbs.
sleep tugs at heavy eyes.
sleep tugs at heavy minds.
sleep tugs at heavy hearts.
sleep calls, and you answer.