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Illya Oz Jun 2018
When something is so hot that is makes you realise how cold you are...
Illya Oz Jun 2018
Sometimes meanings just get lost in translation,
Whether it's from Japanese to English,
Or simply from my thoughts to my words.
Illya Oz Jun 2018
I can feel someone's hands inside my abdomen,
Holding all my vital organs in those hands,
And squeezing till I feel like I might burst.
They have their hands around my throat,
So that I can't speak, can't move, can't breathe.
Until there is no way I could ever escape from them.
Anxiety isn't just mental, it becomes such a strong physical feeling that sometimes I don't even realise I'm anxious until I feel the  tightness in my stomach or the blockage in my throat.
Illya Oz Jun 2018
And if my lungs continue to suffocate me,
I will let it over take me.
I will just close my eyes,
And maybe someone will hear me say goodbye.
Illya Oz May 2018
The crunching sound of glass under the sole of my shoe.
The gentle bend as the metal frames twisted unrecognisably.
Fragments littering the cement around me.
For what purpose did I need them.

Walking away.
Dread and edrenaline mix together.
Jumping at my own shadow.
Yet no longer having to look at the world.

No longer having to see it.
But still stuck inside it.
Standing behind the retina.
Behind the same distorted lenses.

I actually purposefully stepped on my glasses once. It was one of the worst days of my life, that I almost never talk about. I was depressed anxious and desperate to escape my life so without any thought or planning I ran out my house. Somewhere along the way my brain through it would be a brilliant idea of crush my glasses to pieces. Lets just say that by the end of that night i ended up in the hospital and i learnt what shame truly is.
*note - Myopia is the technical name for being short sighted*
Illya Oz May 2018
And let flowers grow from the pages,
As though they are each a new life.
A story full of characters,
A garden full of lives.
Illya Oz May 2018
You belong with the stars in the sky,
But I wouldn't really want that,
Because then we would have to say goodbye.

So you'll just have to say on the ground with me,
And all we can do is think about,
The wonderful star you could be.

You would fill space with an amazing hue,
The colour of your eyes,
That Celeste Velato blue.

You would brighen the sky around you,
And when darkness would try take over,
I know you would always push through.

You would have a gravity so strong,
You would pull everyone towards you,
In a way that could never be wrong.

Your hydrogen and helium and nuclear fusion,
You would burn so hot,
Though it would be no illusion.

You would have a heart bigger then the sun,
So caring and so wise,
And loved by everyone.

You were meant to be a star,
So don't you ever forget,
Because to me you already are.
I wrote this for one of my amazing friends on their birthday.
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