People have led me to believe that I am not good enough
They don’t think of the consequences of what they say anymore
I cry behind closed doors wondering what I did wrong to be the way I am

where he closes a door he opens a window
or so i am told
for every door closes, slams shut behind me
and turns into a wall

every wall solid, brick, concrete
impenetrable and grey
no cracks, nowhere to slip through and escape
i run my hands along the walls, feeling for a flaw
i find nothing but scraped palms

i hear voices on the other side
i hear people talking, praying

every voice muffled, muted, hushed
indistinguishable and grey
no words, nothing to slip through and help me understand
i scream and scratch against the walls hoping to be heard
i find nothing but raw psalms

i feel around for anything
a hammer, a chisel, a light switch
something to save me

but all i find are things i've thrown
plates, pillows, a shattered phone

the walls are closing in around me
they think i don't know that they're moving in each night
but i taste the closeness of the air each morning
and i know i don't have much time left

i don't have much time left

I change so often,
I hardly know what I truly am.  
One minute I’m a grand mansion on a hill,
Overlooking everyone and everything with
An air of pompous superiority, taking
Everything for granted and appreciating nothing.
The next minute I’m a humble cottage in the woods,
Allowing animals and wanderers to frolic in my midst,
Even welcoming them into my home.
I can also take a form of a modern lakehouse,
Feeling rushed and unused and fake,
Trying to stay with the times,
But never being fully enjoyed.  
From time to time, I’m a
Makeshift shelter that the homeless traveler
Builds in a hurry, that feels unwanted,
Unloved, and temporary, liable to fall at any second.  
Even though I change forms frequently,
No one questions it.  
No one bothers to try and get to know
The true me.  Maybe the real me is a
Cozy family home, comforting and familiar,
Or maybe it’s the slightly cramped apartment space,
Frantically trying to piece itself together.  
No one will ever know.  
Yet all they would have to do is
Just knock.

Profrality: the act of being profound in reality.
Karmellight ♦I just like the way it looks ♦
Parallel always there
Monster
CRAWLING in now
Jack o lantern
Laughing clown
Whoops too triggered
Back up
To dafodilles
No they're bad too
Go to pink pink horizons
Sleep
Now sleep
I'm the garden
You always weep
Now dream
Of peace
Breathe in fragrance
Of a different bread
One two three
Repeat.

I travel from room to room
Searching through the Saturday rush,
the Downtown Bars.

A beautiful brunette, with a twinkle
In her eyes, held me, just a gaze,
Gentle, understanding, knowing.

It was all swell, we rejoiced,
In sugar words, with silver tongues
Though, now she's lost in the crowd.

My journey through sweat, lust and *****,
Takes me here and there
Places of eerie recollections, an ominous familiarity.

Some far different from the rest,
All the while feeling like home, but rotten
This is a dream, or a nightmare.

These are not doors, I walk within the past.
Searching for a girl, not wanting to be found.
So I lay her to rest, closing the door behind me.

I wonder what it takes to go full circle
and find my way back home to You?
Although I might be as slow as a turtle
Your love will guide me when I am true.

I’ll finish up then as I began being a child of Yours
having knocked on so many of life’s secret doors.
But even though I have yet to find all the right answers
at this stage of my life there have been some advances.

My feelings towards You now seem to have changed
but this shouldn’t be a reason for us to feel estranged.
Love’s the universal magnet that draws everything close together
we shouldn’t mind too much if we pass through stormy weather.

In a world of constant change there are many upheavals
but love often does get stronger when there’s a retrieval.
It’s something of a realisation by which we come to know
that as love completes a full circle perfection it will show.

How long will it take to go full circle
to find my way back home with You?
It seems I'm just as slow as a turtle
But is Love guiding me and am I true?
_______

If I pop this little pill I'll be able to get all my work done. Am I opening a door? One I cannot close? Walk with me as we venture through this together.