It still stings when i think of your hand slamming against my cheek
The first time you laid a finger upon me
I was only young at the time, too naive to understand
Little did i know, it wouldn't be the last time you harmed me.
You see the alcohol and the drugs
Were only temporary distractions
Long enough to keep me numb so i couldn't
Feel anything for a little while.

But sadly,
The more liquor i chugged back and the more
Smoke i inhaled into my lungs,
Praying that maybe this next hit would affect me,
That no matter what pills i took or what drugs i smoked
I could never get rid of the feeling of your piercing glare from that night
As you undressed me with your eyes like i was some kind of meat
While you sat waiting for your next meal which laid between my legs

It still burns when I think of your hand wrapped tightly around my neck
As i prayed you would finally end it all for me
That maybe if i ****** you off enough now that you would go ahead and do it
That maybe you would be framed for what you have always been doing
See you killed me long ago
Buried me 6 ft in the ground with any shred of dignity i still possessed
When you found me at 15 alone and afraid you pried upon that
Became my protector until i later realised it was you i should be fearing.

If what we had was real, why does it feel so wrong?

You never noticed me, until I decided to play along.

But then you got too rough, I had to push you away.

But my heart you had took, now I'm doomed to stay.

Everyone around me wanted you, but you chose me.

Now I'm asking myself what did you see...in me?

Looking back, I wasn't interesting, not in the least.

But I guess I had to intrigue your interests at least.

But you pulled me into depression.

With your streaks of aggression.

But I didn't learn my lesson.

Now im covered in suppression.

Anything I say, and anything I do.

Could be the end of me...

but not the end of you.

If what we had was real, why does it feel so wrong?

You never noticed me, until I decided to play along.

But then you got too rough, I had to push you away.

But my heart you had took, now I'm doomed to stay.

Gusto ko ng panibagong balat.
Iyong maputi at makinis.
Mala porselana,
Na halos kuminang tuwing masisinagan ng araw.
Kabisado ko ang bilang ng araw,
Na ginugugol sa ilalim ng araw kakabanat.

Ngunit,
Ang panibagong balat,
Hindi nito ako kayang protektahan, alam ko.
Lilimitahan lamang nito ang mga nalalaman ko.
Ngunit,
Sa panibagong balat, nais ko magsimula.
Kilalanin at kalimutan ng halos magkasabay,
Ang imahe ng nakakadiri kong balat.

Bilang ang peklat.
Sukat ko kung gaano kalalim ito,
Noong sugat pa lamang.
Kaya ko gusto ng bagong balat para pagtakpan ito.
Baka sakaling iwasto ng bago kong balat,
Ang mga naimali ko.

Makikilala kaya ako ng ibang tao,
Sa bagong balat na suot ko?

Marahil hindi,
sana hindi,
panigurado hindi.

Nais kong magtago,
Sa paraan kung paano ako lulutang ng hubo't hubad.
Nang hindi ko na itatakip,
Ang aking palad sa aking dibdib,
Dahon sa ibaba ng puson.

Isisigaw ko ang salitang "PUTA!" ng napakalakas,
Halos magsisilabas
Ang mga putang mismong makakarinig,
At yayakapin ko sila.

Dahil bago ang balat ko, ito'y mainit.
Kumpara sa nahamugan kong balat kagabi.
Malinis,
Kumpara sa balat kong may dampi ng mabahong laway.
Mabango,
Kumpara sa mumurahing aficionado na nahaluan
Ng pawis ni Ricardo kagabi.

Bagong balat.
Ibebenta ko ang luma kong balat,
Sa gabing ito.
Bilhin mo ang aking balat.

May panibago bukas,
Pag-asa, hamon,
Mantikilya sa loob ng pandesal.

Gamit ang luma kong balat,
Makakabili pa ba ako ng bago?

Magkaiba ang bagong uri sa bagong palit.
Ang balat ko, nalaspag na.
Tulad ng puti kong damit,
Hindi na ito puti.

Marumi ang titig ko.
Marumihin ang aking naisuot.
Ang balat ko ay puno ng mantsa,
Ngunit bago ang aking suot ngayon, bagamat,
Iisa parin ng uri.

Balat na nakalaan para ulitin ang pagrumi at
Yurak sa puti kong suot.
Bagong balat, kulay puti.
Wala na akong maisuot.

Hubad na ang aking puri.
Hindi ko masuot ang salapi.
Magkano pera mo? Tara?
Nais mo bang makita ang aking balat?

I see you crying there again.
To yourself in the corner.
With no friends here for you.
I tried to walk up and introduce my name.
But you brushed me away,
trying to hide.
All your mysteries.
Why the secrecy?
I must know exactly whats going on.

I never thought I would have caught your attention!
The way your eyes had met mine.
I want you to know Im here.
I want you to know I'll be there.
Even if you try to hide.
All your mysteries.
Why the secrecy?
I must know exactly what's going on.
Who hurt You?
Why does friendliness frighten you?
who hurt you?
Why open up then close me out.
Who hurt You?
Im not trying to complicate anything.
Who hurt You?
Please just let me give you some tenderness.

"I made a product for men"

My Father's words resonated in my head
What did he mean by "product"?
My seven year old mind
tried to put it together
like a puzzle
I couldn't quite put the pieces together
I left my father's words
scattered on the floor that day

Ten years later
you crawled out of the darkness into my soul
you took my dignity that night and
my mind couldn't help but drift
to the grocery store
ten years back
where my father told the cashier
that he had made a "product" for men

The seven year old me
picked up the words
my father spit out,
not knowing what they would
one day do to his little girl
I put them together
each piece fit perfectly
I knew exactly what my father meant by "product" now

"Product"
that's precisely what I was to you
something to be used
for your satisfaction
I was to be submissive
to the male
"dont disappoint him"

I was held captive
in my own body
a body that was now in your possession

you used me carelessly
left me dry
without life
nothing could be planted in me and flourish anymore

Somehow what you did to me
was acceptable
what you made me do
over and over again
until it was ideal for you
was acceptable
I am a product
that is what I was made to do
I was meant to be used by you
over and over again

I knew it was pointless for me to fall back in love with you.
When i fell into your arms in that moment i knew we were through.
However i was satisfied. Even living in this lie.
Never even knew how much it'd hurt.
Tell me exactly how I am to understand.
You're in love with me yet your ******* some other man.
I hope, he makes you so happy.
Feel like royalty.
But just remember when you close your eyes.

You will only ever think of me.
And i will only ever not think of you.
Look what you've done to me.
Look what i've done to you.

There are certain things that I've come to realize.
That your love was headed down a path of pretty lies.
I tried to live with the pain.
Of the shame i brought to me.
Only to see you moved on..well not really.
In moments like this i try to calm myself.
From the ******* you spread on to me. Honey please.
But i hope, that you see now.
The mistake you've made.
But just remember when you close your eyes.

You will only ever think of me.
And i will only ever not think of you.
Look what you've done to me.
Look what i've done to you.

This won't ever work out.
Because I've lost all hope.
In this world im living in.
My lifes gone down a *****.
You say you can relate to.
I find it hard to believe.
I want to get close to you.
But I just can't breathe.

Is it strange, that my hearts been rearranged.
Is it wrong, that I've cried for so long.
You said you'd be there for me.
Please don't lie.
You said you be there for me.
Telling me not to cry.

If i seem too complicated..
Feel unappreciated...
Its cuz I've been hurt.
If I seem so depressed.
Seem way too stressed.
Its cuz I've been hurt.
Yes I've been hurt.

What seems like a thousand times of me trying to gain control.
Of a life that goes round and round, my heart is growing so cold.
But there you are, trying your hardest to break in.
My paranoia won't ever let you win.

Is it strange, that my hearts been rearranged.
Is it wrong, that I've cried for so long.
You said you'd be there for me.
Please don't lie.
You said you be there for me.
Telling me not to cry.

If i seem too complicated..
Feel unappreciated...
Its cuz I've been hurt.
If I seem so depressed.
Seem way too stressed.
Its cuz I've been hurt.
Yes I've been hurt.

Its just you and I.
You could always see through my lies.
When you left me behind.
Your tears fell from my eyes.

Even though I broke your heart, my scar.
Glad to see you know you're a star, my star.
And even though our love is far, so far
Please don't leave me, please don't leave me, please don't leave me, Don't you leave me babe.

If I could rewind time to when you were my first.
You know i'd erase the time I became your worst.
Please believe in me when i say that I learned.
It was your love, your love, your love, that I always have yearned.

Can there be an us?
Even though I lost all your trust.
Don't give up on me .
I need more than just your lust.

Yes I know I broke your heart, my scar.
But you will always know you're a star, my star.
So sad to see our love is far, so far
Please dont leave me, please dont leave me, please don't leave me, Dont you leave me.

If I could rewind time to when you were my first.
You know i'd erase the time I became your worst.
Please believe in me when i say that I learned.
It was your love, your love, your love, that I always have yearned.

You love him not me, you’re so attached, so attached to me
And I’ll tell you again, that you’re not right, not right for me
You try and try so hard, to win me over
But time and time again, you’re always with, always with him

I haven’t seen your face in so long.
I’m kind of wondering how, you might be doing, kinda miss who you were, to me.
I remember, how we used to be, before you got with him.
Said that I should give you another chance... because you weren’t in love with your man

Is this love? We both know its not love.
All you needed was ***, treat me just like your ex.
But now, now I heard you’re single.
Sorry, but my shoulder you can’t lean on.

Step away, step away....step away

Baby please
Is this really destiny, that I would feel for you, how you feel for me.
But you don’t really even care.
This is a ******* love affair.
You said it was a mistake, even with your heartaches.
I know that I'm too good for you, your past golden boy.
The one that you would lust, you used me like a toy.
We are not meant to be, because my heart is free.
No chains on me, I put it on everything, everything baby.


You love him not me, you’re so attached, so attached to me

And I’ll tell you again, that you’re not right, not right for me

You try and try so hard, to win me over

But time and time again, you’re always with, always with him