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Laura Warner Mar 2018
One more hit is all I need
Then I promise I am done.
For without it reality
Really does weighs a tonne.
Crushing my ribcage
Which used to home roses
But now is bruised
From fists, He stands amused
As he puts his
Hands back around my neck
Without even looking to check
If marks are visible this time.
He is long past caring
My body no longer unsparing
For he has destroyed each part
Making me look like a childs colour chart.
Maybe I am to blame
For why he torments my fragile frame.
One more hit to numb my pain
Though these thoughts I can never tame
In my new found biological remedy
As I blackout I find my serenity
Longing for a new identity
For my body is an empty shell
Storing secrets I will never tell
For fears the words will only spill out.
So I sew my lips together
As my skin looks like worn leather.
When I finally come back through
My body is an array of black, purple and blue.
I take my final hit
Hoping finally this might be it
As the world before me turns to grey.
For now is my time
As I leave the wind chimes
Bringing me into a brand new day.
Laura Warner Feb 2018
It still stings when i think of your hand slamming against my cheek
The first time you laid a finger upon me
I was only young at the time, too naive to understand
Little did i know, it wouldn't be the last time you harmed me.
You see the alcohol and the drugs
Were only temporary distractions
Long enough to keep me numb so i couldn't
Feel anything for a little while.

But sadly,
The more liquor i chugged back and the more
Smoke i inhaled into my lungs,
Praying that maybe this next hit would affect me,
That no matter what pills i took or what drugs i smoked
I could never get rid of the feeling of your piercing glare from that night
As you undressed me with your eyes like i was some kind of meat
While you sat waiting for your next meal which laid between my legs

It still burns when I think of your hand wrapped tightly around my neck
As i prayed you would finally end it all for me
That maybe if i ****** you off enough now that you would go ahead and do it
That maybe you would be framed for what you have always been doing
See you killed me long ago
Buried me 6 ft in the ground with any shred of dignity i still possessed
When you found me at 15 alone and afraid you pried upon that
Became my protector until i later realised it was you i should be fearing.
This is not from a personal experience of mine but rather a friend. I wanted to express her world and give her a voice so she didn't feel alone. She asked me to share so I have...
Laura Warner Jan 2018
One look was all it took
For my heart to become yours
One smile was all I needed
To know I had found the one worth keeping
Years may have past
But how my love only grows daily
I’m not sure how I can say this
But you are the one I always needed
The one I have always longed for
You were the connecting dots of my broken heart
The only one to really save me.
You are the missing pieces
Of the jumbled puzzle I call my life
You are the light that guides me home
When I’m feeling all alone
For you are my Romeo
My little dream
My life
Laura Warner Dec 2017
You’re under my skin
And I can’t seem to let you go
Gripping tightly, controlling my every move
You are always there
Lurking in the back of my mind
As if sitting on my shoulder
Demanding to be listened to

Why do I come back?
Why do I come running back to the thing that causes me pain?
The one who has always had control?

I thought I could trust you
Told you my deepest darkest secrets
And what did you do?
Spat your venom back into my face

Every lie you told I believe
You even had me thinking I was special  
Made me feel something for once
Yet all I feel now is empty

You are a parasite
I never can get rid of
Because there will always be
Some part of you
Left in me.
Laura Warner Dec 2017
Have you ever wondered what the rest of the universe looks like? All of the galaxies, stars and planets. Do you think life really exists out there? If so are they thinking of us? These are some of my thoughts that drift through my head as I lay beneath the stars. They shine as though they are all competing for my individual attention. One stands out, piercing brighter than all the rest. I stare at it for a while contemplating if it is a sign or not before my train of thought shifts to be preoccupied by something else, or more someone else. He always manages to cross back into my mind, consuming my thoughts until I feel both numb and ecstatic at the same time. How can someone manage to control every sense in my body and destroy them simultaneously. I am like a doll which he was always determined to string along until the next time he got bored or another much prettier model came along. So I would get thrown to the side and forgotten until he got bored of the most recent one and returned to me. He always returned to me. After a few years I began to realise that he had a type. Slim girls with piercing blue eyes and the sickly bleach blonde hair which fell just past their shoulders. They all came and left again yet I was different. I never understood why he kept me. I contrasted dramatically from the usual girls he would swap me out for with my rich chocolate hair which fell to the middle of my back and dull and lifeless emerald eyes. From all the pain I have endured over the past 5 years it’s a wonder I’m still sane… Well i’m currently still questioning if I really am or not. Any sane person would have left the minute they were first discarded like junk but not me. I was always there waiting with open arms for when he returned.

I snap out of my train of thought to the driveway becoming illuminated as he pulled in. He slammed on the brakes and threw the car door open, slamming it closed behind him before walking straight past me to the house. How can he be so cold? How can he walk straight past me without even a simple hello or even a glance. I can say i’m surprised now though. It’s the same routine every night. It always ends the same. He will act angry now and then at around 3 am he will crawl back into my bed, snuggle up to me with his head on my chest or wrapping his arms around me and like the fool I am, I will return to feeling complete because in that moment he loves me again. That is all I have ever wanted and if he has to be feeling lonely or drunk to feel anything for me then so be it. I would rather that over nothing at all.

Morning begins to draw nearer as I slowly drift off to sleep. I was up all night tossing and turning, contemplating what I actually meant to him.
Not a poem but some late night thoughts
Laura Warner Dec 2017
It has been crossing my mind recently
How little I can control
Not the wind, or the sea
Or the thoughts running within me
Long drives with no real destination
Always get me thinking
Raindrops trickle down the window
As the world flashes in a blur
Nameless faces of people
Never to be seen again
No time for first impressions
As the seconds dart past
Headlights beam brighter than all the stars
Till they are blinding through the silence
I long to be home
Yet where do you go when even home feels foreign
So this is why I am driving through the night
With no real destination
Only longing to be ‘home’.
Laura Warner Dec 2017
I wouldn’t say that I’m in love with you
More the idea of you
The memories, the emotion
The time spent together
That has all changed now
For you no longer look at me the same
The love that used to gleam in your eyes is gone
And all that is left is sour kisses
Placed upon my cheek
In the passing moments we have left together
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