My heart
swelling
in my chest,
trying to stop
my tongue
from destroying this,
from destroying everything

But


"I can't..."

and just like that
our hearts stop

and it becomes too late

you gave me eyes. made me the person that i am now. you builded me up, helping me evolve from the small insignificant person i was.
we are created to create, they say, but more we are to destroy to create.

My words are a guillotine
and you willfully put your head
underneath it.
I know ******* you.
It'd be so easy.
A simple word here
a phrase there
and I'd destroy you.
Leave you doubting yourself
doubting me
and feeling guilty for it.

My hands touch you
make you plead for more.
I want to freeze sometimes
to just stop.
Maybe even to leave.
I want to leave your wondering
what you did wrong.
I want to break your heart.
Because this is what I do.
I leave things, people,
in pieces.

Only once in a blue moon
do I wish to destroy
to break
to shatter.

Sometimes,
it's not you I want to hurt
it's me.
I want to destroy myself
from the inside out.
That includes hurting you
beyond repair.
If I make you hate me
I'll have no reason not to hate myself.

You know when you're holding
something precious
like life in your hands
say
a frog
and you have the fleeting thought
to crush it between your fingers?
That's what it feels like.

That's what this feelng is,
isn't it?
Just a small thing
destined to go away.
I don't realy
wholeheartedly want to hurt you
or anyone or anything
really
I don't.

I just want to know
what you'd say
what you'd do
if I could ever make you cry
If I could completely break you.

Part of me
knows how wrong this is
how I shouldn't be wonderng about this
that wanting to **** something
or destroy it's spirit or heart
probably makes me a sociopath
but I'm not sure if I care.

I want to be compared
to a black hole.
I want to make everyone hate me
see how ugly I really am.

I want you to wish you'd never met me.

Self-destruction is a terrible thing,
isn't it?
When you've got nothing left
and you're all on your own
you have no means to go on.

I wish I didn't have you by my side,
but then again,
I never want you to leave.

I wish to God I could be taken
from this earth
but I want to stay with you forever.

Baby tell me
I'm okay.
That I'm not insane.
That you'll love me no matter what.
Because I'm scared of what I'm capable of.

I'm scared of hurting you
purposely or otherwise.

This guillotine
doesn't want your head
to be there.
It wishes you would move,
save yourself.
Pull away.

But you don't.
You stay in the blades path.
And as it goes down
so does my heart.

I wasn't created to destroy.

Please don’t hear
Please don’t listen to me
I’m all that you can now see
A storm in a cup of water
And I have warned you from this
From the day you borrowed me your sweater

Stop taking every word I say
You can’t believe every single sentence I say
I’m sorry for being that way
It will everything turn out to be fine
The suns is still coming the next day

It feels so empty
But I don’t want this to affect you
You are still a teen
You are twenty
I wish my words weren’t so clean

You look quite happy tonight
And I’m once more here again
To destroy it
You are still a teen
And someday you will find someone else
That can give you back love again

the foundations we built without knowing
but
i cant let you in
theres things i need to say to you
but i cant
and i cant keep you out
so i wait

and we keep building
and we dance in silence
to the music
and let the world burn
from the fires of our silence

watched by the moonlight
the ashes are our scars
i just wanted to dance
in our usual trance

your love is a decoy,
because you'll always be a boy,
and my feelings,
is your toy to destroy;

that is how
you find joy