i pull down my pants,
underpants,
and then i pull down my skin,

and it seems as though there has been blood stains
there
since forever,

so when i look down and greet each thigh,
i have begun to greet the floor
as well...

in thinking that they would laugh, when
i trim myself in the mirror,
i
make cutting motions and
pretend
to slice open my skin and everyone else
who says i am
not worth it
..

but my curves are warm when they hug me,
and i think
i see a girl hiding
between their folds, in the dark...
lost,
but in her own body.

so when people look at me, i've learned now
to cower,
to put away my teeth, my hair,
my words of indignation,
and
turn into that tiny girl, where
i'm always safe, always small...
always alone.

where i am crucified, but loved,
hungry, but not wanting,  
satiated...

but only for now.

Everyone says you are supposed to love your scars
They say it shows how strong you are
But the funny thing is that when I look at them
I see how long they have been there
The sad thing is they have been there longer than anybody ever has

Convulsed veins, strangled for air,
I gasp but nothing is there.
Each sharp breath,
Each sharp pain.
I grow closer
I grow closer to pain.

Weeping, wailing for more
She is gone, she is gone.
The breaths have ended.
The pain has last.
I try to fight
I try for life.

Each small cut
I release my soul.
Each small breath
I release more and more.
Deep, deep down
Dig as far as possible.
Release the pain
Release the soul.

I have become one,
I have become none.
I want to die
I want none.

Kms means **** myself
Except it doesn't
It means this *****
So when I say kms
Just know that I'm suffering
But I don't actually wanna die
Because when I do
I keep it in
And it'll go away
Cms
That's an acronym I'd use
It means cut myself
And when I say that
I actually mean it
Like now
Or 2 nights ago
Or 2 weeks ago
Each time a new spot
But a spot no one can see
My hips
My stomach
The skin under my *****
It's a habit I can't break
An addiction I can't go to rehab for
I'm fine
I promise.

Today my heart shattered again
A million pieces and one...two..
I am losing count
I'm losing you
Please crave me the way
I crave you
Your heart beat was mine and
You took that too
See my heart only beats for you but
You have a different view
Look on my arm
I bleed for you
Please love me
As much as you want her to love you
M.d

tears feel good on my raw, cut skin
maybe that's why i cry so much

I’ve got to wake up early tomorrow
There’s a stillness in it
That you don’t find in my stomach
It does flips and flips and flips
Brush the hair out of my face again, will you
I know I need it cut

A gentle voice to cut through nascent wails
A tender hug to quiet and to love
A guiding hand to give a needed shove