Delete it
I keep telling myself
The mornings and evenings
I keep hovering
Over the action

Delete it
The photos and videos
The calendar we created
Your birthday
Our shared moments

Delete it
Just do it
A simple action
The smallest movement
One finger is all it takes

Delete it
And throw it all away
Permanently gone
Your name erased
Storage finally cleared

Delete it
But I am hesitating
And begging
To ignore that button
Another day, another excuse

Delete it
What a coward I am
Delaying the inevitable
It's not right
To still look at you

Delete it
I know I will, I promise
But even if I delete it
It's all stored in my heart
And how can I delete that?

You used to be my best friend,
now its like i never existed.
You used to be my best friend,
now its like you never existed.

You ran when i needed you most
Thanks for the help dad
Do you sleep peacefully?
Is there any guilt or remorse when you think of me?

do you even realize
what you did to me
when the personal creator
who birthed me
Tragically departed the earth early
only two weeks after turning 18.
You were nowhere to been seen
searching for your teen.
Her heart she let open bleed
at that fateful scene.

But if you're wondering,
Im alve and occupied,
attempting to mend these shattered pieces of mine

How could you abandon
our bond and memories so easily
Didnt even say sorry,
you still don't try to get ahold of me.

a sweet young girl
taking on a new lonely world.
Youd be proud to know,
i conquered it great
with no supports and did what it takes
to adapt, grow up and outlast.
I've matured too fast.

i forgive as a daughter
but as a parent
i can never understand
you are not a man

I forgive as a daughter
but as a father
I will never understand
abandonment as your plan
thus forfeiting being a man.

Grieving you,
but your not dead.
Your lost in your head.
18 was supposed to be when my life started
not grieving a mother
and wondering what happened to my father

i will always wonder.
Its not fair to me, nor to the men i meet,
that i want them to fill the emptiness in me
that you could easily complete.

All you have do is call me.
Grieving someone who's not even dead,
is an enitrely differnt level of grief itself.

Thanks for the help dad
i try not to be mad
but knowing you choose
drugs over me
livng on the streets
makes me wonder why i'm not good enough.
You don't even have to give that up.
Just wish youd call and say what's up.

I will do me.
You do you.
Youll wish you stayed,
Once i can fully make peace with the truth
I can be the me
that was free
and full of life
before you disrupted my upbringing.

I will rise again
like the phoenix always does.

A coward hiding behind the mask,
A coward who can’t handle a task.
A coward who can’t earn a dime—
Why can’t he see a bit of shine?

In a world full of intelligence,
There lives one lost in negligence.
He wants the power in his hands,
To write a story that understands.

The coward finally sees himself,
While finding his story on a shelf.
He stays inside his little shell,
Not knowing what to give up—
the fear, the past, or the hell.

Can't dislodge the shiit clot caught in my brain stem
On a marry go round of hell hounds, can't outrun them
I find it strange that a life can be all pain with no gain
I find it strange that nothing remains other than battle wounds and blood stains
The coward in me always wins with it's upper hand
My grand plan is to get my head deeper in the sand
The conversations from both sides of my mouth become simultaneous
Keeping this unstable, rival mindset at bay is strenuous, it's made me venomous

©2024

It's my fault
It's my fault for thinking someone willing to lie from day one could be the one
It's my fault
It's my fault for thinking that my love would be worth someone's full attention
It's my fault
It's my fault for brushing off caution like, "it's not a red flag, iiiiit's more of a crimson"
It's my fault
It's my fault for being a coward when this time, maybe for the first time, there is no reason
It's my fault
It's my fault...fuuck it...whatever...it's always my fault, I'm done..find another sucker to pick on

©2024