My nails carved scars into my skin,
As if pain could remove the feeling that lingers within.
Blood spills on my body frame
Yet it cannot clear the filth I feel.

I scrub and scrub,
No soap, no water, no time
Can rinse away the weight of shame

How strange this world is
So loud, yet it never heard the screams
That once lingered in those walls

I tried to escape the shadows that gripped my ankles.
To run from the arms that pinned me down.

I choked on silence that was my peace
I tried to ***** out the disgusting taste
But it stuck to the roof of my mouth
A bitter feeling that won’t go away no matter how hard i tried

The bruises faded,
But the memory never did.

My cries for help, once strong
Just disappeared
A small plea for Nothing big.
Time passed
Now it was not where to be seen .

I've been meaning to write this for so long,
To tell you how I see you
Sometimes wrapped in shades of blue,
A quiet calm that lingers in your steps.
And then there are days you glow in purple,
Radiant in the light, like dusk softly kissing the sky.

I love the way your hair finds itself
Tied in a bun, neat and graceful,
Or braided down your back,
Revealing its endless length,
A cascade of midnight flowing free.

Some days, I greet you face to face,
And on others, I linger behind,
Watching you walk away
Thinking how the red of your dress
Dances with the flower in your hair,
A fleeting flame that burns quietly in my mind.

I adore your smile
How it arrives unannounced,
And your eyes
Always glistening, always bright.

I smile, too, when I spot your bus in the morning,
And find myself just hoping -
Hoping to catch a glimpse of you,
As if that alone could brighten my day.

Every evening, when I walk home,
One thought follows me like a shadow
Will I see her today?

My friends know how foolish I am when it comes to you
How your name is carved into every joke they make,
And how no one dares touch
That one red and silver pen
The one that feels like yours somehow.

I keep thinking back to that Teacher’s Day
The way you stood on stage,
Draped in purple,
Frozen in a moment I never want to forget.

And I know
I'll always carry these colors with me,
A canvas painted in shades of you.

A cry in the night
Thin yet sharp
Unheard, yet never unspoken.

Why? Why did they turn away?
Why did my voice fall like a leaf
Trembling and twisting  
yet never caught?
I reached out i swear i did
But not far, not loud
But enough
enough for someone to notice.
Or so I thought.

Was I too small, too plain, too quiet
To be worth the reach of a hand?
Was I too ordinary to be saved?
Too forgettable to be found?

I cried, but no one listened.
I begged, but no one answered.
My voice cracked and broke
And still nothing.

Tell me was I not enough for you ?
Not special enough  to matter to you?

I tried to stand tall,
But my legs shook beneath me.
I tried to be strong,
But my ribs felt too small to hold any breath i took
I swallowed the screams again and again
Until they rotted inside me
Turning my chest tight and until i felt it on my body
Turning my mind into a maze I couldn’t escape , maybe i never will.

I waited.
For a knock at the door,
For a voice to call my name,
For someone or anyone to come see me,
To see the shadows swallowing me whole

But no one came.

So
I learned to smile enough
To keep all the questions away.
I laughed loud enough
To bury the sound of my shattering heart
I wore my strength like armor
Heavy and suffocating
But convincing enough to fool them all.

And still... I waited.
Waited for someone to notice
That under the brave face
Was a soul in great pain

Tell me , was really so easy to forget?
So simple to not care
Did no one see the way I flinched every time
Did no one notice the way I held my breath whenever there footsteps neared my bed

I used to dream that someone would save me that someone would see through the silence
And wrap me in arms that felt safe.
I used to believe that love
real love l
Would find me before I disappeared completely.

But now that I wonder.
Maybe some people aren’t meant to be saved
People like me
Maybe some cries are meant to die out in the night
Forgotten and unheard

And maybe that cry in the night
just maybe.
It was never meant to matter at all.

Rainy days make me contemplate
What if I took her warm embrace
What if we shared our dreams and fears;
It is the cold that whispers,
Lonely tunes of an old radio,
Waking up emotions of faded hue;
The thought of you and me
How lovely would it be
If I could lean on your shoulder
As the weather turns colder.

I have a cold, and

I enjoy the drowsiness --


It gives me shelter.

It's running through
my whole body. Every
little strand of sinew
and every piece of
cartilage can feel it.
What's wrapping
my body is cold,
dry and famished,
craving wrapping.
Cigarette ash linens,
it's sticky at the bottom
of a cup on the ground.
Bats in barren caves yet
warmer than in my grotto.

It didn't matter

that the bird

survived.

It didn't matter

that the council

drained the lake.

The long

summer

never actually

arrived.

The blue sky

eventually went

and lived else-

where.

I asked the dog

why you were

so sad. Was told

that you always

hated July. Something

about the coldness,

and so

always having to hold

on to the

warmest parts

of each other.

You once asked me,
what the world would be like
if we didn't love,
didn't smile,
didn't touch.
If we never met
under the stars.
If I never caught my breath
in the breeze of that summer night,
my heart struck by lightning.
Or was it was your beauty?
I told you I'd cease to exist in a world
without you,
my heart would freeze.
Shatter from the cold.
But I met you, loved you.
I know I did.
So why then
is the world
so utterly
cold.