I tried so hard.
I tried to be pretty and funny and spontaneous. I tried to be better for you.
I know you’re not supposed to change yourself for someone, but I honestly feel like you were bringing out the best in me.
You didn’t make me change myself. I chose to. So it hurts that I still wasn’t good enough for you.
You didn’t try very hard. You didn’t have to.
I was head over heels for you, and you knew it. You abused it.
Now you’re gone, and I can’t even recognize myself.
I was there when you need someone. I was there when your world is so dark. I was there yet you still chose her. Why? What's wrong with me? Am I not enough?
He knows I'm not perfect.
He knows all my flaws too well.
He knows there's a void in me no one could fill.
And yet he chose to love me still.
Although I strut like a bright plumed bird
I do not choose-
As a man, I am chosen.
I noted your face first I thought
but it was you who
selected mine. You
who arranged our first well-considered
copulation, who washed and aired
the sheets two days before-
You who arranged the hour.
I who complied.
There were so many ways by which she can heal herself
but she chose me.
She chose to help
She take care of
She's like the
guardian of the
knowing him was
With all the
worst the had
She chose to
She stood strong.
Even when broken.
He came like
To her skin.
gaps of void,
of once she
He's nothing new,
For she could
Knowing him was
Loving him; No.
The colors that have drained
from the dreams of people,
lie cluttered on the doorway
of their homes.
Everytime they try to leave
for something more practical
and more safe life, that they chose,
that awaits them everyday
and does not keep them worrying
about what all they can loose.
Everytime they step out,
even in hurry,
they sidestep that clutter.
Look at it from the corner of their eyes
and for a second their heart seems aware
of the frost that is killing it.
For a second the reasons for the
sleepless night and blank gazes is recalled.
But the limbs keep moving
to keep a distance from hopes
that never materialize.
On their way back home
they dread to see
the clutter of discarded dreams.
But they want to believe
that ignoring and forgetting it
becomes easier with time.
Although it never has.
The tears in my eyes have not yet to fall
Because I remember when I do cry, I don't cry but bawl.
Then I structure and build a great wall
And grow and grow in reverse, anything but big, oh so small.
The hair in my face still glistens as it snows
My blinking eyes flicker at the reminder that it's me you chose.
The cheeks on my face as red as a rose,
But thoughts in my mind, as they quickly slow.
Makes me wonder, what are our plans?
Will you leave as the tears on my face dance?
Would you ever give me a second or third or fourth chance?
Will there ever be another incident where we touch hands?
Am I overthinking already?
I'm so sorry, I'll try and go steady.
My thoughts can be so destructive and deadly.
But I can promise you that someday I'll be ready.
I promise it's me.