Do not speak highly of me when I die,
we know the words aren't true.
I cheated.
I lied.
I made too many women cry.
I drank
and crashed my car a few times because of it.
I smoked cigarettes
and didn't brush my teeth enough.
I stole once
which I was never proud of.
I said nasty things
to very nice people
and I didn't do enough to help
those who were in need.
Please, my friend,
do not speak highly of me when I die.

last summer
I met a boy of 6 feet tall
he is two years older than me
he listens to punk rock
has an alcoholic father,
and his kisses
are sweeter than honey
and softer than silk

we spent countless, long, dreamy
cold, rainy, humid
nights
in my backyard
with the smell of too much hairspray
which I can not bring myself to smell again
and mosquito spray which I never apply anymore
11pm
4am
the hours passed by like minutes, seconds

under the stars
telling secrets
I was scared
scared of losing him
even though he was already lost

fading
disapearing
slowly and then all at once

hallways
silence
stares
me alone
him and her

11pm
4am
hours seem like eternitys, milleniums
crying
flashbacks
thinking about the us that will never be
blood spills on the paper
spelling out your words, promises
do I even cross his mind
maybe  probably not  no

I'm sorry I wasn't
skinny
pretty
funny
admirable
good
enough

I'm sorry

we didn't even say goodbye

goodbye, Brandan

In the ballroom, half past the hour I struggle to find place where bleeding walls are curtailing chase. and in the crude mix of masqueraded hearts I found your true face I watched you stroll in and out of fits of love, destroying every good thing left to break
In the ballroom, three quarters past the hour I felt your cruelty pierce my skin and bone to a core, childishly toying with an old doll that couldn't take the pain anymore
so that one day when pride knocks on your door he'll bestow you upon the floor and may you rest there forevermore.
but in the ballroom, as the hour ends, for now you say amen before you feast upon the fragile thin of souls that belong to men whom may never love again. and may love never forgive you for this sin.
In the ballroom, for the rest of your extent,
may all the lost souls never forgive nor forget you for this sin.

I want the flames of her bright red hair to swallow her
I want the dimples on her cheeks to sink in and melt away her fake *** smile
I want her to disappear and never return.

Because at one point,
she held your heart in her hands
and in her tiny brain she stills does.

I want  karma to hit her as hard as I want to
I want every person she's wronged to put her on trial
If being an awful human being was a crime
She'd have a double life sentence

I do not hate often, but when someone is so selfish
they cannot see
cannot feel
do not care,
about another human beings personal
struggles
pain
heartache
dreams
I will not tolerate it.

You said your heart was mine
You promised beyond forever with me

And yet there you are, being her best friend
And the next day her worst enemy

All she has ever done to you is
lie
cheat
hurt
you, my love

And yet you hold some kind of twisted love for her
in the corner of your heart.

Why am I not enough huh?
Why can't my eternal devotion, immense pride, irrevocable love
deter you from the path to her
the path to hell...

You are with me and yet talking to her holds some kind of priority,
why?

I will never understand how in the beginning we were perfect
And how I never thought there would be an end.

Because of her we are broken,
without her we are stronger than diamond,
arguments cannot penetrate us
but with her, we are fragile wet tissue paper,
turning to pulp in her devious hands.

Cut the ties you have between her
Or lose me forever.

Its your choice.