Last night I cried
until I had red eyes
hyperventilating;
I was
continuously saying
that I wanted to die
in between every breath
trembling;
I was
mumbling little nothings
that meant everythings yet
no one wanted to hear me.
I am
breathing;
steadily now, the next day.

Little sir, LONELY SIR
Why are you so alone?
SPEAK UP DON'T MURMUR
No flowers litter my gravestone
BECAUSE PEOPLE WALK AWAY
I just want to blend in
THEY TREAT YOU LIKE AN ASHTRAY
My problems lie within
I JUST WANT YO PLAY
I need to close my self off
IT ALWAYS RAINS ON A DARK DAY
So there is no trade-off
THEY DON'T SEE YOU ANYWAY
She's always there for me
PEOPLE CHANGE ON DOOMSDAY
She protects me from myself who is beastly
RAISE YOUR CUP
I refuse to listen
THEN BURN UP
You won't darken my mind, it glistens!
LISTEN TO MY WHISPERS
Leave me alone
SUFFER MY BLISTERS
You won't break my capstone
ALL I WANT IS A SMILE OR TWO
This is a beautiful day
NOT IN YOUR FIELD OF VIEW
You won't have your way
WE ALL RUN OUT OF TIME
What if they look for me?
THE BLACKNESS IS ONLY SUBLIME
They can always see
THEY ARE BLIND LIKE ALWAYS
This is my happy life
YOUR TRUTH IS JUST A LIE IN HAZE
Just me and my wife
SO WHY ARE YOU LONELY
You aren't really there
YOUR OPINION ONLY
  We GrEw Up OnLy To FaLl AnD TeAr
YOU JUST LOVE THE PAIN
All I seek is happiness
NOT IN MY DOMAIN
Why are you fueled by my sadness?
DOLT YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE
I shall and nothing will stop me
DEMONS INSIDE ALWAYS MAKE YOU SHRIVE
They all decay eventually
I'm NoT WeLl
BuT No OnE CaN TeLl
As I SiT AnD StAy
TrYiNg To KeEp ThE DaRkNeSs AwAy
Please help me
Before the rest of me is locked away with a skeleton key
HE WON'T LAST LONG
BECAUSE I'M HERE ALL ALONG
My MiNd Is On FiRe
It BuRnS LiKe HeLlFiRe

I'm sorry you died last night
I´m sorry your family got the call
I'm sorry they stole your life
For no reason at all

I know you wanted to grow old
See every exotic place
They hit us hard and cold
We all thought that you were safe

There is a stream of candlelight
On the ground where you fell down
There is blue, red and white
For you all over town

Everyone's talking about you
You didn't know all of them
People walked down the avenue
Singing the national anthem

You were just here
Nothing of this makes sense
They´ve captured each tear
With a big camera lense

The headlines are bold
Everyone wants to know
If it's true what they're told
If hatred can reach this low

Soon your name will be known
And they'll put flowers down
Stand by the memorial stone
One year from now

You didn't deserve this
The bullets from these men
Now they´ll always miss
Since you are in heaven

Only days have past
It seems like a nightmare
We just lost you so fast
All we have now is prayer

The nation's plan how to react
They don't really know what to do
There´s nothing but hatred behind the attack
and nothing will bring back you

Minutes of silence, a red rose
For you and those left behind
New stories about heroes
That in times of terror were kind

How we will recover from this
No one can envision yet
But we will take back Paris
and we´ll never forget

I'm so sorry you died last night
I hope you see us here below
Our flowers and candles won´t make it alright
But I just thought that you should know

Please help pray for Paris. I feel so helpless and sad tonight. I wish it wasn´t real.

Paris

Friday night in Budapest
Music echoing in a bar
A man and woman well dressed
Walking towards their car

Friday night in Paris
Sirens echoing in the street
Chaos rapidly embowering bliss
Ground shaking under running feet

Friday night in Oslo
Laughter and good wine
Tall candlesticks standing aglow
Faces losing track of time

Friday night in Paris
Laughter twisting into cries
Searching for those you miss
As black smoke fills the skies

Friday night in Berlin
Together watching a football game
Hoping that your team will win
Cheering with a poster of their name

Friday night in Paris
Blood on the big green field
Lying on the ground alive you wish
That it simply isn't real

Friday night in London
Going out with a friend
Hearing the ringing of big ben
Thinking of how much to spend

Friday night in Paris
Crowds shattered by gunshots and hate
On your knees filled with anguish
You loved, but now it is too late

Friday night in Rome
Midnight walks under the sky
Couples together, walking home
Others turning to say goodbye

Friday night in Paris
Hate took away the morning
No words can fix this
Or dry the tears of the mourning

The outer heart is dense
Made for nothing but defense
But every now and then, something pierces
But when it’s repairing the damage done
What of that which overcomes
It is constantly breaking through, creating lesions
So little the reparations mend
What little alive left to tend
When the tissue is dead and sordidly forgotten
Death will come from all that it's abandoned
Heartbeats constant yet instable
Will bring anyone down to their knees
Heartbeats that become unable
To liberate, only condemned to defeat
The outer heart shall rot and expose
What once was too precious to behold
Is now fighting until its last breath
Ill-prepared and defenseless still
Oft fueled by only pure will
Through all the abuse that the inner heart will suffer
None worse than sabotage by the love of another
Heartbeats lapsed, confused and fleeting
Destroyed after all it had found
Heartbeats faint, profuse bleeding
Drowning in pools on the ground

© 2015 Neal Emanuelson

I  rise  despite sickness,
The invisible parasite
that  clings on me
Has found his way out of my bed
The  darkness of my secrets.
will be destroyed in his eyes