Palms sweating on the steering wheel
I try to chat
Hold on tightly
I look ahead
Red lorry, yellow lorry
My breath catches in my throat as we approach the bridge
Parallel lines pass me by
Don't look
I know how high up I am
If I wanted, I could drive off this bridge...
With one...
Lines
Flick...
Lines
Of my wrist.
My stomach rises and drops too fast
I feel like I'm falling
Releasing dread and panic
Adrenaline and tears
She gets angry but tries to calm me down
Down from the bridge
Get down
Fall off
Fall off the Earth
Be ****** out
No gravity
Oh God, no gravity
I try to breathe
I breathe
I breathe
Hold on tightly
We're off the bridge
I try to chat
Palms sweating on the steering wheel

everywhere I turned there was a screeching child around every aisle
begging, whining, crying,
faces red, tears rolling as they throw probably their fifth or sixth temper tamtrum all day
right there in the middle of walmart
parents faced drained of life
trying to get in and out
while rounding up their child
dragging them by the arm
giving them what they want so they stop asking even three aisles away from the object
I bent down to grab my cupcake holders and I hear little feet running up beside me
and a young boy goes bolting by me,
a box of fruit roll ups in his hands
and I watch as he throws it in the cart and the mother continue to walk as if that didn't just happen
as I stand the sound of screams echoes
through the grocery section
and all I can think is
GO GO GO
GET ME OUT OF HERE
my lungs felt heavy
my breath was coming in quick
small gasps
I started sweating under my arm pits
my mind closing around the sounds of
bratty children screaming behind me
beside me
in front of me
as if the sounds were taunting me
I dropped the two items I had on a random shelf and headed toward the door as fast as my feet would take me
pushed open the doors and ran to my car
where I turned the ignition on
stepped on the gas and flew out of the parking lot
I gasped for air when I got on the road
I hadn't even realized I'd been holding my breath
was that going to be my life?
was I about to nurture
love
clean
change diapers
fall in love
with a hateful, selfish, evil little demon
that would fool me for a few months of absolutely adorable babyness before turning into Satan spawn right before my eyes
begging, screaming, whining when they don't get their way
who was I kidding
I've always hated children
and in return they've hated me back
just last week a boy told me my leggings were gay
what made me think my son would be any different?
I didn't calm down until I got to sit in silence
just the sound of my cars engine
and my own breathing
I swore right then and there
even if it kills me, I would never let my child be that kid
I refused to let my life end up the way those parents in walmart had turned out
kids will be kids but my child will
never chase a pregnant woman out of a store in an absolute panic second guessing motherhood

Living life on the edge--
Always wondering when the next 
Unearthly shiver, the next 
Wave would crest and fall on you and 
Everything would slow down for a few 
Seconds
(They felt like hours)
When your insides would 
Flip and freeze and 
Everything was out to get you
But you were--
Stuck between cobwebs, face
Contorting (only on the inside)
--A short eternity 
Jailed between the suffocating
Walls of your crimson-coloured
Mind.

(No escape)

Take it
All of it
Like dogs to a bone
Tear me to pieces
Leave nothing behind
Keep it all to yourself
And fight for the scraps
Of what's left of me

Cut deep
Slice me open
Drain out life
From my open wounds
Try and capture it
Bottled fragments of my being
Ignore the screaming
I'll be silent soon enough

Severe me
From mine
Till every limb's detached
And you can have one each
And maybe then be satisfied
Having finally destroyed
My form for your own pleasure

Not enough
You will find
The taste of me will linger
But what you have wont last
Long enough to sustain the hunger
You'll need more
Soon enough

So leave behind my bones
And take to the skies
In search of another weary soul
Circle wide and be patient
As their knees give in you will witness
Their spirit escape them too

tap, tap, tap
my toe hits the linoleum
I'm caught up in bouncing knees
and quivering hands
involuntary vibration
punctuated by staccatos
slicing through the silence
"It's coming," it says
I mutter, "how soon?"

Starts in the stomach
works is way up
Enveloping shroud
eloping off with
sensibility
sexuality
senses
gripping onto
wringing anxiety jams
for sale
just shake it all off
and stop worrying so much