Silence
A beautiful word
but yet such an empty meaning
Usually it means you're alone
which is an empty feeling
I drown myself in silence
it's so heavy and thick.
It smothers you,
and you can't breathe.

Goodnight, goodnight
Stars so bright,
twinkling in your eyes,
goodnight, goodnight
Lips of faded skin,
skin of porcelain
Black shirt, black shirt
What are you worth?
I love you, I love you
Kisses of beautiful sin
I love you, I love you,
to hold me is bliss
one I'll surely miss
Goodnight, goodnight,
my darling tonight.
Have you ever seen the rain?
The sky cries
as the stars twinkle in your eyes
but goodnight, goodnight
the moon says goodnight.

For the first time in his life,
he was speechless
not a word to say
A thought unformed,
a bell not rang
silently staring,
mouth agape
at the woman who made him think
in different ways

For the first time in her life,
she was speechless
to the woman who told her
she was beautiful
in so many different ways
she was speechless to the friends she had made
unable to formulate words,
chatterbox broken,
a record skipping

Like any other time in his life,
he was speechless,
not a word to say,
unforced words to people he'd never known
to people who don't care
until he's online,
with his fair share.

Like any other time in her life,
she was speechless,
but no,
not on paper,
her words flowed like a rushing river
but only on paper
to be unseen but to her.

I wish someone was proud of me
More than just one,
more than just one.
More than just my lover.
I wish my mom was proud of me
for academics, poetry
art, music
anything I do
I wish my dad was proud of me
My stepfather
My best friend.
I wish I had something to be proud of
more than just my love
and lack of envy.
With long brown painted nails
tap-tap-tapping on a keyboard
Wondering what I could be good at
How I could make you proud
But that'll never happen, I think
too much on the plate,
too much to see,
to much to know.
I wish someone would be proud of me,
more than just my lover,
that sees every side of me.

Happiness is a rainy day
Happiness is soft teddy bears
Happiness is your forehead kisses,
and the way you always put a smile on my face
Happiness is laying with you
Happiness is looking into your eyes and seeing life
Happiness is pineapples,
and loud music,
Happiness is tiny kittens,
Happiness is your favorite sport ,
long naps,
tight hugs
Happiness is your lips on mine,
your presence by my side
Happiness is me
Happiness is you
Happiness is us

You're a rainy day
You can be warm, you can  be cold
You can flood, you're a storm
You're a beautiful danger
a sight to behold
You can make a mess
I can see the lightning in your eyes
The sparks that electrify the night
You can be deadly,
with your kisses and your stare
You can be a breath of fresh air
You can be calming,
You can be unpredictable
but let me just tell you
you may be a rainy day
but rainy days are my favorite days

So tired of fighting
every night
having my music on high
just trying to get through the night
wrapped up in a blanket
eight times my size
So tired of almost losing you
every night
it's like we're singing the same tune
over and over.
So tired of being told I told you so
by everyone who ever said you were bad for me
So tired of being called stubborn
for wanting to find out myself
what you were like
So tired of being in this state
every night
So tired of getting ******
at every little thing.
So tired of your jealousy,
that has no place.
So tired of being told not to talk to any of my friends,
because you're scared to lose me
but the words you say late at night
when sleep is avoiding you
and your actions mean anything but
So tired of arguing every night,
with my music up so high.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."
Which, my friend, is none.
We never think we deserve any love.
Maybe we'll mess up the love we get,
and pretend it doesn't hurt,
and we'll be happy for them
when they find someone that is not us
because then, they'll be happy,
and that's all we want.
We don't deserve love,
because we can't show it back,
because we can't handle it,
because we can't think to ourselves
that this is really happening,
You can't see for yourself.
You don't trust,
don't think it's anything real.
Maybe we're a "special" kind of breed,
something that needs fixed.

Today you said
you were ashamed of me,
that you didn't know why I existed..
you called me an anorexic *****
you told me I wasn't good at anything
and I was going to amount to nothing
you called me a depressed brat
well I'm sorry I seem that way
today you said you hated me,
to your friends
but today I heard.
And I didn't expect it.
but I didn't cry...
I didn't hate you...
I didn't respond...
I just walked outside
in the freezing snow
and made myself numb.
today you said I was worthless
and I've never deserved anything
or anyone
and today
I'm not sorry I don't meet your expectations

Happiness is like a dream
something I can recall,
but it isn't tangible and
I can't seem to reach it,
there's a road block in my way
Too tall to climb over,
too far in the ground to crawl under
stretches for miles
and made of thoughts and
self-hating theories

That wall has ruined a lot for me,
it never seems to understand I don't like it
Can't really take a hint
I've beat the **** out of it,
and it hasn't budged
It's pretty exhausting.
Don't call it fight when you know it's a war,
with nothing but your t-shirt on
You can fight a wall
but you're not going to get anywhere

It's an imaginary wall
Really, just an illusion
a hypothetical object stopping me
but it seems so real
and it really hurts
hitting it again
and again
and again and again

I was hoping this year was going to be better for me,
but really,
I'm only worse,
and it's only February.

Most people wouldn't say
that they found love
in a girl with red hair,
green eyes,
incredibly shy,
scared of food,
childish,
loves her music much too loud,
hates herself,
with an addiction to coffee,
cracked but not broken.

Most people wouldn't say
that they found a friend
in the girl with red hair,
even if she was trustworthy
she gives awful advice
has a bad way to approach things
and would prefer music and sleep
over people any day

Most people wouldn't say
that they found this girl interesting
pretty
talented
because she isn't
she's just another girl,
one with red hair and words to say
that no one will listen to,
and no one will confide in
no one will find
she's just going to be alone,
and she's okay with that.

She isn't about to blame them, because she wouldn't either.

I'm curled up to a pillow
wishing it was you
Grasping my own hand
wishing it was yours
tears streaming down my face
****, I miss you.
I have a big bag of chocolate kisses,
but they don't compare to yours.
I can't sleep at all without you.
I'm lost in empty thoughts
and broken promises
wishing you were here
wishing you were still just a daydream away
wishing the thought of you was my simple comfort
but it's not enough
I'm downing coffee like it's water
trying to **** the fatigue
need to go to a doctor,
and you begged me to
but I still haven't yet

I need you,*
but you needed to leave me
I had you,
but you never had me
I love you,
but did you ever love me?
I saw you,
tears, sadness, pain
laughter, happiness, gain
but did you notice?
I noticed you,
and your green eyes
opened wide,
susceptible.
I miss you,
but you don't miss me,
you have a friend of mine
that used to mean the world to me
now you're both gone
and I'm lonely
and alone, I suppose.
Soul torn open,
words dripping out,
eyes closed tightly,
tears slipping now.

It's funny what you remember about people
Their favorite colors,
their favorite songs,
what made them smile,
what made them laugh
the sweet things they said
what they got passionate about,
what they talked about at two in the morning
when no one else listened

It's funny how you remember how their hair fell in their face
and how their hoodie always hung
and the way they shuffle their feet when they walk,
and puff out their cheeks slightly in stress
how they got *******
the way they talk
the way they could be a mess

It's funny that you remember things about people
that don't seem to matter
but you love them,
and miss them
It's sad that you remember people, really.
It's sad that you can't forget
and oh so easily move on
it's sad that a lot of times you don't even want to

Doing what you want to do
It can take a lot
Getting up and leaving
a friend,
a partner,
a relationship in any and all forms
but to make yourself happy
It's a life that you deserve
Happiness is a choice,
to not have it is absurd
Yes, there's a comfort in being numb
if it's all you've ever known
there's a comfort in tears
when you think you deserve it
I'd know.
But you don't deserve it
No one ever does
Be the old lady with tons of lines on her face
from laughing so hard in all of her days
Be the man with a smile always on his face,
or be the person who's just comfortable
You don't have to be sad,
though it's okay to be,
it's not a lifestyle,
so please don't make it out to be
don't torture yourself
with all of the pain.
Your appearance isn't the defining point in your life
It's not going to stop you from living the way you want

Not one
but both
no preference
too scared to go too far
curled into material happiness
too far gone to come back
awake but asleep
until morning
and even then
alone again

You say you’re here
You’re not, not at all
You’re falling apart
Desk against the wall
Screeching as you plop down
Your hand raised as your name is called
You look like you’re about to fall
A face missing all emotion
Hands with profoundly visible veins
Tired eyes,
a deceitful smile
Asked if you’re okay,
you reply with a simple “I’m fine”
And maybe you are
Maybe you just stayed up a little too late
Pushed a little too far
Maybe you’re hurting,
Maybe no one knows
Maybe it’s your secret
Kept behind closed doors

Don’t mind me. I’m just your heart, seeing things your eyes never could.
I’m just your eyes, gazing into blank space, tears threating to spill over.
I’m just your hands, shaking at your thoughts.
I’m just your face, devoid of all emotion.
I’m just your mouth, pretending to be happy, twitching as I smile.
I’m just your heart, slowly disintegrating and falling apart.
I’m just your soul, spiraling deeper into nothingness.
I’m just your mind, pushing you farther away from all you’ve ever wanted.
I’m just your stomach, craving food you don’t want.
I’m just your dreams, giving you peace of mind for a little while.
Don’t mind me, I’m the songs you love.
I’m the food you love.
I’m the drinks you drink.
I’m the one who loves you unconditionally.
I’m your honest moments.
I’m your vulnerability.
I’m the one you love with all your heart.
I’m the moon you look at through the night.
I’m the poetry you write, the words you say.
You are what you love, not what’s wrong with you.
You are the love in your heart.

Listening to music,
eating a hot pocket
drinking coffee,
at 11 at night
messy bedroom,
needs cleaned
Notes for school need finished,
filled out on a wrinkled piece of paper
need to be up at six,
won't go to bed until three,
just scrolling hellopoetry
and having a normal night
eating hot pockets and drinking coffee
wondering why even if she tried,
she couldn't sleep
helping people with their problems
when she can't even help herself
she takes another sip of her coffee
and starts again,
waiting until six a.m
until the time she has to get dressed and leave,
socialize with human beings
try to learn something,
because knowledge is good,
but not learning anything because her mind is elsewhere,
poetry, self hate, daydreaming, anything
she takes the last bite of her hot pocket,
drinks her coffee,
and says
"I swear it doesn't get any better than this"
with a small chuckle.

It's crazy how soothing
something cold and metal can be
on burning hot palms
and a shaky mind
how much comfort just a necklace gives
it's sad
that this is how I calm

It's sad that when music hits my ears
It doesn't help me anymore...
It's still my escape,
but no longer my peace of mind
I don't think I have a peace of mind anymore,
I think I messed myself up

It's sad that I believe every word
that's said about me
It's sad I can't go out without a jacket often
nor can I walk with my eyes
not watching my feet
drag across linoleum
It's sad my self esteem is non-existent
It's sad that people want to die.
It's sad that sad exists

sometimes
I think I'm doing better
sometimes
you leave my mind
sometimes
i think I shouldn't be around
sometimes
I go through old messages
sometimes
I miss you
sometimes
I sleep too much
sometimes
I dream too big
sometimes
I see why people leave
sometimes
I wish people didn't love me
and other times I don't think they do
but always will I wonder
why I'm here

Waging my wars
in my mind, body, and soul
Shouldn't be this hard.
Emptiness..
What is this?
I'm probably not as fine as I seem
Cried myself sick,
need a distraction
that I can't find
Sometimes to stay alive you gotta **** your mind
Why is it always stormy days
that keep me company
Funny, because I love the rain
Usually a semblance of pain,
gloomy days.
But it's calming to me..
But the hurt won't go away,
It shouldn't even be around
I shouldn't be hurt
over these things
I shouldn't want to stay in bed all day
I shouldn't feel like a burden to everyone
I shouldn't feel this ****** up
I shouldn't think the way I do,
I take for granted a lot of things
Someone tell me..
does it get better?
do I stop wanting to give up?
Been this way for a while now,
thought I was getting better
and really, I was...
but now
I think I'm the worst I've ever been
and I'm craving something
anything
to drown out these thoughts
preferably scalding
to throw away the burning knife that isn't real
it's a figment of my mind
Broken fragments
that were almost whole

Sick stomach,
food that won't stay down.
Loud music,
drowning out the sound of sniffling.
Pillows damp,
from trying not to scream.
Tired body,
exhausted from doing nothing.
overactive brain,
thinking of way too many things.

Tonight's the night I lose my mind,
it left with all of the people that walked out
of my life tonight,
left me alone,
just simply alone.
No one is around anymore,
but I have my music,
I guess that makes up for it...

Shaking hands,
typing out words that they don't mean.
Heavy eyes,
that won't close.
Shivering body,
freezing under blankets.

I'm sorry I can't do anything for you,
I can't do anything for myself
I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you
I'm not good enough for me either
I'm just a burden to you,
and you finally walked out of my life
Why can't I blame you?
I wouldn't have walked in

I need you to understand
that I need you,
and your hands
your kisses,
your love
I need you to understand
you're my world

I need you to understand
we're all a broken mess
made of pieces of each other's
broken souls
mismatched,
like an old grandmother's quilt

I need you to understand
I'm only me
not less, not more
I want to stay yours

I need you to understand
I love you
I want to spend my life with you
and your beautiful eyes
and amazing personality
soft hands,
loving kisses,
everything about you
I just love it
The hues of your eyes
are prettier than any skies
any forests
doused in rain
any words
filled with pain
If they're yours,
they're mine
we are intertwined
with love,
with care,
with your fingers in my hair

I need you to understand
I get too attached
I need you to understand
I love you
more than I could ever love myself
or any other catch
I love you more
than pineapples on  a shelf
I love you more
than you love yourself
I love you more
than plants need rain
I love you more
than I have shame
I need you to understand
all of these things

My life is a song
with a repetitive chorus
sang by a tone-deaf artist,
with no taste in lyrics.
Meaningless words
in an empty space,
just filling up the time
in between places.
My life is a song
with a meaningless chorus,
with words that don't mean a thing
to anyone but me.
My life is a song,
that will become someone's favorite,
my life is a song,
that someone hears every day.
My life is a song,
that I'm going to dance to.

God, do I wish I had a way to turn back time
get a rewind
replay all the memories,
change a lot of things.

Every time I hugged him,
I think of you.
I glance at where you sat,
without realizing,
and an overwhelming sense of sadness engulfed me

I wish I could change time,
I wish I wouldn't have done those things,
I wish I wouldn't have ignored you,
chose someone that's going to hurt me,
wish I still felt good enough for you,
wish I didn't think I deserved to be hurt,
and I'm sorry for all of these things,
and if I had one chance,
I'd redo it all.
From August to March.
I'd fix everything I've done.
I'd save you from the explosive one.

I regret everything
with all of my heart,
and all of my soul.

I keep thinking of you,
and your kisses,
your hugs,
and the words we shared,
I remember the fights,
I remember falling in love with you
I remember
I remember hurting you
I remember holding hands across my yard,
I remember the first time I went to your house
I remember when you started talking to me
I remember my ex girlfriend hating you..
I remember.
If I could change all of the hurt
all of the pain
all of the fights,
all of the regret,
I would,
in less than a heartbeat,
and if it killed me,
I wouldn't care.
If it wasn't hurting you.

Welcome to my conscience
Where I get lost,
Graffiti-like words swirling
turning grey, black, monochrome
Where everything turns negative
Where everything is dead,
field of wilted roses
dead daisies
one lone living sunflower
that I call hope
the colors of the rainbow
Red, for love, dulling yet strong
Orange, for happiness, flashing in, fading out
Yellow, for intelligence
Green, for purity and growth
Blue, for trust, the strongest, the brightest
Indigo, for addiction, the one I have to you
And violet. The only color that's almost invisible
The color of fulfillment.
Wrapping around in streaks of color
like watercolor on blinding white paper
This is my conscience
Filled with words unspoken, unwritten
Images of my own
Memories of you coming in flashes
Memories of me coming in short bursts
This is my conscience
this is my mind
Come back any time

Can you hear the silence?
It's inside my mind
Can you see the dark?
It's darker inside
Can you fix the broken?
Is there any way to know?
Can you feel... can you feel my heart?
Pounding against my chest

Can you help the hopeless?
There's no help for the ******
Well, I'm begging on my knees,
You're never going to get it
Can you save my ******* soul?
Our souls are meant for hell
Will you wait for me?
No one ever waits

I'm sorry brothers,
So sorry.
So sorry lover,
I know you didn't want me
Forgive me father,
I wish you would have stayed
I love you mother.
though I'm not sure how much I meant to you sometimes

Can you hear the silence?
It's in my mind
Can you see the dark?
It's darker inside
Can you fix the broken?
There's no way to know

I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone.
But it's all I ever known
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
But that is something I'll never feel
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink.
Like an anchor in the dark blue sea of tears
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.
*Unlike me

I am sorry
that I am going to come off as a *****
but I,
my friend,
Can't stand you like I used to.
You brag
and you scream
and you ignore me
but say hello to me
when no one is around.
Please tell me
what I did wrong
for us to grow apart-
It's almost like you didn't care.
Did you?
Or was I used to boost your ego?
I wasn't like you,
not good at the things you do.
I'm inferior
so to speak.
I complimented you.
I supported you.
That I didn't get in return.
I got ignored in return.
So tell me,
old friend,
Did I boost your ego?

Vagabond of the heart
Always wandering, searching for
Love. Bless the heart of the
Exuberant lover whom thought.
No love to find here, nomad, no love.
To where you go, oh vagabond?
In the years I've known you, you've
Never found love.
Even then, you're still searching, old and weary.

"Pathetic *****"
Words tend to stick in your mind
Whether it's someone you know
or someone you barely know
"*****"
"****"
Some things haunt me
stick like glue
sometimes they don't bother me,
but most times, they just stick in me like a knife
Invisible scars
Honestly shouldn't bother me
but it does
"I don't trust you"
I don't blame you
There's always been a part of me
that wants to say something,
defend myself
but I don't,
I never do,
I never say a thing,
Just keep quiet and walk away

I'm not gonna be another hit & run,
another ball hit in your game
but baby if you want to play
I'll play for sure
Tired of being hurt
and others being there too
You aren't gonna "get with me"
like your friends told you to
I'm not these other girls,
that you tricked
honey I've been here and dealt with it a thousand times
Don't think I don't know
Your friends tell me all that you say
and god forbid you say you didn't

It seems all I write about is you
but you, you're always on my mind
I never meant to fall in love with you
but I did
Then I never meant to hurt you
but I did
I never want to see those tears again
I'd do anything for you,
my baby.
I can't thank you enough for everything you do for me
I can't thank you enough for loving me
I can write, and write,
I could write for ages and still never get you out of my mind
You're my world and more
And I'm realizing that now
I need you
I told myself I'd never let you complete me
but you do, you're my better half
I found love in the tall quiet sophomore
You hold my hand the way you hold my heart
You kiss me the way the sun kisses skin
Warm, caring, pure, beautiful
You hug me like you're never going to let go
I love you with every fiber of my being
If I was one to pray, I would thank anything holy
for giving me you, for letting me meet you
I'd change a lot of things since then
but I just hope you still love me,
the way you always have
I hope you can still see the girl I was before
Nothing about me has changed,
I'm still that girl
I just hope you love me,
and you don't have to force it
ever again
I could title this anything
I could leave a mark on anyone but I don't need that
The only one I'll ever need is you

I always need you
but I guess that isn't all
I know I need you
Not someone else's heart
I need yours
your pretty green eyes
your lovely kisses
but I don't know
where I went wrong
What I did wrong

I'll never be enough
for me,
for you,
for your love
I'm just another **** up
An ugly, butter-toothed **** up
Won't you go to someone better?
Someone who won't hurt you like me?
Because only me,
only me
could ever **** up this bad

I can't say these things to you
because you'll tell me it's not true
but **** it is
****, ****, it is.
Parts of me want to believe
I'm a good person
but I don't even think I am anymore.
I **** up and everything comes out so *wrong

I know it's hard,
I can just imagine your green eyes
puffy and red,
tears streaming down.
I don't know what to say,
but I hope you'll be okay.
I know it's hard,
but it's a part of life,
it's going to happen eventually
to all of us.
You mean the world to me
and it hurts me to see you this upset
I hate hearing you cry.
I hate knowing you are.
I hate that you aren't happy.
I know it's hard,
and one day,
maybe not soon,
you'll go on.
You'll move on and forget.
I promise,
I've been there.
It's hard, I know,
but to reach happiness,
you have to chase that ****** down and catch it
in your hands.

If I could fix the trust I broke
If I could fix the hearts I've shattered
If I could mend minds
I would
If it meant giving up a part of me,
I would
But I can't though I can try
Trying won't change the past
and sometimes it doesn't change anything at all
but my heart's still yours
If I could fix anything
I would
But I can't even fix myself
I can hardly hold myself together most of the time

My hands
wrapped in yours
My hands
wrapped around your hips
My hands
holding you hostage to my
             love

Your hands
wrapped in mine
avoiding a goodbye
Your hands
holding my heart
Your hands
squeezing at my
metaphorical throat
asphyxiating the bad dreams

My hands
Your hands.

Do you ever think
you're not good enough
not smart enough
Prejudiced schools, workplaces
One tells you this,
the other tells you that.
You're told you can't,
but she can
and he can
and they excel,
first place, second place, third
and you're somewhere in the bottom.
No one gives you a chance
you're average,
looked over like the sun
on a hot August day.
Then you're told
it doesn't matter, and it doesn't define you.
Well maybe it ******* hurts regardless
because maybe I want to be noticed
once in a blue moon
for something I've tried so hard for
and wasn't just handed to me

They always say
an artist's time
is late at night
or early morning
but mine
mine is now
evening,
night,
day,
bright,
sunny,
snowy,
rainy.
Our times are now.
Make the most of them.

There will always be a voice
that tells me that
I'm stupid for failing a test...
I'm dumb for worrying pointlessly...
That I'll never be loved...
and everyone hates me..
That I'm ugly and imperfect..
I'm worthless...
too ugly, too stupid, too shy...
too mentally unstable...
that I'm just making up social anxiety...
and the depression...
I hold on to little things
comments made years ago
things said in anger
Things that I've done
that I regret, everyone
bite my hand until it bleeds
wonder if I should go jump  in the water
I think I should be dead.
just another day of losing my head?
I'm a sister and a daughter
a friend and an enemy
but here I am,
wallowing in self-pity.
Pessimistic,
breathing but not too sure I'm living
just existing,
and wondering if I shouldn't.

I write letters to you
that I know you'll never see
but perhaps by one little mistake
one drop of the page
maybe you'll see your name
maybe you'll read the words I could never say.
I wish I would have stayed,
and done the things I knew I should.
Because now you're gone,
God,
do I miss you.
I know you hate me.
I know you don't want to talk to me,
I know I hurt you...

You told me to find someone else to hurt,
but I never wanted to hurt anyone,
especially not you.

You're the one that held me today.
You're the one that helped me with my tears.
You're the one who believed in me.
What happened in such a short time span?
I can't believe I'm missing you so much
and I hope I'll get over this
because I don't want to care anymore
not about anything.

I never meant to make your big green eyes shed tears,
your round face to be rubbed at, trying to hide tear streaks
I never meant for your hands to shake
or your throat to close when you see me
I never meant for your heart to break.

I don't have any other way to say this
and I know you still don't care
but I'm sorry to the ends of the earth
and I'll miss you for days to come
I love you,
and I am so, so, sorry.

Some nights I really just break down
Standing on a broken bridge
of empty promises
with a sea of words that I don't know how to take
crashing below,
splashing my bare feet
a moon shining overhead
stars twinkling, the words I've never said

Other nights,
I stand on the same bridge
and it's made of happiness
with a sea of words that I've said
splashing at my bare feet
contented breezes blow
the same moon is overhead
and the stars are still twinkling
but this time,
they aren't regrets

I don't deserve it
but I love that you love me
I know I don't act like it
or tell you enough
but God.. I love you.
I can't tell you the joy I have in my heart.
I'm glad you gave me this chance.
I'm trying not to **** up
I know I'm a bad girlfriend
I know I'm hard to love
I get annoying, and I'm not that fun to be around
I take things too harshly sometimes
I know we're always going to have our ups and downs
but I love you.
and your green eyes
your fluffy hair and your freckles
you're so cute and sweet
and I love it when you sing
Your messy handwriting
and I'm proud of you
for everything
I know I don't act like it but I love you so much
I'm a clingy person
and I love your hugs
and your kisses
You're amazing in so many ways, and please don't leave me

Good morning, sunshine
Nine-thirty a.m
and you're lighting up my life.
Good morning, sunshine
that warms me to my bones,
and makes me feel alive.
Light dancing off the tin roof,
dewdrops sparkling like glitter glue.
Say hello to the bright azure sky,
blow kisses to the moon, goodbye.

Scrolling absentmindedly
Eyes unfocused
mind not on what I'm seeing on the screen
pain in my chest,
a burning like hell in my throat
regret slowly slicing my soul
So much to say
not even worth it to say,
nothing even matters anymore,
what's the point?
I wish everyone would forget me
that I exist
Anything I've ever said,
done,
thought.
Because it's all ****** up.
It shouldn't have happened
I shouldn't have happened

The words don't come out correctly,
forever lodged in my throat,
in my mind,
never to leave,
stuck inside.
There's so many things I'd love to say,
but I'm too scared to force them out.
Only on a site full of strangers,
will my words come out,
incorrectly,
not the message I want to send,
not the way I want to say things,
but still, they come out to mingle
and meet new friends.
I'm too shy,
too scared of being noticed,
hide in the back of the room,
wrapped in a black jacket
and face hid,
words forming in your windpipe
sitting there,
choking you,
but you just can't get them out.